Codependent Personality Type Or "employer's Dream"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A lot, a lot has already been written about codependent individuals! I would like to consider one more aspect: how employers and managers treat people of this type.

To begin with, I will explain who we are talking about. These are not necessarily the adult children of alcoholics, wives or husbands of addicts, they include emotionally dependent people. These are all those who, at a certain moment in their lives, chose another person as the main one, while sacrificing their feelings, desires and interests.

Good or bad is not important in this article. It is important that the mechanism of interaction with people has been worked out and a person always puts the interests of the other above his own.

So, modern employers! What do employers want from employees? Effective work, quickly, efficiently and better, so that for not a lot of money. For maximum efficiency, the employee must be as involved as possible in the work! And what is needed for maximum engagement, for an off-scale level of motivation (I mean the internal motivation of an employee)? Not much is needed - work should be fun! Ideally, the employer (or rather the personnel department) needs to find such a person who is most suitable for a specific functionality, who would enjoy the work process itself. But this is very difficult and time-consuming! An employee, as a rule, is needed “yesterday”. I know only one company in Yekaterinburg, which is not tied to the deadline for closing a vacancy, and is looking for the right person until it finds it. In the overwhelming majority, an employee is hired who is ready to perform a certain function for a certain remuneration. The employee is not quite suitable for this functionality, but he should bring results. In order to squeeze the maximum efficiency out of a person, he needs to be stimulated somehow. The employer introduces a corporate culture, begins to systematically organize corporate events, pays for insurance for the employee, and sometimes for his relatives. And this is where the fun begins! If an employee is not dependent, if everything is in order with the boundaries, and he knows how to defend them, then he will leave work on time, and corporate parties and other events on weekends will strain him, because besides work, he still has a personal life, a family, friends, hobbies, various plans. And a codependent employee will donate everything for the sake of the employer or the team, or the leader! Work becomes his family, it is there that he feels important and needed, a part of a large family, a system, he is put as if whole there, and outside the framework of work ceases to exist.

Such employees work a lot, easily agree to take an extra shift or on a weekend, they are active participants in any event! They often think that this job is the best thing that happened to them in their life! They really appreciate the leadership, they are very grateful for everything that the job gives them! They think about work on weekends and vacations! And if suddenly during a vacation from work they do not call, they get upset, because the body cannot function without a vital organ! And they are - this important organ

Such an employee is very easy to manage! He can be blamed, ashamed and he will work harder, it is easy to manipulate him, under the guise of developing his competencies, more and more immerse him in dependence on the company!

It is unlikely that this process of choosing such an employee occurs deliberately! After all, the HR manager is not given a task: find us a codependent. Another portrait is painted for him, with competencies and experience detailed. But unconsciously, always a codependent person will be more preferable to the employer.

Every medal has a downside! And here it is the same. Endlessly enduring border violations is unbearable, and the employee may become angry with the employer. And these are just those people who are not happy with something all the time, who remember “how good it was before,” but do not change their jobs, but continue to express their anger on the sidelines. And another form of anger is when an employee unconsciously begins to sabotage the work process. The efficiency drops dramatically even though it does the same. A competent leader conducts a motivational conversation and everything returns to normal again.

What if you see yourself in the employee description?

It's important to separate yourself from work. Try to look at the situation from the other side: I need a job to satisfy MY needs. In contrast to the position “I am needed at work, because without me the whole process will stop there”.

It is important to understand what needs you meet at work. This can be done using a simple "why" technique. The first question is: why do I go to work? After answering it, ask yourself further "why do I need this?" and so on … Ultimately, the true need must become clear. Well, maybe you already understand it. Then the next step is important: how else, without violating my boundaries, without sacrificing myself, can I satisfy this need?

Of course, the separation does not go quickly. This is a long-term process that is more effective in therapy. But the first step - realizing your role at work - you can do yourself!