2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Some people are denied at birth the right to have their own thoughts, feelings and desires. Denied the right to be yourself. All decisions for the child are made by the mother. And even when the “child” has grown up physically for a long time, for the mother he remains small, stupid, incapable of independent decision-making. Such mothers believe that they have accomplished a feat by bearing and giving birth to a child. In addition, the presence of the little man in many ways complicated and limited their life. This is a fact that is hard to argue with. We will not do that. Let's agree that mom is good. It is very important to realize the value of life and be grateful to your mother for life. But giving your life back in the form of unquestioning service to your mother is unnecessary.
Practical example. The client's permission to publish has been received, the name has been changed.
Thirty-year-old Taisia lives with her mother, and cannot create a relationship with a man. Any man who appears in a girl's life meets with harsh criticism from her mother. Immediately, the attitude of the mother to her daughter changes. She becomes cold, ignorant, punishing her daughter for wrong choice by "icy" silence. Taisiya is very afraid of losing her mother's affection, of being a bad daughter. She feels "obligated to please her mother." The girl always refused to have a relationship with a man, so as not to upset her mother. However, now Taisiya wants to change her usual relationship with her mother and improve her personal life. I propose to the girl:
- Introduce your mother and tell her: "I am already an adult, I want my family."
The girl repeats the words offered to her.
- How does the body react?
- Chest spasm.
- Imagine, what is the image in the chest?
- A rock.
- Look at this stone, ask him: "Why are you to me?"
- The stone is silent.
- Tell the stone: “I allow you to express all your feelings.” What happens to the stone?
- He became a piece of meat.
- What does a piece of meat want?
- He wants to experience all human feelings, even pain. Life is breathed into him, and he wants to live, to exist. This is me - a newborn. Immediately after childbirth. Red. It looks like a piece of meat.
In Taisia's view, at the moment of birth, she is a piece of meat. This image is common in therapy and signifies maternal depreciation from the moment the baby is born. The behavior of an adult Taisia resembles the behavior of a newborn child who cannot exist without a mother.
- What do you feel about the newborn Taisiya?
- Sympathy.
- What do you sympathize with?
- I do not know.
- What did mom tell about your appearance?
- She had a difficult birth.
- This means that the girl had to go through a difficult path of birth. She is great! From birth, she knows how to overcome obstacles and achieve her goals
- I want to touch the little one, pat her nose.
“Of course, do what you want. You can tell the baby: “You are good, you are beautiful. You are me. You and I are one person. I accept you."
Taisiya speaks words of acceptance to the imaginary baby, her eyes moisturize.
- Place the image of a newborn in your body
- Yes, it enters the heart instead of a stone.
The newborn baby could not survive without the attention of the mother. The price for this attention was the rejection of his own life. When the girl accepted herself as a newborn, she had energy, a resource for further changes.
- And again look mom in the eyes, say: “Mom, I'm an adult. I want my family. " How is your body reacting to these words now?
- Now the body reacts calmly. Taisiya says to her mother: - I want you to accept my choice. The man who will be next to me.
- How does mom react?
- Mom sees that I really have become an adult. I see her tension first, then acceptance. Mom's body relaxes. The adult Taisiya can already give the little one everything she needs. And then the need to serve the mother becomes less significant. When we can rely on our own beliefs, give ourselves attention and support, there is no need for external support. And then the relationship with the mother is built not from the position of the child, who is completely dependent on the parent, but from the position of an adult who interacts with another adult. You need to learn to live your own life, in which there is a place for mom. But, we give the MAIN PLACE in our life to ourselves.
Other articles on how to "choose yourself":
When you feel your own worth, it's easy to say no.
Is life a duty or a gift?
I blinded myself and talked to myself. Practical example.
I am a free man, but with my dad, mom I am forever.
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