2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Change occurs when a person
becomes who he really is,
not when he tries
become what he is not
Arnold Beisser
Foreword
The desire to lose weight in one or another acuteness of experience has arisen in me for 20 years already. Before that, it was not before, but before it was “not before,” everything suited me in my weight and shape. As you can imagine, this period of grace did not last long.
So, as soon as I was possessed by the idea (or I pushed myself with the idea) to lose weight - the thought of how to do it and disappointments about the results of what was done accompanied me everywhere and almost all the time. 20 years of continuous self-searching, persuasion, successes and failures, disappointments and intermediate victories. I got tired of getting up with the thought - "here again yesterday … but I promised myself … well, that's it, today I will arrange a discharge for myself" and I go to bed with the dream "tomorrow everything will be different." Kilograms gradually increased, the desire to be slim increased in proportion to the anger at myself for the impossibility of doing this.
I have made a significant contribution to the well-being of the owners of fitness centers, cosmetologists with their weight-loss know-how, pharmacies offering wonderful drugs. Frankly, there was a result, but it was somehow unconvincing and short-lived. This is how, step by step, I approached my 72 kilograms, “sugar” grew in parallel and my knee began to hurt badly. But the worst thing is that I could not look at myself in the mirror even in my coat. And the clothes didn't fit on me anymore. I began to buy the L size, but the dreams of a slender existence did not leave me for a single second.
Part 1. Merge
I stayed in this weight for about a year and a half. Advice to accept yourself as you are, I brushed aside without discussion - I do not want to be like that, I can tolerate this weight, having collected the remnants of will, but it was beyond my strength to accept it. For a very long time I could not believe that I weigh 72, I was in merging with my weight, my image, and I did not realize that I was already fat.
I changed the scales, tried to ignore them, tried to convince myself that they were not accurate, that there was a lot of water in me, and so on until one day I realized, yes, this is me, and this is 72.
Part 2. Introjection
After reviewing a bunch of weight loss techniques for a long time struggling with myself, I decided that I would write down everything I ate. At the same moment, my personality was divided into 2 parts - one was full of responsibility and severity, the second - joked in every way, had fun and behaved extremely silly and irresponsibly. One tried to write everything down and fix it, the second tempted the first with all sorts of honeyed speeches - “okay, think sweet, don’t write it down”, “well, anyway, I already overeating the norm - no need to scare yourself with big numbers” secretly ate the unaccounted food, grinning and gloating: "He-he, you won't take me so easily!"
Anyone more or less familiar with gestalt understands that these were in all their glory the so-called "dogs" - a dog from above, broadcasting introjected parental attitudes "must" and a dog from below - opposing these attitudes in every possible way.
Part 3. Holism
I lived in this mode of internal confrontation for half a year and realized that I was doing some kind of nonsense. That I am deceiving myself and, in fact, the silly fatty got the better of the dream of harmony, lightness and grace.
In this beautiful moment of awareness, which we call awareness by Gestaltists, I felt incredible despair mixed with anger and determination. And, lo and behold, my two beautiful dogs united into a single organism, marking the triumph of holism. All of my subpersonalities suddenly started working as a whole. There is a lot of energy. I began to see reality. The boundaries of my gastronomic possibilities acquired clear outlines, the mathematical calculation showed an accurate picture of the dynamics of weight loss, taking into account the expendable and consumed.
Part 4. Realism
It's amazing how I could indulge in illusions before that, contrary to the laws of physics and common sense, you can eat "in moderation" and lose weight, that all kinds of diets: the Kremlin, according to Kovalkov, according to Kovaleva, for all the rest, can bring me a quick effect, that "intuitive nutrition", fasting, cleansing lymph with the liver, intensive training after which I was ready to eat a whole pig will save me from 10 kg of excess weight in a short time "for the May holidays." In short, I believed in a miracle. But it still didn’t happen. It took me many years and an incredible amount of experiences to come to the obvious conclusion - my illusions have nothing to do with the real extra pounds that prevent me from living.
And the reality, as always, is simple and obvious - malnutrition of 300 calories a day is minus 60 grams. In total, in order to lose 10 kg, you need to live in this mode 10000/60/30 = five and a half months.
Half of this path has been covered, there are still 5 kilos left.
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