2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I met in the FB feed another beautifully designed "instruction" for parents - when at what age, to impute to the child what household duties - watering flowers, washing dishes, cooking, etc. Free, of course.
25,000 shares! That is, people really consider this information useful, keep a note to use it - apply it to their children.
But why exactly these cases? Why at this age? What will it give for development? How will this turn out in the future? What will be the result of this upbringing?
I think that parents often do not even think about the existence of such questions. Not to mention the answers. They apply everything in a row to their living children simply because it is beautifully and "authoritatively" designed (a beautiful candy wrapper, and what kind of content is there is not important).
It's as if pharmacies threw pills on the market in beautiful packaging, but without specifying what they are for, what will happen if they are drunk, and people swallowed them simply because they are free and beautifully designed. They themselves swallowed and stuffed their children. I understand hunger. But not to the same extent.
Let's see what will be the result of such upbringing.
FANTASY CHILDREN
What do parents really care when they follow these instructions? What is their purpose (even if they don't realize it)?
First, to be a good mom is to conform to the generally accepted template (social role): “I do! I educate! My child is well-bred!"
Because, if the goal were different, such mothers would know what would be the result, why all this is needed, what develops (remember that the imputed duties in the manner of "should" not only do not develop, but also block the will?) since they do not know and blindly trust the "generally accepted" (but in fact advertised), then they are interested in the acceptance of society: "I am like everyone else", "I am in trend", "I am a good mother."
And the second thing such mothers care about is that their child meets the generally accepted standard (the role of a good child). To be a good mother, a child must be "educated".
What is a role?
This is a mask, wrapper, candy wrapper, packaging, something external, imposed from the outside. Like here, for example. Some incomprehensible uncle, who, judging by the "standards" taken from the ceiling, has nothing to do with developmental psychology, drew in his instructions that a child at 2-3 years old should dust off. And the mother will demand from the child that he perform actions completely alien to him, imposed from the outside by a stranger's uncle.
And the filling?
Which should be under the wrapper.
Unfortunately, most parents do not even think about the filling - simply because they are not aware of its possible existence at all: “Is there really something else? And I thought this is education! They also think about my courses that there will be the same as in this instruction. And because there is simply no other in their picture of the world.
While the filling is a personality, an inner core, strength, will, based not on imputed obligations, but on one's own motivation (from within, from its center, and not superficial from the outside). And what can parents know about this if they don't even suspect?
So they pay - a colossal amount of time and effort (they pay with their lives and the child's) - to pack both the child and themselves in the strictest accordance with generally accepted standards.
WHAT WE WATER, THAT GROWS
And what will be, what will be. A candy wrapper child will grow up, an actor who will be forced to play the generally accepted scenario - "not his life."
Remember how hard it is? When you come home like a squeezed lemon. When you want to howl, and not to exist such a meaningless life.
And if we want meaningful, we need to educate in a completely different way.
And to begin with, to know what is happening there - inside the child. To develop his own strength, and not try to squeeze into a beautiful, but completely meaningless advertising wrapper.
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