I Love, I Hate

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Case from practice (confidentiality respected). The client has consented to the description of the story).

A man, S., 30 years old, higher education, entrepreneur, asked how to get rid of attachment to a woman, let's call her T., with whom he lived for 3 years, was going to marry, and she left for another. S. Ready to forgive, forget everything, made repeated attempts to return.

Suffers: lost sleep, appetite, started work. Alcohol does not help, nor does the psychiatrist prescribed drug therapy.

The condition ranges from anxious to complete apathy and indifference to life. Anxiety has two degrees of expression: attempts to take another action to regain love and bouts of aggression towards the ex-partner, as well as her environment. All this has been going on for a year now.

From the first minute, the client began to talk about how bad his ex was, about how he asked her to be more attentive to herself, to her health, to her appearance. He talked about what advice he gave her, how to go to work, how to behave with colleagues. He spoke for a long time.

To be honest, I even got a little tired of it. He himself was very much in this story, but he perceived himself only through his attitude to his partner, and the image of this woman was not clear. Even when I asked to describe T. so that S. would switch his attention from the negative towards her, S. did not last long, he again “slipped” into what he did and said, but she did not accept it.

At the first consultation, the client always wants to speak out, and this is right. But this was not the case, the more S. told more, the worse he got: he had a break in breathing, he confused words, rearranged the syllables in words, his eyes kept turning tears.

The famous neurolinguist Tatiana Chernigovskaya says:

"In order not to be torn from the inside, you need to speak out. For this there are confessors, girlfriends and psychotherapists. A splinter, if it is not taken out in time, will cause blood poisoning. People who are silent and keep everything to themselves are not only under serious psychological or even psychiatric risk, but also at risk of somatics. Any professional will agree with me: everything will start with a stomach ulcer. The body is one - both the psyche and the body."

But that was not the case. The more S. talked, the worse he became: his breathing was interrupted, he confused words, rearranged the syllables in words, tears came to his eyes every now and then.

To speak out is not the method that was shown to S. And I suggested that he not speak, but pronounce the vowels in a chant:

"A-aaaa, O-ooo, E-eeee, E-eee, U-uuuu."

For 2 minutes in three sets, while the palms are on their knees and beat off the rhythm, and one minute for a break between sets.

Simple arithmetic - 8-9 minutes and S.'s emotional background (mood) changed. First, the face - the "mask of sorrow" straightened, the face freshened up. Secondly, the speech became calm and correct. And most importantly - thoughts, S. finally formulated his request.

Then we worked with Ericksonian therapy.

After three meetings S. said: Yes, she went, I will not go, I will go to her work today, watch her, I will go home and go to bed, I want to sleep like that.”

Although S. came to the second session with the firm intention to "erase her from memory", he saw it in the movies, and I "as a hypnologist, I can do it."

But, as you can see, nothing had to be washed.

S. simply stopped suffering and suffering. T. ceased to occupy his thoughts.