You Will Accustom Yourself To Hands

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“Do not take the child so often, you will teach him to hand, then you will not wean him at all …” - this is often heard from “caring” grandmothers, all kinds of advisers. But it is precisely carrying a child in his arms during infancy that gives him many advantages and is one of the essential components of his physical and mental well-being and development.

A mother says to her daughter: “I’ve fed the child, put him to bed, and do something herself. Let it lie there, maybe fall asleep. I brought you up like that, and nothing, you grew up. And the mother puts her baby in the crib. She looks around the room: everything is carefully selected by color, the bed is beautiful, the blanket is embroidered, the best clothes are worn on her child … The baby begins to cry pitifully, then cry demandingly, then his tears turn into a cry, then from hopelessness he begins to moan … But mother, quietly closing the door, sighing, he goes to do his business. The child, having cried for several minutes, calms down, is forgotten by sleep … Maybe he will not remember that he cried, called his mother, and that she did not come up to him. But experience has been gained. And far from positive.

Let's go back to the mother. Why is she doing this? I believed my mother that this is how you can teach a child to become independent (already at that age!), So that later you can proudly tell her friends: “You see, mine himself falls asleep, and we have no problems with motion sickness”. After reading "useful" literature, listening to the advice of friends, mothers, grandmothers, other mothers on the playgrounds, she wants the best for her child. To grow up independent, patient. She wants it. But the needs of a child in infancy are completely different. It has long been proven that it is vitally important for babies to hear the beating of the mother's heart when she takes it in her arms and presses it to her, to feel the caress, tenderness, warmth of mother's hands, touch, the smell of mother … this is also good), and when the child needs it. Babies, deprived of all this, seriously lag behind their peers in their development, whose parents fully satisfy the need "I want to get on the hands."

I will describe this process from a different perspective. Imagine that the child has energy that builds up and creates tension. It can even be visually noticed: the baby's body is compressed, tense, he bends his legs, presses his hands to the body or sharply twists his legs. The energy of tension will go away from him only if the mother, taking the child in her arms, “absorbs” it with her affection and tenderness. Then the child's body becomes more relaxed and the child calmer. Mothers themselves, from carrying a baby in their arms, support lactation better and there are practically no postpartum depression.

The so-called "manual period", which lasts from birth to about eight months (until the moment when the baby begins to crawl, walk) is not only a period of learning about the world and the most important need for a baby for harmonious development. And those parents who think that carrying in their arms is a burden, and that the child will get used to it, are mistaken. because

A child in his mother's arms receives experience that prepares him for further development, allows him to rely on his own strength.

Those events that the child observes from his mother's hands, whether they are frightening, intense, or arousing interest, are the foundation of future self-confidence. Carrying a baby in your arms is an essential condition for developing a sense of self. It is not carrying in your arms that makes the child addicted, but when the child's desire to do something is intercepted by the parents all the time. It seems to them that they are caring for the child, in fact, they interfere with his natural interest in the world and development.

A child can become independent of the mother only after going through the stage of absolute dependence on her.

And if the mother gives him such an opportunity, this ensures the transition to other stages of development. The child grows up contented, harmonious, joyful. He does not strive by his behavior (far from ideal) in the future to get this warmth, care, love. He does not become addicted when in a relationship or when trying to start a family. He does not need to prove his correctness, win love, prove with his successes and achievements that he is worth something in life and in general is worthy of something. That motherly love that he received not only with her milk, but also in her arms, it will pass through his whole life, and he will grow up to be a happy person who will also be able to love.