Addiction To Negativity

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

We noticed that in the same situation there are people who see the fulcrum and the positive, and there are those who see only the negative side of the situation. And there are those who have a unique ability - to see negativity everywhere and be sure to report (warn) others about it.

Today I want to talk about three common reasons for the emergence of such thinking and perception of life.

Reason 1. A deep need to change childhood stories

We each had a difficult childhood in its own way, but there are those of us who grew up in a situation of constant crises, quarrels, rejection and pressure. Imagine a child on whom every day parents "poured" their negativity in the form: "Why didn't you do your homework? Why didn't you finish? Is it difficult to get ready quickly? " etc.

In fact, the question was not in the child, but in the fact that it was simply difficult for them to sort out their relationships, to do something with the lack of money, their friends, hobbies, their general satisfaction with life. As a child, the child did not have the strength and ability to withstand a difficult living environment, the task was simply to survive. However, when he grew up, nothing changed and he continues to seek answers to unresolved questions: why? why did they do that? why with me? maybe there is a grain of truth in their words, and I'm really not that good? how can I make my parents change …

Then, in fact, an adult always unconsciously finds or creates situations that would be similar to children, but in which he has a chance to "recoup" and change the outcome, because he is already an adult and he has more experience, resources, and strength. The difficulty lies in one thing - when he gets into such situations, he finds himself in the projection of those childhood stories that emotionally capture him and in which, even in an adult state, it is very difficult for him to act differently

How can you help yourself if you notice that this is about you?

- tell yourself that childhood is over, you have grown up and now you decide for yourself what and how it will be in your life

- be sure to look for a qualitatively new environment, learn new interaction with the world

- go to therapy, because for high-quality long-term changes you will definitely need outside help

Reason 2. Wednesday that eats

Imagine that everything was fine with you, but then you moved to another city, got a new job and ended up in a complex team that criticizes everyone and devalues everything. You understand that work is important and necessary for you now and you start putting on a glass cap so as not to turn on … but after a while you begin to notice that you yourself begin to see everything from a new angle and new horizons are opening up. Then we recall the popular psychology, which says: (1) you earn the arithmetic mean as your 5 people with whom you spend most of your time, (2) an entrepreneur who has lost everything easily reaches the same level of income within a year or two, he his thinking helps, (3) when you communicate with someone for a long time you become very similar: habits, words, manners and even appearance.

Answer yourself honestly to the following questions:

- What environment surrounds me?

- What am I reading? What am I looking at? What sources do I get information from?

- Who are my favorites? What values do they transmit and carry to the masses?

- Who are my friends and what am I with them?

- What values and habits do I "absorb" through the environment? Do they help or hinder the achievement of the goals that are important to me?

Remember, our environment influences our thinking sooooo much, and thinking already influences the decisions we make, the mood we get from our actions.

Reason 3. Habits, Secondary Benefits, and New Neural Connections

Sometimes our temporary habits become permanent and integrate tightly into us. Any development takes place through a crisis. Crisis = growth. A crisis can be positive - when the level of stress is above the comfort zone, but our body can calmly “digest” it, moreover, this exit from the comfort zone brings us adrenaline, a rise in energy and a positive mood. It's hard for us to stop in this state))) I want more and more. And at some point, the line tilts imperceptibly and our body in stress begins to see the enemy, to defend itself and to aggro. Basic mental processes are turned on, which are aimed at maximum recognition of the enemy (and from this a subtle sense of various negative emotions) in order to take adequate actions aimed at our survival. Without noticing it, we begin to constantly experience negative emotions, improve in their recognition, feel the slightest change in state … and imperceptibly negative thinking becomes our new "useful" habit, new neural connections are formed with it, and we become suspicious and dissatisfied from a cheerful person …

What to do about it?

- to dose the level of stress in your life and to have quality (!) rest

- keep a diary of positive events (every evening, even on the phone before going to bed, write in your notes 3-5 positive events that happened to you during the day)

- regularly audit habits, set goals for developing new habits and implement them step by step into your life

The main plus of positive thinking is to see opportunities in life, respond quickly to them and just enjoy every day you live. I encourage you to notice how often you think negatively, how strong this connection is for you, and consciously decide what you want to do about it.