2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"A man does not know his strength until he needs it."
R. Johnson
A man in a psychotherapist's office.
Problem # 1. A man must "do everything himself."
Help is perceived as a manifestation of weakness, which means that the visit to the specialist's office must be postponed for a long time and carefully hidden.
Problem # 2. The gender of the psychotherapist.
# 2.1 The psychotherapist is a man.
Going to a man means meeting an imaginary competitor. On the contrary, a person is supposedly wiser and more experienced if he "knows" how to solve problems. And if you turn on a calculator in your head and try to calculate how much this specialist earns (in fantasy, of course, because the number of real clients is unknown), then it may turn out that the specialist is richer / more successful, which causes hidden envy. And again, competitive feelings: how is he better than me?
However, this point is even more burdened if:
# 2.2 The psychotherapist is a woman.
There are several options here. A woman therapist, depending on age, is easily associated with significant figures: mother, grandmother, wife, beloved. These images can be conflicting, and then this gives rise to resistance to work, up to the exit from therapy. If there were no such significant figures, or they were not supportive enough, the image of the psychotherapist can be idealized, which also hinders progress in work. The ideal image created in the office can hinder the search for a partner in reality, or hinder the building of relationships that, in the client's mind, lose out to the real ones. For example, the wife demands money / attention / ideal fatherhood from her husband, and so on, while the therapist accepts, takes a non-judgmental position and explores the man's inner world.
Problem # 3 Investment.
It is important for a man to see what he is investing in. For men, psychotherapy is an investment where a clear result is needed within a certain time frame. For women, the issue of time spent and mental strength is more typical. The issue of investment is a problem, because the in-depth approach presupposes rather the study of one's personality than the commodity-money turnover. For a man, the question is more relevant: "What steps need to be taken to achieve a result?" Than the questions: "What do I feel and how do my feelings affect the course of events?"
Problem # 4 Dealing with feelings. Our culture encourages masculine responses to feelings rather than living them, especially around another person. That is, going to the gym, exhausting yourself on the treadmill, or starting a fight is more preferable than talking about feelings in the office.
All of the above "problems" reflect myths about psychologists.
- In fact, the therapist does not solve problems for the client. He listens attentively and gives feedback on conflicting attitudes, repressed unconscious fantasies and feelings. But you still have to decide what to do with this outside the office on your own.
- The gender and age of the psychotherapist is not important. Any associations and fantasies addressed to a specialist are not an obstacle, but another key to understanding your personality.
- Investments return in full when answers to vital questions are found: "Who am I really?" and "What is the meaning of life for me?" As a result of psychotherapy, the quality of life changes, which earlier could be reduced to the level of survival and nothing more.
- Working with feelings cannot turn a person into a "weakling", the ban on feelings is nothing more than the development of cultural attitudes. In the reality of mental life, feelings serve as a compass equally for both men and women.
And finally, I would like to recommend R. Johnson's book "He". This book can be a great start to therapy.
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