2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Parents living with pain in their souls will only pass on pain to their child. But children will perceive it as love. And from that moment on, pain and love will be identical in them.
Adult men and women of such parents will choose partners who can hurt them, because otherwise they will not feel love.
There is a substitution of concepts and people suffer. If such a person, crippled by pain by a parent, is placed in love without scandals and dramas, with understanding and acceptance, with a desire to do something for another, then he will say that he does not feel anything. Because the degree of pain is very low. Unwittingly, the person himself will begin to shake the relationship in order to get his portion of emotions: ignore, offend, devalue, etc. Everyone chooses a set of techniques closer, and as a rule it is the same that his parents used without realizing, thinking that they love so much child.
What can be done?
1. Realize that the substitution of concepts is playing in you, that what you take for love is nothing more than just pain, and that is not yours.
2. Determine for yourself what is included in your understanding of love, what manifestations you need to feel that you are loved. (book of 5 languages of love)
3. Entering into a relationship to correlate their already defined for themselves "good" with what is happening. Now, if you are with a person and you feel good in his “good”, then you should continue, but bad (apathy, depression, bouts of aggression, low self-esteem and depreciation), then apparently you are not in your “good”, and the choice is yours.
At the very beginning, there will be a breakdown, like a drug addict, the degree of emotions will not be enough, you will want to undermine the relationship: whims, scandals, nagging, ignorance. The main thing in this process is to understand what is happening to you. Even having begun to shake "normal" relationships, do it consciously, because when there is no awareness of what is happening, it is impossible to change anything. And conscious unconsciousness has a chance to change behavior. Then it will become a habit, and then in your "good", it will really become good.
Love is not pain.
Author: Darzhina Irina Mikhailovna
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