2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Keep it simple!" - every now and then the advisers teach: most often they are uninvited. They can be understood: the simpler you are, the more comfortable it is for them. You can respond to these calls, or you can allow yourself to be difficult and get multi-stage, multi-layered and multi-component pleasure out of life
After 40, I began to take care of my skin and go to the sea only in the evenings. This summer, already in the dark striping a swimsuit, I saw thousands of glowing crustaceans in the surf. One of them caught on my ring and glowed for a while after the wave left. It was beautiful. The sea shimmered. I called my daughter, together we admired the glow and this moment and both remembered it …
"I'm not sad, I'm complicated," said Dr. House, "girls like it.".
And it is true. But at the same time, difficult (especially difficult women) are confused with sad, gloomy and, even worse, unhappy. "How difficult it is for you!" - speak in an accusatory tone and consider this a disadvantage.
What's wrong with being difficult? This means that you have many reasons to get confused (to go deeper, to understand), but there are also many ways to have fun. And it will be a luxurious, multi-storey, complex pleasure. Even if it's beer with sprat. Because complex has more receptors, associations, flavor enhancers. They have sharper feelings and more voluminous reactions. And therefore they need less for happiness. They are so complex that they can enjoy simple things. They alone can.
If you are complex, then with age the world becomes more multidimensional for you, it opens up like a tea leaf in boiling water
You know, good perfume, when you smell it on a piece of paper, does not smell like on the body, behind the ear, not like on the wrist, and in the evening - not like in the morning. It is easier in the morning, stronger in the evening. And in my world, every person and every object seems to be sprinkled with such a perfume. Everything in it moves, everything changes outlines and meanings, depth and color, and the further, the more intense. This is called growing up and maturity, in my opinion.
I have a friend who is 12 years older. When I was thirty, and she was forty-two, she once pushed aside the keyboard, stretched in her chair, crunched her bones and exhaled: "Oooh, we still have so many highs ahead." Then I did not find any reason to be optimistic at the age of forty. But now she is 54, and it must be admitted that there really were a lot of highs and the same amount is expected. Because if you are complex, then with age the world becomes more multidimensional for you, opens up like a tea leaf in boiling water. It's like sex: for adolescents - quantity, for adults - quality. Teenagers have cheap cigarettes and sand in their underpants, adults have whiskey and an orthopedic mattress. And this is the natural course of things.
Growing up means finding many successful ways to come to terms with yourself and life
Growing up doesn't mean having a collection of shoes and building a new dressing room. It is not a lot of new things, it is a lot of new passionate interests and sensations. And there are many successful ways to come to terms with yourself and life and enjoy it all.
And experience, you can't get it anywhere. It accumulates. And it also gives volume to perception, gives a 3D effect to everything. You have already tried a lot of things, you have preferences, attachments - in colors, smells, tactile sensations, upholstery fabrics …
Yes, it matters to you. If the upholstery is, say, a brown synthetic carpet, it is not ice, of course, but you will survive - that's what an adult is for. But if light linen - you can be happy already from this. You can sit in the lobby of the hotel, wait for someone, examine your hand on the armrest and the weaving of threads in the fabric and rejoice.
And so in everything: in food and alcohol, in cities, their architecture (look what a staircase!), Places, affairs and routes, weather and nature, cinema and music, communication and friendship, - in what is important, and on to close one's eyes in a person … Selected from the multitude - their highs and favorite tastes. And all this does not weigh you down, but makes it easier.
Financial opportunities can enhance all this, but cannot replace
It's another matter if none of this happened. Somewhere something broke and didn't happen. And you do not have a deep-inner resource - large and small affections, loves, sympathies, joys, tastes of life … Financial opportunities can enhance all this, but cannot replace it.
And if there is very little you can say about what: “Oh, how I love it! I absolutely love it. " That is, you can say - love does not work. But it seems like you have to rejoice sometimes, and you look into yourself and ask: “What do I love the most in life? Who do I want to see right now? To make me so happy now that right - wow! " And in response, silence. And you can still scrape with a spoon over the copper saucepan of desires, but to no avail. And that's when it starts: “Where is my heel moisturizer? Why is the tea cold, the champagne warm? " And the ice cubes in the glass are not the right shape.
But if everything is grown-up - in life you have more than what you like. Including your quirks and oddities, grains of sand and cracks that I discovered long ago, with which I got used to and which also adorn life every day. The beauty is that you've already forgiven yourself for quirks and with everyone you have a history of relationships: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance - and it's all behind. You love them in yourself and you know that they make you different from everyone. I was convinced of this.
Maturity and complexity is when you know how to lick wounds, powder scars or wear them proudly, like orders
And also your mistakes, which were either true mistakes, or real love, which is always right. But adulthood, maturity and complexity is when you know how to lick wounds, powder scars or wear them proudly, like orders. And less often to feel loneliness, and if you feel, then do not be afraid of it.
How strange it is to listen to calls for simplicity, “simple” human joys, unpretentiousness of pleasures, sprinkling ashes on my head - yes, they say, I need more conditions for happiness, more accessories, and I don't have enough cheap port wine and “Friend” cigarettes to have fun. Longing for teenage promiscuity, recklessness and despair in everything - it sometimes comes up. But when you know and love so many different things, love in such detail, bite through with such relish, do not regret that you are not 20 years old. And how you spent hours lying on the beach, not afraid of getting burned, and getting sunburned until you completely change your skin, you remember without sweet nostalgia.
As one very successful air conditioner seller puts it, when you've found your place in the sun, your choice is to stay in the shade. There is an abyss of interesting and a long list of TV shows that you still need to watch.
What makes us feel real pleasure? The neurophysiologist believes that the ability to be oneself and trust in another, the ability not to rush and wait.
Which is better - small pleasures or all-consuming pleasure? Truly happy are those who know how to catch the bright moments of life, see meaning in them and get pleasure from them. But in order to learn this, you first need to listen to yourself …
Source:
Recommended:
Difficult Client Or Difficult Psychotherapist?
Clients with whom psychotherapists find it difficult to communicate can be divided into two groups - some with chronic mental illness, others with personality disorders. Of course, these clients have the most pronounced disorders, as a rule, long-term ones, the prognosis for which is very doubtful.
WHEN EASIER TO RELEASE YOURSELF
There are situations when it seems that you cannot (cannot = don't want to) let go of a person, it is impossible to live without him, life seems inconceivable, empty, meaningless. This other person could either die, or leave the relationship, go to others - the point is that along with the person some inner meaning, a huge part of himself, leaves, as if he took your soul with his departure.
How To Get Over Pain And Despair Easier: Methods And Recommendations
First - about the experience of pain and despair in general. There are, in my opinion, two important points that it would be good to know and remember for a person in a state of crisis. First, in pain and despair, you can somehow settle down and live this state in a special way.
A Question To Myself: "What Do I Myself, In Fact, Think About This?"
One of the common reasons for referring to a therapist is a desire to sort out the thoughts and the seeming lack of logic in the behavior of another. “Why did the guy from the dating app suddenly disappear and not answer messages ?!”, “Why does a colleague just flirt at the cooler and send emoticons, but doesn't call for lunch?
This Is A Difficult, Pre-difficult Given. Do We Know How To Accept ?
Friends, I want to put the following question on our comprehension: how much we all and each of us individually are able to accept an important, but extremely undesirable part of our life - the one that we would like to, but in no way can we change?
