2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Sometimes the most important goal in a person's life is to gain recognition from people close to him. Especially mom. And then the whole life can be devoted to getting this approval. Become accepted. Seen.
“Mom, look,” a 5-year-old child shouts happily and holds out his first creative craft.
“Mom, I don’t have fours in a year,” a 10-year-old child proudly says and shows his diary.
“Mom, I have a gold medal, and I plan to go to the institute you want,” says a 17-year-old young man.
"Mom, I entered, they took me …"
"Mom, I have a good job …"
"Mother…"
Mom is usually silent and not verbose, mostly she is immersed in her secret thoughts. Very rarely, a smile appears on her face, the reason for which is the story of the life of a neighbor and her successful son.
"Imagine, Dima found a new job and now he is getting well"
"Dima learned a new language, got married, moved"
"Dima…"
And then, apart from pain and disappointment, there is nothing in the heart. Although no, there is still anger. The anger that makes him do better than Dimka, to be more successful than him, so that mothers at least once proudly said: "My son … I'm proud of him." And all forces are directed to the struggle for the smile and attention of the mother.
At stake is your own life, lived according to someone else's scenario.
This scenario mixes stories that are firmly intertwined: the personal story of the mother, her childhood and upbringing, inherited beliefs, situations in life and many other factors.
It is important here to "disconnect" mom from what is happening and ask yourself a question:
I'm happy?
Am I doing what I want or am I driven by expectations?
Am I living my life?
Who am I?
What do I want?
And if you honestly answer yourself to these difficult questions, it may turn out that mom has nothing to do with it. It is impossible to make another person happy. You can make yourself happy (and this is not an easy task!), And charge those around you with this sense of self.
If you find it difficult to answer these questions yourself or your own answers do not suit you, please contact me for advice.
Do you manage to live the way you want, or is your life more like meeting someone's expectations?
All photographs by Karina Kiel
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