Dysfunctional Marriage

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The concept of "dysfunctional family" is widely used not only among specialists, but also in vain. Many say, but as it turns out, they either do not understand or do not refer to specific situations. Returning to the original post, let me remind you that the discussion was about a specific case and about a group of similar situations that currently arise in families and lead to the breakdown of marriage, when women find themselves in an unfavorable position for themselves. And maybe it will be unpleasant for someone to hear, men also find themselves in the place of women. However, due to cultural characteristics, women are there more often. And here the conversation is not about the fact that all men are goats and only think about how to enslave women. It is often the generation of grandmothers and mothers who are to blame for inspiring a girl that any claims to a man, small or large, are a sign of her unfitness for relationships with the opposite sex. In fact, they call future wives and mothers to the position of the victim in family relationships. Even if a man does not need sacrifices, ladies begin to sacrifice themselves so imperceptibly for him. They cannot afford any other communication with a partner other than manipulation. It happens that the ladies break through at a certain moment, and the husband turns out to be a tyrant with many years of experience. And nothing can be fixed, because the best years have already been given to him, and suffering has been inflicted on him. But this does not negate the fact that there are a considerable number of men who believe that a woman must sacrifice everything for the happiness of being with him. Men do not disclose all their principles at once, because the overwhelming majority of status and educated women do not see themselves in the role of a lifelong housewife and will not voluntarily agree to this. And so, when the children are in her arms, she is confronted with the fact that her business is exclusively serving a man, and nothing else. It happens that events develop exactly the opposite, when a woman is in the place of a man. With the permission of men who are sensitive to female chauvinism, I will not rewrite the same thing with a change of roles. Whatever it was, whoever and where was not standing in these situations, the result is a dysfunctional marriage. What it is? This is a marriage that does not fulfill its functions. And, imagine that not necessarily in this case both parties are unhappy with the relationship. The suffering of one partner is enough for a marriage to become dysfunctional. One of the spouses can be happy to the fullest, because his needs and desires are fully satisfied. It is for this person that the claims from the second half seem to be a whim. What is he / she doing? Everything is fine! I feel good, but you throw mud at me, say that you do not like the relationship. Or this explosion for what: "You ruined my life!" Virginia Satir, a family therapist, described in great detail the principles of dysfunctional family life. Basically, it was about its impact on children. The child is interested in the family working normally, and therefore he behaves in such a way as to smooth out family imbalances by himself. This often becomes the cause of various psychological deviations and anomalies in his psyche. But in fact, any member of the family can prop up a dysfunctional family. More often, this is a woman whom society recommends to get emotionally upset, but to keep the family. And with this case it often turns out as with metal fatigue. Microchanges are gradually increasing, and sometime scrapping comes. A woman does not have to straighten up and give her husband a forehead. More often than not, she is crushed under the weight of her emotional obligations and sacrifices. Naturally, this happens to men too. This is the basis of family dysfunction, when the personality of at least one member of a couple wears out, and he has no opportunity to renew himself. What are the signs of a dysfunctional family?

1. One or both partners have chemical or behavioral addictions.
2. One or both partners feel more invested in the relationship than the other. In fact, this is the lack of adequate positive feedback.
3. In solving any issue, tension or friction arises between partners. There is no way to constructively solve the problem. It is decided in favor of one, or not at all.
4. One or both partners in the course of the relationship regularly experience those feelings that he does not want to experience, considers them wrong (anger, shame, humiliation, etc.)
5. One of the partners has an emotional and legal (intrafamilial, not legal) advantage, regularly uses it against the other.
6. One or both partners feel unhappy in their marriage or experience constant frustration from the relationship.
7. There is no sense of security and confidence in a relationship.
8. One of the partners does not feel entitled or is directly prohibited from expressing his opinion or desires. He has no right to discuss his position in the family, much less dissatisfaction.
9. There is violence in the family, both emotional and physical.

And to the question of “resource ratism”. The dysfunctional family, and especially the position of the "unstable" one, requires incredible emotional costs. Where does the energy go? But here: - If there is no or not enough positive feedback, then you have to invest more. This concerns not only more work or more borscht, but emotional contribution. One of the parties sometimes needs more attention incrementally, and what was normal today will not be enough tomorrow. - From the first point it follows that most of the communications in the family becomes ineffective. It takes a lot of time to achieve a certain result, for example, an elementary agreement. - How to communicate and achieve goals in the family? Only manipulations remain. And not only because women were taught this way, but also because in many cases in dysfunctional families men are not tuned in to other methods of communication. They do not want to take responsibility for solving problems or are afraid that their wife will start ordering them. And so, they seem to be out of business. - Most of the interactions between partners go into the "virtual space". Not on the Internet, but into the realm of the imagination. There are built strategies, complex and multi-step, how to get what I want from the other, and how this will affect the future of the relationship. - In such families, a lot of time is spent on all sorts of psychological games, long confrontations, passive aggression and demonstrative behavior. And then rearrange that one of the partners leaves this relationship and … you don't need to waste time and effort on this. This is where resources are freed up. And, besides, on the farm if minus one person in service is a huge relief for the one who provides the service. And to be honest, some men require more attention than three children. Dysfunctional marriage "is not seen better from the outside." It is more visible from the inside. Outwardly, all family members "smile and wave." The question is, who needs to put how much effort into a smile for outsiders. It is often easier for a man or woman who actually provides the family with finances to show their contribution by demonstrating numbers and purchased things. Good housekeeping is often not visible. And you can see when he is not being led.

Sly and cunning women do not leave marriage. You can't kick them out of marriage. The payment of alimony to his ex-wife is largely the goodwill of a man in the Russian Federation. Yes, very few people are happy with this, many curse the ex, but by and large, men can not pay for years if they do not want to pay or pay such amounts that children cannot buy fruit once. Why the hell would an insidious woman leave marriage, especially if her husband works, earns a lot, and spends lavishly on his wife and children? Yes, of course, all talk about women's rights can be reduced to female chauvinism. Yes, you can also stick the topic of a dysfunctional marriage there. Then there is nothing to talk about the rights of men, because then this is male chauvinism.

Comment: /// He is the same humanoid with two arms and a head and differs from his wife, I do not know what a thousandth of a percent of DNA. Where should the resources come from? Time ? Strength? Knowledge ? No one in his life pays for him to go to psychologists and is not interested in his interests and psychological state. (I take the average husband, not the majors). ///

No, but seriously, what's the difference? If the wife ran out of resources and she left, what is the problem? If a man himself asserts his right to earn money, what is the claim? He has no resources, powers of knowledge, time, etc. Where does the wife get her strength, knowledge, time for children, borscht and cleaning? Someone thinks that raising children (namely bringing up, taking them to clinics, feeding them, doing homework with them, and not coming home at 11 o'clock and looking at a sleeping child) is a business that does not require any time and intellectual resources?

"Major" who is this? A man who effectively invests energy, time and knowledge in work? Those. a man who makes a successful career, he is definitely a major. I, in general, never said that all responsibility is on the men in the collapse of marriage. But often it is the husband who puts a lot of effort into this business. I know many women who, after a divorce, provide themselves well and raise their children, and their husbands do not pay them a dime. Yes, it is difficult for women, but no more difficult than living with a man who did not give a damn about her. And all this happens because the wife is interested in the psychological state, the husband is not interested. In this we have the described outcome. It would be interesting for her husband what she lacks, even without psychology, everything would be fine. Dysfunctional marriage is not a verdict on marriage; it is a condition that can be corrected. But one of the spouses cannot do all the work for two. If the other takes a passive position in terms of building relationships, then nothing good will come of it.