Pain And Guilt. Girl And The Desert

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I write only about my own experience, but observing women in the process of breaking up with her husband, I saw pain and guilt in almost everyone. They go hand in hand.

Pain

The pain lasts continuously, and absolutely everything causes it. Empty half of the bed. His things are in the closet, which he hasn’t picked up yet. The sound of a car under the window. The key turned in the door … in the neighbor's room. 7pm, 8pm, 12am … and it's different now. Nights, if you have even a drop of imagination, and he left for another, nights are the worst. I was afraid of them and did not sleep.

The past and the future hurt, I rushed between these two times like a chicken.

Everything has been poisoned in the past. Disconnected phone. A friend's birthday, which for some reason he left without me. His late absences, new words, strange knowledge about women's perfume, inconsistencies and inconsistencies, which have now acquired a poisonous clarity. I poisoned myself with the truth, like poison.

The future has collapsed. I am now a castaway, a divorced woman and a loner - all the most unprepossessing definitions "from the people" floated in my head, and I could not forgive myself for this new status. From a prosperous woman, I turned into a girl with frightened, like a dog's eyes. I have a photograph from that period - I am smiling there, and my eyes are frightened.

A friend who survived this, once called and ordered to remove all his things out of sight. I didn’t believe her, but stupidly obeyed. Taking his trousers from the closet to put them in my bag, I noticed white wool on the leg. That cat! I burst into tears, hugging our gray cat. I understood everything. But I did not understand how he could exchange our unique cat, his pet, for someone else's cat!

This is just an example of how literally everything catches by surprise. By the way, the removed things made me feel very relieved.

The woman has no present at this time.

I didn't have it until one day I learned to live in five minutes.

I sat in the bathroom and shed tears as usual. You know, every sound is familiar in family life. When one of us was taking a bath, the other always knocked on the door - to come and chat and sit next to him. I listened out of habit, then remembered that no one would come now, and burst into tears. At some point, I clearly remember it, I looked at the white foam hat on my knee and realized that I could not go on. That I'm going to die right here now, and I have a daughter. And then I said to myself - now you will wash your hair and have some tea, and then we'll see.

So I learned to live in short dashes from five minutes to the next five minutes, when it became unbearable to think about everything. I highly recommend this to you. Then almost real Zen grew out of this skill, but more on that later.

Guilt

The next thing that falls on the abandoned woman after the pain is gigantic guilt, from which you choke. I was doing something wrong. I did everything wrong. He felt bad and left. I began to hate myself, and I always hate very coldly.

One night, accepting as fact that I was doing something wrong, I decided to find out where I was wrong. Looking ahead, I'll say that I'm still figuring this out, and it's useful. At that moment, with a clear head, I realized that I could not cope myself, and decided to go to a psychotherapist.

Dear women, be sure to use this opportunity. I dare to assure you that this must be done without fail. This is not accepted in our country, but in our country they have been wiping themselves with newspapers for a long time, sorry. A psychologist or family psychotherapist will do two things: first, relieve the acute condition, and you will be able to think; secondly, you will think in the right direction under his guidance. Amazing discoveries and an irresistible desire to shout: "How I did not understand this before!"

And also the desire to drag her husband there, because "now everything will be fine if we understand everything?"

This cannot be done, of course. You only work with yourself. Look for the therapist, at the session with whom you will start crying and from whom you will leave with a relieved heart. If this is not the case, change the specialist.

So, what can and should be done at this most acute stage:

- remove your husband's belongings out of sight, even if you hope that he will return tomorrow;

- find your own psychologist;

- ask your friends to take care of you.

But more on that separately.

You know, they leave everyone. But most often they leave the place where there is no sex. There is no sex where you put on yourself with the device as a woman. Now I am not interested in the reasons for this, but at the time when my husband left me, I wore baggy clothes, the hairdresser dyed me unsuccessfully, and I weighed 10 kg more than necessary. I enthusiastically built a nest and cooked pizza, and our daily menu occupied me much more than a new disc of porn.

When my sister grabbed me by the collar and dragged me around the shops, borrowing money, I resisted. To what? Life is over.

Life turned on again when I went to the cosmetics counter. And not because I love jars, although I do. I didn't care about the jars then. But I suddenly realized convulsively that I do not remember what kind of lipstick I love. And I loved Nina Richie. It took me five minutes to painfully recall its existence. To understand to what bottom I have sunk - five more. After that, I bought a hair dye and for the first time in the last year - transparent black stockings instead of the usual tight tights. I got on my heels again and that very night, hating myself as a redhead, repainted black. And I felt better. And Nina Ritchie, while I was drunkenly throwing myself, they stopped letting out, like that.

And hence my third recommendation: shopping and hairdressing

Dye your hair and cut it as quickly as possible! And to lose weight you will lose weight anyway. Over the next five months, I lost 11 kg.