2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
As a child, my grandmother used to say: "They carry water on inflated ones, bricks on angry ones." What did she mean !?
But about those who were offended and those who were angry, I will tell you a little:
1. Resentment is suppressed anger. When a person got angry, but could not - he was afraid or did not find how to adequately express - to give his anger to the address, he turns a living, full of energy reaction of anger into a frozen form of resentment.
2. The offense has no statute of limitations. Anger arises exactly at the moment of contact, and if the anger is “given away”, then, paradoxically, the relationship is strengthened, because everyone can express their dissatisfaction with some behavior, clarify their own position, get to know each other better. Anger is a short reaction, a person quickly “cools down”. Resentment can be worn for decades. She turns into a trump ace, which you can always get out of your sleeve and beat all your partner's cards with the phrase: "But you came to the first date without flowers!"
3. Resentment divides people. The offended person, as it were, says to another by his behavior: "I forbid you to love me!" And what should the other do in this case?
4. It is impossible to offend, a person can only choose to be offended. We cannot predict the reaction of another to our words and actions.
5. If a person is offended and cherishes his offense for a long time, it means that he has a hidden benefit in this state. Resentment can be used to manipulate others.
6. The resentment situation is frozen and has not received permission. And how all unresolved situations encourages a person to end, that is, a person again and again arranges for himself situations in which he is "offended". Until he finally allows himself to express anger.
A little exercise in the end
- Remember the person you were offended at and the reason for the offense that this person said, did not say, did, did not do what you wanted and expected from him.
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Imagine this person in front of you and imagine that you are holding your grudge against him in your hands. What is this subject? How big is it? What do you want to do with it?
- Now imagine that you put your resentment aside. How do you look at this person now? What feelings?
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