Family Secrets: About Sasha And Her Grandmother

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I met Sasha during her admission to school, where I then had a clinical base. I gave students a master class on children's readiness for school and interviewed this child. The girl seemed very anxious, looked insecure and tired. Her entire body was covered with an allergic rash.

Since Sasha claimed a place in the class of a famous, honored teacher, she had to go through another interview - directly with Natalya Ivanovna, this teacher. The child was embarrassed, answered hesitantly, especially when the teacher began to "pour" questions in a clear, stern voice. Confused, Sasha could not even read an excerpt from the text (Natalya Ivanovna took into her class only children who read fluently) and solve the problem. In the end, she burst into tears and ran out of the office without waiting for the end of the test.

You know, sometimes it happens that we feel the other person very strongly. I felt this child piercingly. Sasha was accompanied by a very intelligent mother (as it turned out, a cardiologist), who behaved with dignity, did not scold her daughter and gently offered to take her home. Deeply imbued with the state of the girl, I spontaneously made a decision: I will do everything for her to study at this school, in the class of Natalya Ivanovna.

Taking her by both hands, I said:

- Sasha, look into my eyes. I promise you that you will study at this school. I will do everything for this.

- No need … And nothing at all. Don't feel sorry for me!

“I don’t feel sorry for you, but I remember myself. When I entered school, I could neither read nor write. The first two months was the most lagging student in the class. But I can see from your eyes that you are smart. And if I help, then not you, but myself. Do you understand me?

Sasha's mother thanked me politely, thinking that I was just comforting her child.

For several years of work, Natalya Ivanovna and I have developed a very respectful relationship. She often resorted to my help. My students did a lot of interesting research with her students. And therefore, at my request to take Sasha to class, she only casually asked:

- Your girl? Why were you silent?

- No. This is the first time I see the girl. I don’t know who she is. But I really like her. Please, Natalya Ivanovna, I have never asked for anyone. Take it!

- No problem. Talk to the director. I have already hacked the child, she is not on the lists.

The director didn't even listen to me to the end:

- Well, if you think so necessary and you need it … But you say that the child has a severe allergy. Of course, we will take her to school, even if she is not from our area. Let's just put it in a parallel class, there are fewer requirements.

- Let's do it, but only if she can't do it!

Sasha was admitted to Natalia Ivanovna's class. And she tried very hard.

End of September, first parents' meeting. I again give a master class, only now to trainee psychologists, telling the parents of first-graders about adaptation mechanisms. Every time I conduct a group consultation, I attach particular importance to grandmothers and dads. Grandmothers are very serious, and in order to convey everything correctly to their parents, they try to write down a lot. Therefore, I often interrupt my performance, specifically addressing them: “Am I speaking clearly enough? Do you have time to record? Please ask any questions. I will explain as many times as necessary. Dads sit with a skeptical look and look anywhere but in my direction. I know that they are embarrassed, they are embarrassed. Therefore, I catch their eyes, and I bring some things to them, looking into their eyes. As a rule, a little time passes - and they are mine too.

At a meeting in Natalya Ivanovna's class, I noticed my grandmother sitting on the first desk. In the course of her speech, of course, she addressed her several times with a standard set of questions. Each time she nodded in the affirmative: they say, everything is clear, there is no need to speak more slowly, there are no questions. At the end of the meeting, this grandmother turned to me:

- Nana Romanovna, I heard that you have an experimental course for the correction of children with various disabilities. In an interactive form. I've heard and read about it. Can we ask you to organize such a group in our class?

“That's not why I came here. And I already have such a group …

- And if we ask very much? Would you agree to work with us too?

She turns to the rest of the audience and adds in a well-delivered voice:

- Sorry that I did not ask your opinion.

The audience reacted very violently. Many parents expressed their desire to get into the planned group on the fly. I had to immediately explain:

- I can't take more than eight, maximum ten children! I'll think about it and let you know.

Grandma was very persistent:

- Please, don't forget about my Sasha! Sorry, I'm in a hurry, here are my contacts, - she handed me her business card.

Oh my God! It turns out that in front of me is a famous pediatric neuropathologist, doctor of medical sciences. The name is so famous that it took my breath away. Looking at her with round eyes, I ask:

- Why were you silent, Irina Ivanovna? For God's sake, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you! I am not very offended … asked questions during the meeting?

- What are you, my dear! In meetings, I usually sleep. And here I was not even drawn to sleep. And most importantly - everything is so clear!

- You're kidding! And who told you about these courses?

- Bogoyavlenskaya Diana Borisovna, my good friend. Diana highly recommended you to me. And her daughter Masha - too, you are friends with her, I know.

(Diana Bogoyavlenskaya is one of the leading specialists in working with gifted children in Russia).

- Thank you, I'm touched! Is Sasha your granddaughter? Great! Such a nice child! Of course, we will have a group - and I will call it "Sasha".

So, the group gathered and we started to work.

Do you know what surprised me? Sasha felt rejected. Everything seems to be in place: a good family, parents-doctors, a younger brother is growing up, wealth in the house, regular trips, toys … Why is that?

Classmates communicated with her rather rudely, unceremoniously. They often did not take into their games. When we divided the group into teams, a particularly difficult moment came for the girl. It was often heard: "Not with Sasha!" She behaved very dignified, swallowed tears, but never complained.

At the same time, Sasha became very affectionately attached to me. Despite the allergies (children with allergies often do not like other people's touch), it was important for her to touch me: she herself made contact, hugged me. Sasha and I have already developed certain characteristic gestures, words, "talking with the eyes." I understood that my presence in the classroom is much more important for her than her relationship in the group. This worried me a little, and I wanted to shift the emphasis from me to my classmates.

I decided to talk to Sasha. She said that she was wasting all her energy on me, instead of connecting with the guys from the group and building relationships with them.

To this the girl replied:

- You know, very few people love me. But on the other hand, I am very confident in these people. This is my grandmother, this is you,…. - and Sasha began to cry.

I didn't bother the child any further, deciding to talk to her grandmother. I made an appointment for a consultation, and, literally on the second day, despite all her busyness, Irina Ivanovna was in my office. I shared with her the results of my observations, introduced her to the dynamics of Sasha's development and told her about my concerns. Irina Ivanovna was sitting with a stony expression on her face.

- Irina Ivanovna, I know that Sasha has organic matter. It is of a compensatory order. You, as a specialist, can see this much better than me. You understand that this is not what confuses me at all …

Irina Ivanovna sighed:

- No, not that … Get ready, Nana. Now I will tell you a story that is not worthy of respect. Only all sorts of censure.

I'll start with the family: I, my husband, are both doctors, both successful. We have two sons. The eldest (Sasha's dad) is a favorite, handsome man, easily entered the medical school, chose the specialization of a surgeon. It seemed to us that everything was fine, everything was going as it should, and soon he would choose a wife for himself. He graduated from high school, distributed, not without our help got a job in a good clinic, worked under the guidance of a famous professor. Everything was fine, there was no question of getting married …

Until one day his former classmate, Svetlana, appeared on my doorstep. And she did not say that she was pregnant with her second child. I ask: “But what about the first one ?! Did you get rid of him? " She answers: “No, I didn’t get rid of it. Lives with my mother."

It turned out that they have been together since the third year. They meet, periodically separate, and meet again. Svetlana became pregnant immediately after graduation. My son refused to marry her. She gave birth and left the child to her parents. The fact is that Svetlana is a smart and successful girl. But originally from a remote provincial town. Moscow has changed her a lot. Looking at her current one and remembering what Sveta was in her first year, just having entered the university, it was hard to believe that these were not two different people.

“He offers me now to have an abortion,” Svetlana continued. - I do not want. This is a boy. I want to leave him."

I asked her: "And the first child?"

Answers: “Girl. She is four years old. They called them Alexandra."

I took her parents' address. I will not tell you how I got there and what I saw there. Sveta's unfading father, a working mother for days, a terrible house. But the worst thing: a girl. All covered with a crust, tied by the leg to the bed with some awful rope. And the haunted gaze … Helpless, full of despair, already inhuman gaze … At four years old, the child practically did not speak, was poorly developed, was afraid of everything, refused food, which, without taking into account allergies, was rudely shoved into her mouth.

I grabbed Sasha in my arms (she was so weak that she did not even resist) and brought her to Moscow. I put it in a clinic, in one of my friends.

I called my son to the ward where his child was lying, and told him to just look into her eyes. And he made a decision: "If you refuse the second child, I will not let him be tied to the bed by the leg like a dog."

Do you know what I thought about at night, sitting in the ward with Sasha? When you couldn't sleep? I counted - counted the children I had cured. Tens, hundreds, thousands … And, kneeling in front of my granddaughter, I could not find words to ask her forgiveness.

The girl went out. I hired a bunch of specialists. But some functions were unrecoverable. I understand that you are taking care of me without uttering this terrible word “bullying”. I know how cruel children can be, especially overly well-fed and well-fed children. Such as my son … You speak delicately about her rejection. About the fact that this rejection is "sewn into the subcortex" of Sasha. I sewed it in. By the fact that she missed her son …

He married Svetlana, they gave birth to a boy. At the sight of Sasha, both averted their eyes for a long time. Now they have stopped. I put everyone on their ears so that she entered this gymnasium. Do you know why she cried during the interview? Before that, we studied with Natalya Ivanovna in private for half a year! And she also rejected Sasha. Pretending that he does not know us, and that since the child has not passed the "test", he cannot take him to his class. Sasha was offended. And she only told me what was the matter, why she left the interview. And more - about you. Thank you for coming up with this story about your school failure - Sasha has been telling it to me all summer.

- I didn't invent it! Can you lie to Sasha, she feels everything! Irina Ivanovna, thank you for telling us about everything. Now I know what to do.

Since the group was really "Sasha", the next few months I came up with games taking into account the specifics of the girl. They were about acceptance, confidence, self-worth, and most importantly, overcoming. Once, when we were talking about fears, Sasha said an amazing thing:

- Fear is an obstacle on the way to the goal! That's what my grandmother says to me!

Sasha also had his own ritual. She pressed against my right hand, rubbed the ring on her finger, and said: "Now I can do everything!"

Time passed, and gradually Sasha's hands and face acquired a more lively and natural look - the redness disappeared. Sasha began to feel confident. For us, a real triumph was Artyom's declaration of love to her. Touchingly, in front of the whole group!

Sasha studied with me for three years. Mom slowly joined the process. Sometimes I saw Sasha's little brother, whom she looked after very carefully and, by the way, very confidently. But her dad avoided me.

No matter. But he began to pick up Sasha himself from school. She then recounted how they talked in the car about "different differences." Dad began to take her with him on a fishing trip. He told Sasha that "the fish obey her" and he was very pleased with her. Sasha told the group about this, we called her ability "fish luck", loudly applauded her and signed up for her in line for fishing.

Sasha's marks were average. But we must take into account that the level of requirements was very high. At the same time, she maintained a high rate of training, without getting tired, without getting sick and without allergic reactions accompanying her anxiety. In the fourth grade, Sasha's mother picked up another school for Sasha: closer to home, where Sasha made many friends, and the class is quieter …

I think she left school because of Natalya Ivanovna: for the first time, having independently made the decision not to put up with the betrayed trust and cowardice of her first teacher.

Sasha taught me a lot: overcoming, humility, fearlessness. And most importantly, in this child there was a sea of love, into which she dipped me headlong.

This was the end of our conversation with Sasha. Professional. By the time she moved to another school, the girl's allergic reactions had practically disappeared. Sasha was calm, confident, could stand up for herself, skillfully built communication …

We are still friends with Irina Ivanovna. She opened her own medical center, where she treats the most needy patients for free, we sometimes have "common" children. Svetlana came to work with her from a clinic with a loud name, writes her doctoral dissertation and says that she will “defend it in the next century”.

Sashka sometimes runs over to me to “rub the ring”. She lives with her grandmother and is preparing to become a doctor: "How is my Ira …"