2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A place where there is no hope.
They come and go, leaving a part of themselves in the office, and hanging as an invisible shadow of a cloud over your chair, swaying in time with the beating of your heart, they can always be here regardless of anything, because I myself let them in here. Patients are what creates life in my office, life next to my life, felt by them, fantasized, unreal, always a little distant. Our interaction is the contact of two worlds. I would like to believe in it, I would like to. How to find out exactly why the patient came to the analyst, if the patient himself, like the analyst, by the way, cannot get to himself "for an appointment" and find out what he still wants from himself in this life. In this place there is no hope, no faith, no love, there is nothing at all about which we all fantasize, there is no this in the form in which we imagine it, in the office and in the souls of people, something real lives that does not need in the hope for the best, this is something unknowable, not as glorified from the unknown as the usual attributes of our own inconsistency, this is something completely different, something that we together can feel touching each other unconsciously, a certain point of truth, a space devoid of the reasonable outlines of our familiar appearance of the perceived world, there is something that is not found anywhere else, except for our own soul - a real image of ourselves, and it is not associated with hope or faith, it is associated with the eternity of being itself, which we are not able to comprehend. How to get an appointment with yourself? This is the question that the analyst can ask himself when the field of transference and countertransference immerses him in the repressed motives of his psychic, when he fixes the patient’s psychic without touching his own. This can be when you are, as it were, turned inside out, such a metaphor is not accurate, but describes the zone of perception and the mechanism when you feel and experience, but do not interfere with your personal sensation and experience, being aloof from yourself. There is both, and balance and safety for the patient, and the dangers with fear for the analyst, which come later, after the patients leave.
Patients bring the unconscious content of the psychic analyst, and the analyst broadcasts to them their own unconscious, transferred to the analyst, this is a kind, unique picture of his life, observed from the outside, as if the patient suddenly sees himself in the analyst as a conditionally small child with whom he, the patient, tries to speak and be in the same relationship as their significant adult was with them, of course, most often it is a mother. Although, everything is not limited to the price with my mother. After all, you can live a relatively safe childhood full of joy and happiness, but bring with you to the analyst's office a feeling that does not leave the patient, a feeling of some kind of disconnected and causeless anxiety that suddenly began to be felt in life. And this is really great. When a person can feel it and give this feeling at least some value in his life, bringing his analyst for analysis. This feeling of incomprehensible anxiety is, in my understanding, the above-described collision with the deeply existential need of my soul to know its own, spiritual, origins - the eternity of being; We feel it, we somehow try to talk about it, even though it is impossible to comprehend it rationally, but sensations, and maybe even feelings, connect us with this space, of which we are a part, being turned inside out here, into our perceived reality.
Yes, there are people who, by the will of fate, feel this stronger and longer than others, who seem to be with one foot there and the other here. No, analysts are not some kind of “other” people, they are just people in a different way, this is when you feel your being mainly not through others, but more through yourself, and, therefore, you still feel less of yourself, rather, the analyst feels the world within himself. It is quite difficult to explain, but in this situation it is extremely problematic to get an appointment with yourself.
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