Mom Is Good

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

- I would like to understand who I am.

I looked at him. I saw a mature, well-groomed man in carefully selected clothes, in an exquisite perfume, in an expensive watch and a fresh tan.

- Who are you?

He fidgeted. He began to tell that a friend had recently had an abortion. She got pregnant and he was not ready to marry. We met for two years before.

- What's the problem then? You didn't have an abortion.

He agreed that this was not his problem. She is a grown girl and she knows what to do. And then he added that he was dreary. After all, they parted. She lost interest in him, stopped showing affection and attention. He didn't want to mess with it. He's not her daddy.

Not a word about her about herself. What is she, who is she, how she feels after an abortion and separation. When telling the story, the client tried, simultaneously with his story, to capture me with charm. He smiled intriguingly, played with his eyebrows and flirted with words. He told about the gym, that he leads an active lifestyle, eats exclusively healthy food. No McDonald's. Reads a lot. 3 higher educations.

- Yes, I understand you. You have arranged your days very well. And with what to me then?

- I feel very bad in the evenings. I would like to call her, but I understand that these showdowns will begin again. I'm sorry for my nerves. After all, I work hard. I need to save my strength.

And I felt sorry for my time, despite the hourly pay. I didn't know what to say to this gentleman, who had already replaced four common-law wives. He expected from me now the same as from them. The difference, perhaps, is that he paid me for this attention to his person, who is already turning gray, but is still "on the way." He had enough money. Now I fidgeted in my chair. Already sensing that I would be enough, perhaps, for a couple of such sessions - chatter about myself magnificent. Then it gets boring, and I can't work like that.

But I decided to be patient. I wanted him to leave himself at least once in his life, without waiting to be abandoned. Let him make a choice, make a decision. At the same time, he suddenly realizes that he is reluctant to invest in full, so to speak, to be interested in "who is she"? Let him take responsibility for at least some part in his life play. And she continued to listen to about new cars and cool friends.

Time passed, most often it was ordinary small talk about nothing. But sometimes he suddenly changed in the face of the conversation. From a polished, polite person, he turned at times into an embittered and cynical opponent. There was so much rage in my eyes that I felt uncomfortable. There was really a ton of malice. He did not unload it from himself for almost half a century.

He began to attack me. It was then that I was able to appreciate his erudition and intelligence. He was very sophisticated and attentive, constantly trying to sting me more painfully.

- And what do you actually represent yourself in order to heal others? Did you know the truth? Or maybe they built the perfect relationship?

He almost shouted at me.

- And I, perhaps, have never placed advertisements that I am a superman. Although in advertising there is such an asterisk-footnote "not to be taken seriously and not considered a public offer." Well, it does. In fact, I am an ordinary individual. Maybe even less successful and mentally stable than you. So that's it.

- Then why am I crying to you? Why don't you come to me, but me? Why am I worse?

“I don’t know, really. Maybe you will tell? And why do you assume that you can be worse than someone at all. What parameters are you evaluating?

After some time, he began to demand, accuse and complain. Its outer gloss began to crack. Like a windshield from a small stone. He increasingly blamed his girlfriend for his terrible condition. He spoke very sharply about his ex-girlfriends. They were all a complete mistake. A couple of times he spoke caustically at the expense of female business colleagues, but immediately got scared of his frankness, smiled, said "of course, I presented everything to you in too gloomy tones, in fact, I treat them well."

I realized that he was ready.

- How is your mom doing? Have you seen her for a long time?

His eyes filled with tears, he could not tell me right away. Swallowed saliva for about five minutes. Then he spoke. When he didn’t know how to describe his feelings, because he wasn’t used to talking about them, I offered options, synonyms for adjectives, nouns and verbs. He chose. With this test method, we used an imaginary pencil to draw a diagram of his relationship with his mother. He did not like the drawing very much. He denied everything he said 15 minutes ago.

- Mom is good!

I suggested that he go home with this sketch and, plucking up courage, take another look at him. Relax as much as possible and look at the past for exactly as long as you have enough strength. Make copies of the drawing in case his hands break what his current adult consciousness is not ready to accept. Give yourself a break and allow yourself to feel again. Then, with this baggage of emotions, go to your favorite gym and beat the punching bag properly, imagining the one who inflicted these first and such significant wounds on his man's heart. And then forgive.

- Hit mom? Even virtually, this is complete nonsense. I always suspected that something was wrong with your head. Now I am fully convinced.

He laughed triumphantly and pointed at me with a trembling forefinger.

- How can you be angry with her? To his own mother, who is no longer alive.

- Until it is impossible, the anger will not go anywhere. Forbidding yourself to feel rage does not at all mean eliminating it. You just allow yourself, you may not want to hit the punching bag.

- But you can't. I will feel like a scumbag.

I thought about how he easily throws women in position, while he feels right. Or he is looking for a reason to still allow himself to be a bad guy. Such a difficult maneuver.

- How can you? If you know another method of getting rid of childhood grievances, act as you know best. I am ready to discuss with you every case of childhood experiences.

- And you won't get tired of my nagging? No I do not want. These revelations will knock me out of my usual rut. You do not understand, in order to work, I need self-confidence. Where can I get it for every day if I plunge into the state of a boy standing in a corner for 2 hours?

- You pay me, this is my job. I will stand in the corner with you. And I will help you as long as you need it.

He said that it turns out that he hates women in principle. I shrugged, in fact, I didn't know how he was in the relationship. Only with his words. He did not come to my session with a friend. As far as I know, he had them at all, these 33 women about whom he spoke.

- When your pain acquires the right to exist, you will automatically receive such an invaluable gift as sympathy and attention to your neighbor. A very useful thing for relationships. When you learn to distinguish between your emotions, stop pressing them in yourself, then you will learn to listen to others. Admit others' weaknesses. If you choose to stay right and demanding instead of loving and giving, you will fail. You have come with a request for "who am I". Standing in the corner (and you are still stuck there), you will not be able to find out who you are. A person manifests itself in a relationship.