2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What do we want from Men?
Try to imagine a certain example of an Ideal man … Regardless of age, material and social status, education level, the requirements of lovely ladies / princesses / queens will be close to the same standard (I am solely based on the practice of client requests), namely:
To be:
1. Strong
2. Smart
3. Volvostvo
4. Purposeful
5. Interesting
6 caring
7 attentive
8 compassionate (empathic)
9 gentle
10. Understood without words.
Let's talk together about the needs that this list will satisfy in couples / family relationships. First, a little about what Needs are - if completely simplified, then a need is almost the same as a desire, but without which it is physically impossible to live (we cannot live without food, water, a roof over our heads, and without a car and a telephone - we can, etc.).
The needs are divided into two large groups:
1.physiological 2.and psychological.
The first group includes Basic needs (food, water, sex, by the way, we noticed - it is not on our list, but this is a separate topic).
The second - safety (sleep), the need for belonging (love), the need for communication, the need for recognition and development, self-realization.
A person differs from an animal in the presence of psychological needs. Those. we must not forget that an important part of our level of satisfaction with our own criteria for life and relationships (each one is individual and unique) also depends on our biological component (instincts).
So, back to our list. What needs are associated with a man?
Points 1, 2, 3, 4, 8 are the need for security. No. 5, 6, 7, 9, 10 is the need for accessories.
Who provides us with the level of satisfaction in our life before entering into a relationship with a man? The answer is extremely simple - the parental family. From the moment the child is born, they provide everything necessary for his development, namely, food, care, the organization of sleep and rest, their own space (stroller, crib, children's room, entertainment). After all, parents anticipate the child's wishes / needs long before he learns to voice them. And the main role in the formation of our requirements for a man is played by relationships with dad (yes, that's right, and for many it's no longer a secret).
It is daddy who is strong (1) - of course, for a girl, daddy is a giant and a hero (2); literally wears on his hands, smart (2), purposeful - a synonym for an adult (4) gives gifts, arranges surprises and entertainment (5), understands without words (10) - but what about; cares (6) sympathizes with (8) her experiences, is extremely attentive (7).
If you know most of the requirements from this list, know - this is the level of parent-child relationships. For the most part, we are waiting for a man to come and make me happy (!) Minus of such a relationship is excessive demands on a partner that He cannot satisfy (because He is not a Dad). And one more important detail - over time in In such relationships of the child-parental type, attraction to each other disappears, and the partner (in our case, a man) is always (!) looking for the “adult” relationship. The only question is whether they will be temporary or permanent …
What to do? Consider another level.
We create a pair. A pair is both / two partners. A partner is an equal and equal member of the couple (the same as I), in contrast to the "dad", who is initially "bigger, older, stronger, etc." Comparisons with the figure of the father, no man can withstand (!), Because the parent is always one generation higher. Let's take a closer look at what it means to be a couple, and what kind of equality we are talking about. Partner level - an equal level in which equality is determined by the equivalent of equal movements / intentions, namely: "You are for Me, I am for You."
The equivalent of such an exchange is determined by the pair independently. But these are always mutual movements to each other, mind you not: “He should protect me, protect, understand, accept, feed, cherish and cherish, entertain and pamper). This is not an unconditional acceptance as in parent-child relationships, it is not:“I love you only because you are / are near or I can’t live without you”. This is a level of relationship that is not described in romance novels, this plot is not filmed in films! This is not the level of two halves (divide the man and the woman in half and connect them later, you get 0, 5 + 0, 5 = 1, and this is the formula of DEPENDENCE, not LOVE). This parent-child level of relationship is codependent (a child cannot survive on their own without adults and needs full support, safety and guidance).
A love relationship of a partner level is a voluntary union of two equal and equal people who know how to satisfy their individual needs, the main motivation of the relationship for which is Love, when in the presence of a partner the world becomes richer and more beautiful by several orders of magnitude, the soul sings, and you want to live and enjoy each minute, every second
This is about the fact that I know how to make Myself happy, I am realized and loved by Myself (!), And this only means that I can fully give feelings to my partner (and not wait until they are given to me or provided upon request). If I am filled, I can share it with my partner. In the case when there is emptiness inside, there is nothing to share … and in response we hear and feel the same emptiness … And until we fill it inside ourselves, not a single even the most ideal Man will help us with this. That is, the path to the Man lies … through the path to Himself, to one's own I.
As practice shows about ourselves, we think least of all, in society we are taught from the earliest to think and care about others, about what others will say or think about us. It's never too late to take care of yourself and get to know yourself and your own capabilities! Love to you, Joy and Prosperity!
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