2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Yuri Entin wrote the words of a famous Soviet song:
“Mom gave life, The world gave me and you."
Relationship with mom
The foundation of most of a person's problems and mental suffering is his relationship with his mother. It is to her most of all claims and grievances, a lump of pain and innuendo is associated with her. The image of a mother in a person's mind is formed on the basis of various personal experiences, expectations, imposed stereotypes and delusions. I decided to talk about one of the misconceptions today.
Who gave you life?
Sometimes I ask people: “Who gave you life? To whom do you owe your life? " And almost everyone answers: "mother."
Is this so? Answer yourself to the question, does the life and birth of a child really depend on the will of a woman? Why are there women who cannot conceive, cannot bear. Why are dead children born? Was the woman who carried her baby for nine months expecting exactly this? If a child's life depends on a woman's decision, why have an abortion or abandon the child, leaving him in the maternity hospital?
We live in a world built on the GIVE - TAKE balance. And when we receive something, there is an unconscious need to give something back. And if you received your life as a gift from your mother, what can you give to her in return, in payment of the debt? Is it possible to ever return such a generous gift? You can only give your life, because there is nothing in the world more than life itself. And the mother who gave life turns into a goddess, into the Great Mother. If she "gave", then she can take back. If my mother "gave it", then this is her life, and I don't have mine!
Following this opinion, a person finds himself in an unpaid debt to his mother, depriving him of the right to his life. And how can a person live if his mother is the Creator and Creator of his life, and he does not correspond to her plan?
This is how the real dramas of human destinies play out:
1. A person deliberately drags out his childhood, not wanting to grow up, because when you grow up, you have to repay the debt! All methods are good for this: eternal student life and alcoholism and drug addiction, illness and endless problems. Anything to avoid paying the bills.
2. Totalitarian control and guardianship by the mother. Life is not mine, my mother's, so she disposes of it at her own discretion.
3. Low self-esteem, constant feelings of guilt and depression due to not meeting the expectations of the mother. “After all, I am her creativity, her creation, and I just can't fully meet her requirements. What should I do if I have not lived up to her hopes? Who am I after that - a loser!"
4. Tendency to suicide, feeling lost and unwilling to live. There is no life of yours, no right to your life. At the same time, the awareness of the irrevocability of debt leads to the conclusion: "everything that I can give my mother is my life."
Having children is a way to satisfy your needs
After talking with young women, you will hear: "I want a child so much," "I want to get married in order to have children." Many women really want and expect their children. Having a child allows a woman to satisfy a lot of her needs, such as:
• Possession and Power. The mother almost completely owns the baby while he is in infancy.
• Love and care. Here comes a child who can always be loved and who can be taken care of for a long time.
• Education and control. Transfer experience, knowledge, share what you have with your own children. Until the baby is independent, it is important to control many processes in his life.
• Feeling of value and importance. For a person, a mother at any age is the most significant person in life. To be significant, the best, the most beloved, regardless of age, education and success in life, is possible only for your own child.
Answer yourself a series of questions:
- Didn't your life itself begin, perhaps completely unexpectedly for your parents?
- Didn't you grow and develop yourself?
- Maybe your parents just agreed to take yours into their lives?
- Gave you love and care, some of your time and attention?
- Did you share your experience and knowledge?
- Have you invested money in your development and education?
- Were you proud of your success?
The debt can be returned
From this point of view, such a debt can be repaid. After all, we love our parents until our death. And when, over time, mom becomes not just older, but old, you can take care of her with business and money. And pass on the gained experience and knowledge further, to the new generation - to your children. And to them, to their children, to give love, attention, care and time, without demanding anything or expecting anything in return. After all, through raising children, we already satisfy our needs.
And looking at the relationship with mom from this position, you can live your life as you want yourself, allow yourself not to meet anyone's expectations and not justify anyone's hopes, get rid of feelings of guilt and inferiority.
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