Stop Doing It

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

My sketch is about little things. Sometimes they, like annoying mosquitoes, prevent us from building warm relationships with people. There is no need to dig deep here - you should pay attention to some details, admit mistakes and add new touches to your image. My sketch is not about how to please others. Most likely, how to become better - and please yourself. And this will not pass unnoticed by others, for sure

"Well, what do they lack? I am so open, so kind to them, so generous … I will help everyone who comes to me, I will give the best dress, I will take the last chicken out of the freezer … I don’t feel sorry for anything for them - at least advice, at least on the right path, at least money, at least any thing … Or what kind of service - it’s just for once! Just like that, because they may need more than me. And they leave … And no one calls with them … And they call less and less …"

Is there such a thing? I think it happens. And not so rarely. Okay, since such a conversation has begun, I confess. I, too, once didn’t understand a thing: why sometimes they don’t want to be friends with me, so cool, and they don’t invite me to visit.

It took a long time. I visited both there and there, learned something, made conclusions that I want to share with you. Although I admit that humanity is more like learning from their mistakes.

Was there something that, like, you would say a compliment, but in fact, instead of honey, you would offer a spoonful of quality tar? “You know, I like these pants, but the pockets on the legs are so ugly! - and her face bends so disgustedly that your girlfriend is ready to rip and eat these unfortunate pockets right there. Why are there pockets! In the pants of these so defective, she suddenly realizes that she is ready to run away from you with her bare bottom

What's happening?

The fact is that by remarking about pockets you showed that your taste is better and above the taste of your friend! To really finish it off, you can add: "Your legs are beautiful, only your hips are a little heavy." Everything! You don't have a girlfriend.

And here's another road to hell.

“You have a good car, only few options. I would not buy this one"

“Cozy apartment. But the view from the window spoils everything"

“Oh, what a funny dog! Sorry, no pedigree"

What to do?

But nothing. Your friend already wears these pants and lives with her hips. She became akin to them. And she hung beautiful curtains on the window to hide the imperfection of the universe - do you think you can't see that there is a trash can there? When you say nasty things about her clothes, or food, or any other thing, you say nasty things about her. You want to say something nice, to find something that does not cause contradictions in you.

2. Does it happen that when you talk to a person, your whole conversation is a monologue? Your monologue. No, sometimes the second one tries to insert something, support the conversation, ask, express his opinion. It was not so! You, without listening to the end, interrupt - you want to show off the gift of clairvoyance and show what your interlocutor means - you begin to tell him in detail, although he wanted to know something completely different.

This is how people will be silent with you and leave.

What to do?

It's simple. And you know it. Maintain a conversation. Maintain balance. It's like playing with a ball: when it's only you who play, others get bored.

3. Well, finally! The dialogue has taken place! And again, not that! Again the interlocutor disappeared and in response to your calls to meet comes up with important and urgent matters.

Remember how you said. As you say. Wasn't there superiority on your part? Arrogance?

“Do you buy food from this store? We eat everything that is environmentally friendly. I have my own milkmaid, my butcher and my greengrocer …"

"What are you, this is an original phone, not some kind of Chinese consumer goods …"

"I never do network marketing training."

"I only wear gold"

What to do?

Remove pathos. And with him and arrogance. The world has long been living as it wants. And you can't even imagine what is hidden behind a simple ring of your new girlfriend.

4. Or maybe it happened that someone wants to share their feelings with you, and you treat him right there? It happened to me. When I just started practicing as a psychologist. She seemed so smart to herself that she was bursting to teach all the illiterate minds. The loved ones especially suffered. You start asking questions for understanding, and then tell from the age of 32 why and how everything happens. Congratulations! At the very least, you get people to stop talking about themselves.

What to do?

Listen. Understand what your interlocutor wants. If he needs your help, he will ask for it. Doesn't ask - it means that he only needs your participation. Sympathize. Calm down. Have fun or rejoice together. Everything.

5. Has it ever happened that in two completely identical situations you value one person above all else, and you do not notice the other at all? By the way, this happens to relatives, friends, long-term employees.

For example, someone did a favor for you: he helped to draw up a report, prepared a dinner for a large company, conducted a series of interviews … And here you are, in the presence of a person who tries for you every day and does it well, praising the merits of a random assistant without noticing that, who has made your life easier for many years. As a result, he stops trying, and soon he tries elsewhere.

What to do?

And praise everyone! But especially remember those who are side by side with you every day.

6. Or maybe you like to teach, but don't know about it? I know what is it! Fifteen years of working as a teacher were not in vain, and one day I got a blow (figuratively) for my tone. By the way, doesn't my article sound instructive? If anything - excuse me, please, I'm just sharing my experience. If you want - apply, no - I will not be offended.

What to do?

Listen to yourself. Observe. In the end, ask the person for feedback if you suddenly feel your edifying tone yourself. It's not a shame. Ask. People will appreciate you. They will perceive your questions as taking care of themselves.

7. Do you seem very important and very serious to yourself? Do you show your disapproval if something is not going the way you would like? Do you often make comments? Expect only excellent behavior from people? Imposing your point of view on them? Are you offended when they disagree with yours? And you wonder why you are suddenly left alone ?!

What to do?

Throw it! Stop acting like that! Did I say it's not fashionable to take yourself seriously now? No? So, I say! Smile! Joke! Forgive people for their imperfection. Accept your shortcomings. They give you the opportunity for growth, development, constant movement forward, without which life turns into a swamp.