2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Author: Vitaly Danilov
Recently I got an interesting question:
It seems to a codependent person that he is doing good and caring for his neighbor. This is normal for him, he feels satisfaction from his help. He considers those who disagree either "ordinary people", against whom he is special, or egoists
Vitaly, your opinion is interesting, how can a codependent person realize that he is codependent
Here's my answer, Yegor:
You can't do it on your own! Codependency is one of the symptoms of neurotic personality disorder. And in order to better understand the structure of codependency, pay attention to the etiology of neurotic disorder!
A neurotic disorder affects such a part of the psyche as awareness. Mindfulness is the ability to make profitable autonomous decisions based primarily on the basic needs of your body. Such as:
A) self-preservation
B) pleasure
D) development
As a cancerous tumor metastasizes to various organs destroying them, so a neurotic disorder affects a person with irresponsibility towards himself. A person begins to spit on his health, development, growth, intelligence, feelings. Ultimately, a person loses himself so much and does not realize that it is impossible for him to focus on himself. Alone with himself, such a person becomes extremely unbearable, boring and meaningless, painfully lonely. Painful loneliness draws a person into pain relief from himself. Pain relief becomes the meaning of life. An acute need for pain relief leads a person to addictive behavior:
A) Socially condemned (alcohol, drugs, tobacco-smoking, etc.)
B) Socially encouraged (workaholism, overeating, religiosity, codependency)
By focusing his attention on another person, the codependent neurotic avoids a painful meeting with himself, with his inner chaos and confusion. For anesthesia through codependency, the behavior of the object of attention is absolutely not important.
For example:
A codependent neurotic can admire the object of his codependency 24 hours a day. A codependent mother constantly admires her son, telling everyone and everyone how she is proud of him and half of the city knows what a great fellow Vasya is, how much he earns and what his aspirations are. And of course Vassenka is constantly being told that he would not have had anything without such a wonderful mother.
Or
A codependent neurotic husband constantly nags his wife that she is not grateful, an egoist, she only cares about herself, does not pay attention to him, does not devote her life to him for the unfortunate. And he did so much for her as a hero!
The conclusion is this: a codependent has absolutely no difference how to focus on the object of his attention, he can demonstratively suffer or admire. And this and that condition helps to numb the true cause of the mental disorder.
And here questions arise: if an inflammatory process of the psyche occurs inside, causing acute pain, would I want to give up pain relief? What is more pleasant: To be a Mother who devoted herself entirely to ungrateful children, a Husband a Hero-Sufferer, a Hyper-Caring Friend, or to Recognize a Neurotic Disorder that struck the psyche and caused an irresponsible attitude towards oneself and one's true needs?
And just as a drunken alcoholic flatly refuses to admit his alcoholism, so a codependent is constantly in denial of his illness, looking for those to blame for the failure of his own life.
In my practice, I see that only codependent neurotics who have lost contact with the object of their codependency turn to the analytical process for help, for example: the wife abandoned the codependent husband, the son stopped communicating with the codependent mother. And only when left alone with oneself and unbearable pain is there a small chance that a codependent neurotic will seek help from a specialist. Only acute pain can initiate the analytic process. But, as a rule, a codependent neurotic finds himself a new object of painful attachment and switches the focus of his attention to it, which leads to a chronic course of neurotic personality disorder.
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