2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In the Gestalt approach, this feeling is divided into two components: anger and desire. I want something that you have, and I'm angry because I don't have it
It should be noted right away: everyone is jealous, not everyone admits it even to themselves. And, as you know, the less we appropriate our feelings, the more they control us.
Envy can either be dealt with constructively or suffered from it.
In the first case: to begin with, I notice that I envy, I understand what exactly and I am aware of my desire
It is important not to be confused here. An acquaintance, a rich husband, gave me a car for his birthday. The rising searing wave of envy may not refer to a neat yellow hatch-beck at all: you have never had a right. And you have a husband - though not so rich, but a beloved one, and gives gifts from time to time. But! He never shows in public how dear you are to him. And this one is beautiful, at a party he drove to the restaurant. This means that you want not a car, but recognition.
Any desire, depending on its importance, carries a certain energy charge. If it is not satisfied for a long time, the energy of anger is added to it. How to dispose of this good for peaceful purposes?
When I have the skill of dealing constructively with envy, I can notice my desire and estimate: how much energy needs to be spent on its implementation, can I afford it? Already at this stage, some desires fall off by themselves. Because I envy the beauty and grace of a ballerina, but I don’t want to kill my legs in meat and blood for 14 hours a day, I won’t, and it’s too late. And it immediately lightens.
If I envy slender fit women, I figure out how much time, money and effort will have to be dumped for a good figure, I go to the gym and, attention! r-a-b-o-t-a-y on your result. Because for lucky ones, genetics up to 30 still keeps the body in good shape, and if she is 40 and she is candy, then she also works.
The main the idea is that the realization of any desire requires your investment. And do not believe those who say that they get everything for free: everyone has their own pay. One pays for power with loneliness, for a beautiful life - with freedom. Sometimes it comes out cheaper with money and your own labor, but not so quickly.
If I'm jealous, but the circumstances are irresistible.
For example: a guy chose not to take you as a wife, but a girlfriend. Here you also have a choice: you can honestly grieve and let go of this situation - after all, not everything in life happens the way we want it. Or you can start to actively suffer from envy.
Make friends with her not for life, but to death. Trying to subtly spoil their relationship and revel in malevolence. Or pretend that you weren't hurt, but spend 10 years surpassing her in all spheres of life. "So you don't get to anyone!" - generally a classic of destructive treatment of envy. To spoil, take away, destroy, slander, steal - harm and injure. It is not for nothing that many are afraid of someone else's envy. Anger can push an envious person to all kinds of meanness. Because anger really becomes less when you see how this bastard suffers, who has what you need so much. But the energy of desire remains. And while you do nothing with him - anger will accumulate over and over again.
In order not to face our powerlessness and pain from the fact that some of our desires will never come true, we spend a lot of strength and energy on a stupid struggle. Or each time we shrink and burn inside with envy when we meet a desired but unattainable object. You need to be able to distinguish: what is my real desire, and where I can and it makes sense to fight for it, and where it is necessary - to surrender internally.
When we give up, we seem to be faced with reality: yes, I can not do everything in this life, here I have lost. Paradoxically, at this point, its own worth and dignity usually appears. On the one hand, a person loses part of his illusions, and this is always painful, and on the other, he can finally notice his real and weaknesses and strengths. And lean on them. Get to know, so to speak, with yourself in the present.
The more illusions we have about ourselves, both insufficient and grandiose, the further our desires are from reality, the stronger and more irresistible envy. The more difficult our relationship with others and with ourselves.
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