2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Most often, the already familiar word "separation" means either financial independence or emotional detachment from parents, for example. In fact, separation means separateness, literal division into different parts of what was once a whole.
There is also a big difference between a real relationship and an attached relationship. That is, literally imagine a person tied to a certain point and the radius along which he walks. It is logical that the one to whom he will be attached will be perceived in very two ways: both as the meaning of life, a starting point, and as the ruler of this very radius, a jailer who does not allow one to take an extra step to the side. The attitude towards him will be the same ambivalent: from gratitude and love to fear and hatred.
The very first attachment, of course, was the umbilical cord with all the bonuses in a limited space, dependence, and also security, instant satisfaction of needs for pleasure and a sense of value and significance (ideally, of course). The difference with the rest of the attachments is that here we are not particularly asked and they are forcibly cut off. Happiness is cut short, but the memory of its unconditionality remains.
The need for new affection is a constant attempt to find and repeat that very lost special happiness. To feel valuable and significant again, to recreate this lost unique connection. The trouble is that the price a person is willing to pay for reconstructing past experiences is too high. Because this is the price of your own individuality and freedom.
Each entry into another attachment, followed by an attempt at separation, is the hope to finally go through the path of individuation: to take root in one's own identity, to become the central character of one's own life, not at the expense of someone else, but at one's own resource. The most important point here is what role is assigned to the partner. He can be either service personnel and play the role of the very point to which the rope is tied, which sets the radius of movement, or a full participant in a relationship in which everyone retains their individuality. And if the loss of oneself is impossible to recognize, then it can be very difficult to distinguish one from the other. As in this sad joke: Seryozha and Katya absolutely coincide in all tastes, but he got used to these tastes for a couple of years.
Often, abandoning a relationship in principle (albeit not entirely consciously) seems to be the only way out. Just because how to be in a relationship outside of attachment is not clear. And then being lonely is a safer option than losing yourself in another. “I am the most important and valuable” is replaced too quickly by “I am not at all” in a relationship. Therefore, the requirements for the other turn into a long unrealistic list. There is simply no such ideal person who could make completely and completely happy (which is generally true). But to put it more precisely: there is no one with whom one could not lose oneself, while remaining attached to him.
Experiencing this encounter with reality is not the most pleasant experience. But you know where it can be done with the least loss:)
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