2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am often consulted with children. The smallest client was 1, 5 years old. And although the psychologist has very few tools for working with such a visitor, a lot of information makes it possible to observe the interaction between parent and child.
What do they come to a child psychologist with? There are many questions: conflicts with peers, self-doubt, disobedience at home, problems with studies or achievements in sports, aggressiveness, fears, poor sleep, withdrawal, etc. etc.
At the beginning of our work, I always collect anamnesis, information about what happened before our meeting, starting from the period before the birth of the child. Since every moment is important for further work.
I would like to note that a lot in the family histories of clients who come for a consultation is repeated. In this publication I will try to collect the most common psychological causes that lead to the problems that clients are dealing with.
I do not write about physiological reasons here on purpose, such as, for example, birth trauma accompanied by hypoxia or others, since there are observations, but I do not consider myself fully competent, because I am not a doctor.
So, the most common causes that create problems for children and, rather, for their parents. Let's consider the separate periods of a child's life
And I ask you to pay attention to the task of each period and the actions of the parents
When parents are just getting ready to become a mom and dad. The period of formation of the mental, physical, emotional health of the baby When the child is from 0 to 1 year old. The period of formation of trust in the world When a child is from 1 to 3 years old. The period of formation of independence When the child is from 4 to 7 years old. The period of development of initiative, self-confidence. Time for the formation of leadership qualities, communication skills, mainly through the game When a child is a junior schoolchild. This is the time to gain the ability to learn, confidence in your competence When a child is no longer a child, but a teenager
The same points that were noted above were often repeated here. Such as: humiliation, name-calling, comparisons with others, unreasonable punishments, unwillingness to communicate with the child in a friendly way and spend time with him, etc.
Only the child is not the same. And if before adolescence he could still "swallow" all this, since he did not have the resources to resist the tactless treatment on the part of adults, then here your teenager can start open resistance and confrontation. Sometimes this resistance goes to extremes when all other ways of being heard have exhausted themselves.
And I can note that although this is normal for this period, in some cases it is difficult and even life-threatening.
The teenager learns to “defend his boundaries”, to defend the right to his opinion and the right to be himself. If during this period he cannot get out of the current situation of pressure, disrespect, rejection, it will be very difficult for him in life. Although, as a rule, it is ALREADY not easy.
What else do parents do with their teenagers, whom they themselves then bring to a psychologist?
Working with families where he grows young athlete, much of the above is repeated. However, there are some common points:
I have listed the features of family relationships that are most common in families who come to me, a psychologist / sports psychologist for advice.
If you recognize yourself in what you have written, then, most likely, in the near future you will have to get advice from a child psychologist. Because at some point you will realize that all your methods do not work for the good of your child, but only aggravate and aggravate what is already there; and you can no longer control the situation.
What do we do at our meetings? We learn to hear and listen, to understand our child. We learn to talk to him without yelling, we learn to respect him. Thereby, of course, helping ourselves to maintain our health, emotional balance and, most importantly, we return the ability to be happy in communication with our children.
* The article uses the age periodization of E. Erickson
Psychologist, sports psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences Voinova Elena
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