My Pain, Love Me

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

My pain, love me.

Scene one.

A solitary cell in which the mother sits in pain caused by her child when he was born and deprived her of her usual life, i.e. illusion, followed by innocence. The mother suffers and feels herself in the prison of her new image of the mother, and the jailer in her is a child. The child jailer guards the mother's pain, thus controlling the mother, tying her to himself with chains on his arms and keys on his belt, with which he rings, approaching the cell, and looking through the peephole on the door, as if looking into the mother's soul. The child guards the mother's pain, while he himself eventually becomes a prisoner in this prison, and dependent on the life of the prisoner, because if the prisoner dies, he will not be able to be with her and torture her. The torment of the mother became for the child the meaning of his work as an overseer, over time, he became a sadist, showing his mother's pain his pseudo joy that he could be released, because he has such an opportunity. Over time, the pain of his mother began to disbelieve his happiness with her tacit refusal to envy his successes and get mad at their demonstration. The situation leads to the fact that the pain of the mother becomes a guard over the child, who becomes a prisoner in his own prison next to the solitary cell of the mother's pain. The mother's pain became dull and lost the will to fight, resigned to the fact that she would die in this prison, which does not suit the child, because then he will lose control and his attachment to his mother. He is locked into the trap of the hopelessness and impasse of this situation and waits for the situation to be resolved by the death of his mother's pain, and then he, not a killer and not defeated, will leave prison, or he can also die. He does not know what the end will be, and the mother's pain is also silent, not letting go of him, and not making any attempts to escape or die on her own. Everything goes slowly and painfully. The prisoner and the overseer have changed places and now the prisoner tortures the guard and is silent. The watchman begs for mercy, hinting to the prisoner that it would be cool to die and blackmails the mother's pain with his desire to die. The mother's pain is silent in response. The watchman is tormented.

Scene two.

It all begins with the fact that the child is looking for a mother in order to play with her and in his search goes to the mother's voice similar to nervous muttering and complaints of dissatisfaction with life (these complaints will then be muttered by the guard looking through the barred window into the cell to the mother's pain). The child goes to the voice and enters the house, where the mother stands in front of the mirror and speaks there with her reflection. She leaves for work, which, according to her, she really likes, because she rests on it, and this is for her a trip to freedom from the prison in which her parents live (her ancestors, her family in which she grew up), and in which she is forced to live next to them is she (her feelings for her mother). She leaves, and the child is left alone in the house, he looks in the mirror where the mother looked earlier and sees how a "through the looking glass" appeared in the mirror in the form of a wall surrounded by walls, such as a solitary cell, and in this fog sits his mother, her reflection and her pain … This is how a solitary confinement cell, a prisoner and a warden enters.

Scene three.

It all starts with the child's love for the mother and his desire to play with her (self-knowledge). And he begins to play with the mother who remained, i.e. with the pain of his mother, he tries to revive her, feeling her dead part of the soul, he tells her the news and tells her what he wants to do and how to play. Over time, the boy sees the futility of his attempts to draw pain out of the fog, and he himself sees that he does not want to go to his mother in the fog, and he gets used to the role of an observer at the mirror. Then it develops into his experiment on inflicting pain on the mother (pain on the mother), by the fact that he does everything so as to irritate her, this stimulates him to further such actions. It becomes a prison where a grown-up boy (the image of Peter Pen, Carlson) tortures his mother and fucks himself. He begins to understand that he is in prison because of her, because of her unwillingness to go out with him and play with him, and this makes him angry. Then, he gets tired of his anger and gets tired of playing guard. Then he begins to understand that he himself has become a prisoner and is already asking for mercy from his mother's pain to release him. She does not believe him, he feels that she senses his falsity in the fact that he cannot leave her, because he himself is an overseer here and this infuriates him even more. He waits for her to die, copying her silent silence and dull sitting in place. He expects her to die first, she expects him to leave and leave her free of him (a fantasy of getting rid of guilt before the child and her mother). Both are silent.