Do Children Owe Something To Their Parents?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This is relevant for many, I am constantly asked about it. But what is there - I myself have been looking inside myself for an answer to this question for a long time. Or even questions:

• Why do parents often expect their children to return some debt?
• Do children owe their parents something?
• And if so, what? How much and how should you give?
• And if not, then what to do? Ignore these requests?

First of all, I would like to say about how we ourselves can not become such (after all, parents and their position cannot be changed, and there is no need). Let's try to figure it out.

Why does this happen, why do parents expect their children to return some debt? On what basis? Why are there so many worries about this in parents and feelings of guilt in children? Where did the mistake and injustice slip in? Who owes whom? Should I?

When someone owes something to someone, it means that the balance is out of balance. That is, only one of them gave something, and only one took something

Over time, debt accumulated, and the first person inside has a feeling that he was deceived and used - everything was taken away and nothing was given. I will not consider the situation when the first gave the second many years unselfishly. In this world, there is practically no selflessness. Even in the relationship between parents and children.

Parents in their care of children keep in mind at least a glass of water, which the child must still bring. They are waiting for cares in weakness, and financial assistance, and that they will continue to be obeyed, and that children will live the way their parents want, and reasons for pride and bragging, and attention. And a lot of things are waiting. Even if they don't talk about it explicitly. But on what basis?

Parents really invest a lot in their children - time, nerves, money, health, strength. Over the years. They often have to push their desires into the background - for the sake of the child. Doing what you don’t want to do is again for his sake. Give up something, sacrifice something - at least your own sleep for several years. Who said parenting is easy and simple?

Years pass, and suddenly - or not all of a sudden - the child hears transparent hints or direct indications of what exactly and how he owes his parents. But how legitimate and reasonable is this? Does he really owe something? And where does this sense of injustice come from?

Parents are worried because their parenting seemed to them themselves a huge unrequited sacrifice. A one-way process that does not give any bonuses and joys. For twenty years they have been tormented and now they expect that this whole mess should be rewarded somehow. They gave a lot and received nothing. Nothing at all. There must be justice! But is it?

No. This world is always fair in everything. Children actually give a lot to their parents. More precisely, even God gives us so much through children! Can't even describe in words. Their hugs, declarations of love, funny words, first steps, dances and songs … Even just the sight of a little sleeping angel - the Lord created them so cute! The first five years of life, so much happiness emanates from a child that it attracts adults like a magnet. Further, there are also many different bonuses, albeit in a slightly lower concentration. That is, through children, God gives parents a lot as well, and such that money cannot be bought and cannot be found on the road. And everything is fair, everything is compensated - the parents work, the Lord rewards them. Immediately, at the same point. You haven't slept the night - and in the morning you have a smile, hum and new skills.

But in order to receive all these bonuses, you need to be with your children. And to have the strength and desire to enjoy it - which is also important. See all these gifts, be grateful for them

It is in their childhood, while they are small, and from them all this happiness radiates just like that, every minute. The way they smell, laugh, swear, take offense, love, make friends, learn the world - all this cannot but rejoice the loving heart of the parents. Happiness in our hearts is the reward for our labors.

Then why do parents feel that someone owes them something? Because they were not near the children, and all these bonuses and joys were received by someone else - a grandmother, a nanny or a kindergarten teacher (although the latter probably did not use it either). Parents had no time to breathe children's tops and hug them in the middle of the night. You need to work, be realized. You need to run somewhere, the children will not run away, you think, baby! You can't talk to him, you can't discuss the day, he doesn't seem to understand anything, he doesn't care who pumps and feeds him. Relationships with babies often do not fit into our understanding of relationships - whatever it is, just wash, feed, put. We have no time to admire sleeping children, the fatigue is so strong that you can only fall somewhere in another room. There is no time to study grasshoppers and flowers with him. There is no strength to draw, sculpt, sing together. All forces remain in the office.

But even if mom does not work, most likely, she is also not up to these strange "bonuses" and little things. This is some kind of nonsense, a waste of precious time (as well as on herself), but she needs to clean the house, cook food, take the child to the circle, go to the store. She can't lie next to him and talk in his incomprehensible language, it's stupid. There is no strength and no time at all to just look into his eyes and exhale all the tension. And if we go on business, then we must go quickly, and not stop at every pebble. Although her mother is physically nearby, all these bonuses are rapidly flying past her. And often a non-working mother has even more complaints about her children - she sacrificed even her self-realization for the sake of them, not working, so that the potential score will be even higher.

So sometimes I want to stop some stone-faced mother running somewhere! Stop, mom, the biggest miracle is near! And it cannot wait!

It grows every minute and gives you so many miracles and happiness, and you pass it all by, not paying attention! As if sculpting a very important sand castle, you do not notice grains of gold in the sand

I also often stop myself when I suddenly have more important things to do than read a book, play Lego with them, or just lie down next to a sleeping miracle. Where am I going? And for what? Maybe it's better to let happiness enter my heart right now and melt it?

As a result of all this, we get such a situation that people worked for many years, worked hard enough (how easy it can be?), And their honestly earned salary was given out in another place, to some other people. Because they were exactly where you needed it. For example, while Mom and Dad are working hard to pay off the mortgage on their huge house and pay for the babysitting services, this nanny is happy, she is enjoying life in this house with these children (I communication with them, I saw a lot when we lived in a village near St. Petersburg). Or maybe such that no one received all these joys - no one needed them, and after many years the child himself already believed that there was nothing interesting and good in him.

At the same time, a person who worked hard and for a long time still wants a salary in twenty years - just for all these years! And he demands - from those for whom he suffered. And who else? But they don't. So dissatisfaction remains, a feeling of deception and betrayal …

But whose problem if we ourselves do not come for our parents' "salary" every single day? Who is to blame that we forget that everything in the world will pass, and the children will be small only one day? Who is responsible for making our careers and accomplishments more important to us than baby heads and talking to them? Who pays for our decision when we are ready to send our children to kindergartens, nurseries, nannies, grandmothers for the sake of some achievements, losing touch with them and losing everything that the Lord so generously gives us through the kids?

It is useless to wait for the debt to be repaid from adult children. They will not be able to give what you want, because they have already given you a lot, even though you did not take it all.

Children do not return debt to their parents, they give the same to their children, and this is the wisdom of life. And drinking juices from adult children means thereby depriving your own grandchildren, no matter how sad it is

“Sorry, mom, I can’t help you now. What I owe you, I will give to my children. I am ready to give you gratitude, respect, necessary care in case it is required. And that's all. Can't help you anymore. Even if I really want to."

This is the only thing that an adult child can answer to his parents demanding repayment of the debt. Of course, he can try, throw all his strength into it, all his life, giving up his future, investing not in his children, but in his parents. Only, none of the parties will have satisfaction from this.

We don't owe anything to our parents directly. We owe all this to our children. This is our duty. Become parents and pass it all on. Give all the power of the family forward, leaving nothing behind. Likewise, our children do not owe us anything. They don't even have to live the way we want and be happy the way we see it.

Our only payment for everything is respect and gratitude. For everything that was done for us, how it was done, to what extent. Respect, no matter how parents behave, whatever feelings they cause in us. Respect for those through whom our souls came to this world, who took care of us in the days of the greatest helplessness and vulnerability, who loved us as best they could and as best they could - with all their spiritual strength (just not everyone has a lot of strength).

Of course, we are responsible for the last years of our parents' lives, when they can no longer take care of themselves. It's not even a duty, it's just human. Do everything possible to help parents recover, make their life easier and their days of weakness easier. If we cannot sit next to a sick parent, hire him a good nurse, find a good hospital where proper care will be provided, if possible - visit, pay attention. It would also be good to help them "leave this body properly." That is, to help them prepare for this transition by reading books. Communicating about it with spiritual people. But this is not a duty. This goes without saying if we have retained something human in ourselves.

Children don't owe us anything else. And we don't owe our parents. Only respect and gratitude - directly. And the transfer of the most valuable thing further. Give our children no less than we ourselves received. And it is better to give even more, especially love, acceptance and tenderness.

Therefore, in order not to stand with an outstretched hand near their house in old age, demanding payments, learn to enjoy today that which is so generously given to you from above

Hug them, play with them, laugh together, smell their tops, chat about anything, slowly, lie in bed, sing, dance, discover this world together - there are not many different opportunities to experience happiness with your children!

And then the difficulties do not seem so difficult. And mom's job is so ungrateful and burdensome. Just think of a sleepless night, hugging the little sweet-smelling body of an angel to you, he will fold his chubby hand on you - and life is immediately easier. Just a little. Or not even a little.