No Kids - Are You Okay? Marina's Letter To Aunt Mote

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

My name is Marina, I am "about forty" and I have no children. And since about my 20 years, you have been waiting for me on every corner, Aunt Motya. And you consider it your duty to inform me that I am so many years old (do you think I don’t remember?), I don’t have children yet (do you think I don’t know?), Something is wrong with me (oh-eh?), and it's time for me to tighten the rolls and run to make babies (and again - oh-eh?).

Dear Aunt Motya. I have asked you many times to stay out of my life. And softly and harshly asked. A little more - and, I'm afraid, fists may be used. For my strength is no longer to endure meeting with you.

But today I decided to go from the other side. You say you take care of me that way? Then maybe you want to know what happens to me when you show your "care"?

Here I go angry and upset after a sleepless night. My husband and I fought all night. I really want children, but my husband doesn't. Now he doesn't want to. Doesn't want to. Unclear. I go and don't know what to do. Should we continue with him or get divorced? After all, this is the third conversation in two years and my husband is adamant. And here you are, Aunt Motya. How do you think I feel at this moment?

Here I go from the gynecologist. Loop problems started. I went through a bunch of examinations. And the doctor tells me that there can be difficulties with pregnancy. That I may never have children. With my first husband, we still divorced. And I really hoped to have children. And here is the news. I walk dumbfounded. I don’t know how to get over it. And here you are, Aunt Motya!

We had a long conversation with my second husband. We came to the conclusion that we want children, but we want to do it consciously. We are both not ready now. Both will be engaged in our own development and the development of our relations. And also the preparation of the material basis. To raise children in a healthy environment and give them love, and not scandals and poverty - material and spiritual. And here you are again, Aunt Motya.

My second husband and I decided we were ready. The question with my health is not yet clear, but it seems there are chances, we have invested a lot of energy in the treatment. But not yet. And here you are, Aunt Motya.

My husband dies unexpectedly … I am not myself. I have not left the house for six months. But at this moment you make your way to me via the Internet, Aunt Motya!

I'm finally starting to get back to social life. I understand that now I need to rebuild a lot. I don't know when and if I will ever have a new relationship. But I definitely need to make money. Earn money so that I can adopt a child if I cannot get married and give birth to my own. Now I am completely busy with work. And you again, Aunt Motya.

I needed help amid all these events. I'm going to therapy. Gradually I understand something about myself. I understand that then - in my youth - I didn't really want children. I wanted to keep my husband, I wanted the little lump to love me. I understand that I have deep childhood traumas and I would hate my children. I understand where my problems "like a woman" come from. I understand that I need to heal a lot in myself before having children. And again you, Aunt Motya …

I understand that I do not know much about myself. Who am I? What am I? What am I living for? I understand that now I do not want children. I want to define myself first. Then it may be too late, but now it is too early. I need to somehow survive this - the thought that later may not work out already. And you are not appeasing, Aunt Motya.

I am rethinking my motives - why give birth and raise children? I understand that I don’t want to do it like before. And how in a new way - I don't know yet. But you are next to me again, Aunt Motya.

So I finally figured it out. I understand who I am, what I am, where and why I live. I finally healed my inner child and inner parent to the extent that I could build a relationship with my mom, so that I myself feel fulfilled enough as a mom, ready to give birth and raise my child. I understood exactly why I should give birth and raise children.

Now the question of relationship with a man. During this time, the criteria for choosing a partner have changed dramatically - for relationships, and even more so for fatherhood, not everyone is suitable. I'm puzzled. Will it be possible to create a relationship with a man at all? And here you are, Aunt Motya.

The relationship still worked out. My third husband and I are planning a pregnancy. Hooray, we could! How glad we are! But pregnancy freezes at a later date. When the gaze falls on the already purchased children's things, somehow not yet hidden, hysteria happens. Both for me and for him. And then there's you, Aunt Motya!

Having survived the loss, we decided not to make further attempts for the time being. Maybe later. Perhaps adopt. But not now. And here you are again, Aunt Motya.

I decide to somehow leave my mark on the world. Creation. Social work. Helping children without parents. But you don't lag behind me, Aunt Motya.

Dear Aunt Motya, this is what I want to tell you.

A person may want children. But at this moment in time, he may have some difficulties that prevent the birth or adoption of a child. And then your questions hurt him painfully, Aunt Motya. No, they do not help him in any way to solve his difficulties. They just hurt. And a person is not obliged to explain to you about his difficulties.

Or the person may not want to have children at this point in time. And the reasons can be completely different. And again, the person is not obliged to explain with you about the reasons. And your questions make him angry. Because they violate the boundaries. And again - nothing for him in his position regarding children will change from your intervention.

I also invite you, Aunt Motya, to consider such a moment. You don’t worry about those who are dedicated to serving God and therefore don’t have children?

In the same way, a person can devote his life to serving other people - by his contribution to science, art, social sphere, etc. And thus, leave your mark on the world, make a significant contribution to the world not by introducing new life into the world, but by saving, prolonging or making the life of other people qualitatively better, perhaps yours or your loved ones, Aunt Motya … Maybe if you see this, Aunt Motya, it will be easier for you to cope with the fact that someone has no children?

Characters' images are collective, coincidences are random.