2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I read another pseudo-psychological article about female loneliness. And so I was hooked that I could not keep silent. Where does this endless "how to find a husband", "how not to be left alone" and "what am I doing wrong"? Why are smart and beautiful women judged solely for their ability to mate? Why are professional and creative achievements still depreciated if there is “no man” nearby? What, without a partner, life ends? The sun is hiding behind clouds, and a dreary veil envelops the earth?
What if a woman feels good and comfortable alone? What if she doesn't want to build a nest and dance with tambourines, attracting a male? Why are there no courses on “what a man should be able to do for you to pay attention to him”? Or is it enough for a man to have the letter “M” in the “gender” column to become a coveted prize?
I'm not a feminist. I respect traditional values like family and marriage. There have been periods of happy partnership and gracious loneliness in my life. I just do not identify myself with a stamp in my passport. I exist and function perfectly both in pairs and solo. May I not go out to the river at sunset and, thoughtfully chewing on a dried frog's leg, whisper affirmations? Can I not beg the Universe to send me a husband? Can I just enjoy my life: go to exhibitions, listen to music, write articles and communicate with friends, raise a child, travel and swing my ass for health, and not for a potential groom. Can I live for myself - just because I enjoy it?
I am of the opinion that adults build relationships the way they feel comfortable. Someone loves men, someone women, and someone is generally asexual and saw these stereotypes in your grave. Someone wants to get married and have five children, while someone needs periodic meetings. Someone is looking for reliable partnerships with a mortgage and a car on a loan, and someone is nicer than polyamory. Everyone has their own desires, their own standards and their own definition of happiness.
As a psychologist, I do not give advice. But as a woman, I can share with you one recipe. In order not to be lonely, you need not a husband, but satisfaction with your own life. Each person is multifaceted. A relationship with a man is just one aspect of happiness. You can be lonely in a marriage. You can be unhappy surrounded by people who love you. It is possible to experience a sense of despair at the outward trappings of success. The only thing that makes us truly happy is love. And above all, self-love. It is she who is projected onto others, creating an atmosphere of warmth and joy around us. If we are dissatisfied with ourselves, no one of the best men will make us happy.
Loneliness - inside - in our head. A surrogate for a relationship is not a panacea. The recipe is simple - be in tune with yourself, look for yourself and enjoy every moment, work to achieve your dream (whatever it may be) and constantly move forward. Only a woman who is happy, confident and satisfied with her life can attract other people. Only one who knows loneliness can appreciate other people's feelings. Only one who lives in peace with himself can accept the closeness of another, without fear of losing his “I”. Acceptance of self-worth, multiplied by love, gives a sense of harmony. This is where the real magic is. The rest is nothing more than dried frog legs.
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