2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
She was 32, she was a fragile pretty blonde with expressive green eyes. She came to therapy when a long and exhausting relationship once again ended in nothing and she suffered desperately from it. This time was already the third, two attempts before that were unsuccessful. She abandoned them after the first three turns, because everything was somehow "unclear and incomprehensible."
She had been on maternity leave for five years and it didn't add to her fun. In addition to this, there was not even a rough idea of what she would like to do in life and what her interests are now. She always expected from loved ones not just approval, but obligatory praise. The world had to accept it unconditionally, support it categorically, admire - tirelessly.
She had two children of the weather from a man whom she allowed to knowingly trample on her own self-esteem and the beginnings of interest in anything. This relationship was 9 years old and outliving itself over and over again, they persistently resurrected from another ashes in her soul.
She cried during the sessions, because he went for a walk with a company in which she was not comfortable. And she suffered from the fact that the circle of his interests was much wider than hers and he did not want to give up these interests / habits / fishing / basketball for her sake. She also could not share these interests, because there was a company in which she was uncomfortable (yes, I wrote this twice in one paragraph). He did not want to give up the usual because he did not want to lose himself and sacrifice himself for the sake of her whim. She could not do anything, because from the very morning until late at night she did only one thing: she thought about him and waited for his call. She was ready to give up all her friends for his sake, but he did not ask for it. She suffered alone and even more when he said: “do what interests you,” because her thoughts were occupied by him.
She didn't want a relationship between two separate individuals. She didn't even want symbiosis, she wanted a merger. No, I longed for him and otherwise simply could not imagine this relationship. Because in her mind they were one and to be without him meant simply to cease to exist, which she literally brought to life, practically ceasing to eat in this nervous anticipation. This relationship drained her and instilled hope at the same time, without giving rise to all roots in him.
This is the same oral stage at which words for expressing the fullness of feelings do not yet exist. But there is the omnipotence of the Other, capable of somehow magically not just guessing, but knowing for sure and understanding what needs to be given to the child. Although what I am talking about, the Other also does not exist, there is “we” as a whole and there is no border between them yet. The other appears a little later and it is good if by this time the child has managed to feel care and love for himself.
She came for clear instructions and correct answers, but I didn't have them. Just as there is no basic arithmetic in the fifth lecture on quantum field theory. She did not know that all the answers would appear when she had strength for them. It only takes time to be able to find them. And in psychoanalysis there is plenty of time
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