2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It is easy to understand with which partner you can’t build a happy life. It is much more difficult - with whom happiness is possible.
By creating a list of requirements, a woman is trying to realize the myth of unconditional love. In fact, she expects a man to adopt her. He will become a loving parent, provide a roof over his head, feed, protect, and devote his whole life to her.
An example from group work using the mini - constellation method
The client's permission to publish has been received, the name has been changed.
Natasha is divorced, she has two children. This is an intelligent, beautiful, cheerful woman who has taken place in the profession.
- I approach men with a certain list of requirements. I think this list is very reasonable, nothing superfluous. I even meet men who fit this list, but the relationship doesn't work out. I want to figure out why. - I suggest choosing yourself and each requirement from the list from the members of the group of substitutes.
The requirements for a man were as follows:
- To be purposeful - ambitious.
- Financially secured.
- He wanted to travel with Natasha.
- He treated her children well.
To be purposeful - ambitious. Financially secured. He wanted to travel with Natasha. He treated her children well.
The deputies of "material security" and "desire to travel" sat down next to him on the sofa. "Good attitude towards children" is located a little to the side. Next to Natasha was only the "determination" of the man.
"Good attitude towards children":
- It is natural for me to treat Natasha's children well, because I treat her well. At the same time, it is very important for me how Natasha will relate to my children. I also have children, I have a past.
To check this, the substitutes for the children of the man approached Natasha, her body involuntarily recoiled from them. Then the children moved away from Natasha. As if making excuses, the woman said:
- I belong to my man's children calmly.
- We hear indifference in these words and even neglect … Physically Natasha pulled away from us. We don't want to be around this woman.
"Desire to travel":
- I am worried that Natasha has a list of requirements for a man, but I do not see a list of what she can give me. As if there are expectations only in one direction, in mine.
Natasha was confused:
- What, should I give something? I never really thought about it.
"Material security":
- I do not understand what Natasha expects from me. So that I provide her or is it just important for me that I have money? Maybe money is an element of a man's image? Or, she had a sad experience, and she is afraid that she will have to support a man?
Natasha:
- I want a man to take care of me like a father. Including spending money on me.
After these words, "the man's purposefulness," which stood silently next to Natasha, walked away from her with the words:
“I don’t want to deal with a“little girl”who has not yet figured out her relationship with her father.
It turns out that Natasha's father did not want a child, he insisted on an abortion. His wife deceived him, saying that she went to the doctor. When the belly became noticeable, it was too late to get rid of the baby.
Natasha has many unmanifest feelings for her father. This is fear, and anger, despair, disappointment, sadness. Feelings addressed to her father, she transfers to men. Natasha fears relationships with men. List of requirements for men helps her to be alone.
- It is important for me what I saw and heard today. I realized that I was following a model of avoidance in relationships with men. And the root of the problem is the relationship with the father. Thanks everyone!
If a woman gives up her dream of an ideal parent and sees a real person, the relationship will have a chance. When choosing a partner, it is important to understand yourself, your own characteristics, to have an idea of what you are ready to give and receive in a relationship. Without presenting requirements, it becomes possible to choose the best partner option from the maximum possible.
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