2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are situations when it seems that you cannot (cannot = don't want to) let go of a person, it is impossible to live without him, life seems inconceivable, empty, meaningless. This other person could either die, or leave the relationship, go to others - the point is that along with the person some inner meaning, a huge part of himself, leaves, as if he took your soul with his departure.
At a consultation with a psychologist, you will surely hear the phrase that you need to let go of a person, continue to live on, fill your life. But sometimes it seems that it's easier to let go of yourself …
Why is this happening? In the absence of love for oneself (in general, even for droplets), the lover fills the inner vacuum - with "love" for another person. And yes, it seems that if you let IT go, you will be left with nothing, with a black hole inside, with an abyss that sucks inside. And that it is better not to live at all than to be left with this emptiness. Because worse than the pain that has now filled all the insides and saturated every cell of the body, there can be only this emptiness - nothing … You couldn't say better: it's easier to let go of yourself.
In one of my articles I told that a person is aware of himself, his existence in two states - this is love or pain. If there is no love for oneself, there is a filling of one's own meaning, one's self-awareness through the love of another. Then the following situation occurs: you are empty, there is nothing inside and a person appears who by his appearance brought meaning, you feel life, you feel that you are, you exist, you live. "I am loved - here I am, I feel myself." When the beloved leaves, leaves, he takes EVERYTHING.
And if there is no more love, then pain remains, because if a person ceases to feel himself in love, he begins to feel himself in pain. From suffering, worries, picks out this wound, suffering turns into an end in itself, suffering for the sake of suffering. The proposal to let go of this pain, to end suffering means to let go of the only thing that allows you to feel life!
Let's pretend you are a pitcher. The jug was empty, which meant that life was empty and meaningless. And when HE appeared, you filled your jug with, say, water. And it was a pleasant feeling of fullness and happiness! You quickly get used to good things, so when a person leaves and takes water with him, you want to fill the jug with anything - even with fuel oil, just to never feel NOTHING again! Never feel like I'm not there! Fuel oil is at least something, it is in any way more than nothing than zero. And now you need to slowly pour milk into a jug of fuel oil (self-love). The fuel oil will be gradually displaced and so on until there is only milk left.
How does this happen? Where does self-love come from? Through crying out pain, resentment - this time. Two - a person needs to learn to feel himself. It's like he's a newborn baby. The baby begins to study his body, gets acquainted with his capabilities: squeezes and unclenches his fists, jerks his legs, makes sounds (hums), feels himself. First he gets to know himself. He begins to feel his existence through studying himself, his movements, his voice, through the taste sensations that he feels when he drinks his mother's milk. A small child is endlessly busy studying himself, when he begins to crawl, he begins to study the world around him.
Start small - look at your body as if you are seeing it for the first time! Feel yourself literally: your legs, hips, stomach, shoulders, hair, cheeks, lips, ears, neck. Do not allow judgments: "The legs are crooked, the neck is thick, the eyes are slanting!" A small child does not evaluate himself in any way, he simply studies, out of curiosity, out of a thirst for knowledge. Awaken that curiosity within yourself and see yourself through the eyes of an inquisitive newborn child.
Next, start exploring what you like and what you don't. What kind of music is REALLY to your taste? No hard rock, no snot, listen as if you are listening for the first time, without endowing this or that song with meaning or nostalgic memories. What food do you REALLY like? Feel the taste, immerse yourself in these taste sensations. Eat carrots and taste them, eat potatoes, drink milk, compote, orange juice. Miracles happen sometimes! A man who was previously convinced that he hated semolina suddenly finds it delicious! You may start to like milk froth, but before your favorite cheesecake suddenly seems tasteless, before your favorite mayonnaise will feel like oily muck in your mouth! What smells do you like the most? What position is more comfortable for you to sit in? What movements do you like?
Get to know yourself, reassemble yourself, piece by piece. Learn to feel yourself, only yourself, without anyone, as a separate person. And answer yourself: what (what) am I? That I love? What I like? What is repulsive? What do I dislike? Before you love something, you need to find out! The same applies to myself …
It may seem to you that you know yourself, you have been living with yourself for 20, 30, 45, 60 years! Believe me, it’s not true! If you don’t love yourself, then you don’t know yourself. And all your judgments about yourself are built on the subjective assessments of others, people who do not like themselves like that!
Get to know yourself and love yourself!
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