2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The childhood period, perceived as unlucky and unhappy, suddenly acquired a different significance …
Client requests tend to repeat themselves. I tracked down a number of similar ones. All of them boiled down to one moment (the request was modified, as usual, or specified) - "I want love, because" I was not loved, and therefore I … "- became strong … achieved a lot … made my childhood dream come true …".
The most important value in such conclusions (clarifications) of the client's request is that the childhood period, perceived as unsuccessful and unhappy, suddenly acquired a different significance, namely: “If I had been given a lot of love in childhood, I would not have achieved that that she wanted, because everything was (is)."
That is, the bold black minus turned into an even larger bold yellow-red plus.
Why such colors? Yes, because each time different clients in a subject-figurative expression (symbol) called that childhood period black - and what they achieved, they saw in red or yellow.
Here you can remember what black, yellow and red symbolize. Accordingly - severity, or negative, sunshine and joy, the color of victory.
It is interesting that all clients on such requests, in relation to their parents (persons replacing parents) - to my question: "In what colors do you see your parents?" - called extreme colors - black or white.
Rather, even after a discussion with a psychologist (with me), they clarified that "I love it, I hate it."
Accordingly, white means holiness, and black means fatal, bringing troubles, sometimes excessive severity, orderliness, and always excessive.
Story 1. She
She grew up as an unloved child (this is how she perceived herself), because:
- the parents paid all their attention to her older brother, who was often ill, throughout her childhood;
- of all the granddaughters of her grandparents, she was the most unloved, worst, inept, etc.;
- she was always compared with others, not in a "positive way";
- no one expected a "successful future" from her. So they said directly: "You cannot keep up with your sisters and brothers."
She grew aloof. It is clear that such a relationship, or rather an attitude towards her, was in kindergarten and at school.
She always thought that she was worse than others (as it was suggested to her) and she "went out of her way" to prove the opposite.
Fortunately for her, one day she saw on local television how a girl from her city with 2 children married an Englishman. And it became her dream!
It seemed to her that there, beyond the seas and oceans, she would be loved. This became her goal.
She left the city after school, entered a linguistic university and accidentally (not accidentally) married a student who was sent for exchange practice between students of universities in the world to her university.
More than 10 years have passed, and this is not the first time she has come to an appointment. Her successful sister is divorced and lives with her parents and a child.
Story 2
The client looked unusual. She was worried, her cheek was constantly twitching, and her eye seemed to wink at the same time. It was not a very pleasant sight.
And I understood her excitement. The client said that she was the last child in a large family.
The older children dispersed in all directions, but she stayed with her parents, who from childhood called her because of the birth trauma and its consequences - "you are mine."
Even at preschool age, the girl realized that she would have to win the love of her loved ones. She really did not like their pity and disbelief in her.
They also compared her and said directly that “where does she, ugly woman, to her elders?
The girl, surprisingly, studied at one grade. I went out of my way for knowledge. She graduated with honors from a technical school, then an institute, earned her own rent (in only 1 year, purposefully and hard work), got married, graduated from graduate school and much more!
Her siblings were never educated.
Why did you come? Understand. The time has come. And also the feeling of dislike did not leave her.
Story 3
He came and immediately announced that he wanted true love. I asked what it meant to him.
It turned out what it means to feel. He already longed to experience this feeling.
They began to understand and it turned out that he did not feel love for either mom, or dad, or grandfather and grandmother, or sisters-brothers, not a single woman, or his own children.
But all his life he "proved his worth" in a very interesting way - through sex.
He, already married, was constantly looking for adventure, went alone abroad on vacation and everywhere his main goal was sex!
Until one day he realized that he was devastated and even sex with numerous girlfriends did not bring him satisfaction - true love.
I must say that this was an educated man and he came in a state of insight, which is why the request sounded so clear.
To understand "where to get this true love" - you need to understand the reasons for unexperienced feelings throughout his life.
This is what we worked with.
Story 4
Young woman. Her childhood story is stepfather, brother, mother.
My brother was always singled out, everyone took care of him, including herself.
Even when they grew up, or rather, grew up - everything went to her brother - both a new car and a new apartment.
She was also fed and clothed. But my brother was adored by everyone! And she is always in the shade. She's so used to being second-rate.
But she wanted to! I also wanted love and attention. And it also seemed to her that somewhere far away, she would get it.
She used to achieve everything herself. As a child, her parents left her at home from the age of 3.
When I was studying, no one checked her school assignments. She even tied bows herself since childhood.
So in the photographs and you can see - bows "awkward" (well, how can a child tie himself?).
And now, when she grew up, she made every possible effort to "fade" to a foreign paradise.
But even there it turned out that her relationship with men did not reach the level of true love for her (to proposals for marriage).
All compatriot friends have been married for a long time. And her, as in childhood, to the background.
“That's why I'm here,” my client concludes. Her brother lost his job, throwing his honors a long way.
Story 5
She grew up in a family where both were equally loved. But mom was very sacrificial, and dad was too strict.
Her older sister always hurt - and beat and teased. Especially unpleasant memories remained from the words of my sister: "What a terrible nose you have! And who will need you with such a nose, ugly!"
I must say that the client's nose was very pretty, but she discovered it only after the birth of her daughter, married to a foreigner.
Moreover, her loving mother said: "You, of course, do not have such a beautiful figure as your sister, but nothing can be done … Somehow …".
And the girl-girl-woman, with this terrible pain inside herself, undertook to prove to herself that she was "still nothing." Her childhood dreams were about abroad.
She got there through the "Skype acquaintance". I found it myself - I achieved it myself.
But even now, in a married family, she does not feel her husband's love for her as she would like. And she proves to him her necessity and devotion in the role of Cinderella - sacrificial, like her mother.
An interesting coincidence in all of these and other similar stories
All these clients became successful - they achieved everything they dreamed of.
They all had a refined request for "real acceptance and love from the opposite sex, as substitutes for mom and dad."
All of their beloved, adored sisters-brothers could not reach such heights as these "unloved" ones.
Conclusion - life is not as bad as it seems to us, sometimes! Where would our achievements be if not for our failures?
Difficulties temper! In difficulties, as in a difficult battle, character grows stronger and sharpens, new skills are acquired. Then - faith in yourself. And there is little left to do - to love and accept yourself for who you are!
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