Affectionate Psychological Killers

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Affectionate killers are phenomena that go unnoticed, but lead to destructive, if not disastrous, consequences. As examples of life, we can cite the passion for sun tanning (with the subsequent development of skin cancer). Or drinking alcohol in cold weather. Alcohol warms over a short distance, but it increases the risk of death in the long term (due to vasodilation of the skin and loss of heat). Well, the classic version is hepatitis C, in which the disease does not manifest itself in the first two stages. But in the future it leads to the death of the liver and the whole organism.

Psychology also has its own affectionate killers. Let's talk about them today.

The urge and habit to react immediately, quickly

5th place in this subjective rating, I would give to reactive behavior. The essence of reactive behavior boils down to the fact that a person consciously values the speed of reaction, and unconsciously strives to always react as quickly as possible. It would seem, well, what could be bad here? Quick response, quick results … On the other hand, this strategy leads to:

- the habit of reacting quickly, without hesitation, often proactively (for example, you start answering before you finish listening to the question);

- the habit of reacting in a stereotypical manner, otherwise it is simply unrealistic to react quickly (words-parasites suggest stereotypes, an excess of generalized value judgments in speech, for example, “terrible”, “I feel bad”, “I can’t anymore,” “it’s very hard for me” etc.);

- the habit of reacting to everything, and, as a result, to hypercontrol;

- the habit of taking everything that happens at your own expense, so as not to leave some important event without your response

Result: stereotypical behavior, hypercontrol, background anxiety, neurotic relationships with taking on all the problems of the partner or others = anxious neurosis, OCD.

Avoidant behavior

4th place I would give to avoidant behavior. Its essence boils down to a simple strategy of avoiding responsibility, risks and emotional difficulties. That is, this strategy invites you not to get involved in any business in which tension, anxiety, risk, difficulty, error, failure, condemnation, competition, harm, or conflict are possible. Symptoms of this behavior are:

- automatic thoughts of disturbing content in the style of “and if”, “what will happen if”, “and if I can't…”, “and if it gets worse in this and that…”;

- negative assessments of any behavior that would be different from the current one (even if the current behavior is reduced to doing nothing);

Result: chronicity of any psychological problems = panic disorder, agoraphobia, pathological doubts, procrastination and neurotic attitudes. Depression is also very likely.

Duties

Obligations are sung by all and sundry. And they can safely be given the 3rd place in the ranking due to their ability to concentrate your will on the field of following social prescriptions. That is, obligations are natural constraints, a framework for you and your desires. Frames that work simply because they have been hammered into your head, not because they are useful to you. For example, "you must control your emotions," "you must be strong," "you must not be wrong," "you must be successful," or "you must be a good person." Behind the external beauty of the syllable, in fact, there are punitive mechanisms that trigger:

- shame, guilt, self-flagellation in violation of social regulations (or even just when considering the possibility of such a violation)

- emotional exhaustion due to the constant need to monitor all possible circumstances in which social prescriptions can be violated;

- reduced motivation to realize their own desires and needs

Result: a sharp limitation of their behavior, guilt, decreased motivation, neurosis and depression.

Association with problems

And this is already a solid 2nd place in the rating. The habit of associating yourself with life events, people and your own emotional problems is the real scourge of an anxious or depressed person. The essence of associated (not to be confused with quite useful associative) thinking boils down to the fact that you seem to dive into the field of sensations, thoughts and emotions without trying to look at what is happening from the outside and / or somehow act in the direction of changing your state. As a result, you ponder, immerse yourself, retell, argue, doubt, fuss. You ask yourself questions like “what's wrong with me”, “why is it with me”, “why is it so bad for me”, “what can all this lead to”, “what will happen if I can't bear it all” … And wind up, wind up, wind yourself up … Associated thinking has exactly 2 consequences:

- peak winding up of their experiences up to the state of passion (this is especially clearly manifested in anxiety, anger and guilt);

- behavioral starvation for the sake of experiences = long-term hanging on their emotional experiences

Result: anxiety neurosis and depression

Criticizing yourself and your behavior

A solid first place in this rating can be given to criticism in assessing yourself and your behavior. The essence of this phenomenon lies in the area of losing the perception of oneself as a kind of integral, self-sufficient person who is able to realize his desires and respect other people at the same time. Self-criticism implies a withdrawal into the world of idealizations and the loss of the ability to motivate oneself for positive changes. The criticism is masked by a "reasonable" and "objective" attitude towards oneself. Criticism "helps" you:

- to notice in all details their "shortcomings", "mistakes", "failures", "difficulties", "shortcomings";

- direct the crystal clear flow of negative energy to yourself

Result: clinical neuroses and clinical depression

WITH vet at the end of the tunnel

Fortunately, each of these affectionate psychological killers has a very specific antidote.

For an immediate reaction, this is a reflection of your needs. For avoidant behavior, it is proactive behavior based on the awareness of what I can at the moment. For obligations - the formation of a pool of their own values. For associated thinking, dissociation. And for negative thinking - the ability to assess yourself positively.

That is, you can get rid of each of the described problems separately and from all at once. The main thing is to start …