2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
From time to time I am asked: "What can or cannot and should be done in the course of therapy and between consultations for greater efficiency?"
You can answer briefly: come, speak, feel, understand.
And you can tell in more detail.
Do I need to prepare for a consultation? The first consultation is possible, but not necessary. The best option is to come and say everything in your thoughts and feelings. So we will get more spontaneous material to work with. Internal censorship will not cut or hide it. But dreams can be recorded and brought, it is better to write them down as soon as you wake up.
If we talk about thoughts, then it is worth keeping in mind this feature of therapy: all our relationships with you reflect your inner state and your relationship with the world as a whole (friends, relatives, relatives, family). It is better to voice all your attitude towards me without shame and inner criticism. This will give us invaluable material for your relationships with yourself and other people.
You can also feel free to ask me questions. You can ask me questions. I don't know who came up with the idea that only I can ask questions, and if you ask them, then I have no right to answer. Yes, there is a myth that psychologists, especially psychoanalysts, do not answer questions. If you have a question, it is better to ask it than to keep silent. There are no taboo topics and no taboo questions in psychotherapy.
Once upon a time there was a rule that a person, when in therapy, has no right to change anything in his life. Maybe. A person can change his life for the better in the course of therapy. Yes, all changes must be analyzed and understood why they are, why they have occurred. But not changing your life for the better is sometimes even harmful to your health. It is possible and necessary to learn to do something new, to look for new ways of solving various problems, including psychological ones. Sometimes it is useful to learn to do nothing when you used to run headlong; cry if you have forbidden yourself to do it; express feelings if before they existed only within you; ask for help if you only relied on yourself before, and so on.
Don't be afraid to talk nonsense. Yes, you can discuss the weather, you can discuss how the leaves bloom, what terrible traffic jams. Everything is allowed. It is impossible to move only in depth every second and every consultation. Sometimes it takes time to become familiar with a new psychic reality. And, yes, we can talk about good things. Psychotherapy is not only about suffering and pain, it is also about sharing joy. In therapy, you can enjoy change and self-awareness. Yes, sometimes this new knowledge will be painful. It is sometimes very bitter to remember your old grievances, but it is necessary to get rid of them. If we are trying to forget something does not mean that it will not affect our life in any way. Usually, the deeper we hide something (anger, resentment, pain), the more it has an impact on us.
I strictly adhere to the rules of confidentiality. I don't even ask for the last name, only the phone number. I discuss all issues openly and directly. And I ask you to maintain confidentiality in therapy. This is necessary so that the energy for psychotherapy is spent on therapy. It's better to complain about me than to friends and girlfriends. Emotions and feelings should not be withdrawn from therapy.
It should be understood that psychotherapy is a never-ending process. It has its logical conclusion, and sometimes it is a long process. But when you learn to overcome life's difficulties on your own, when your past will no longer have a strong influence on your present, when your life has qualitatively changed, you should count on the therapy to be completed. But you should not quit psychotherapy at the first positive changes. It is important not only to understand what your problem is, but also to change it, to learn how to do (live) in a new way.
Mikhail Ozhirinsky - psychoanalyst, group analyst
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