2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"But what if? But what if? What if … What if it happens? What if what I'm so afraid of will happen? " These thoughts do not give rest, they feel an alarming chill, sweat appears from them and the heart contracts. Excited consciousness paints more and more terrible pictures of what I do not want to happen.
“Suddenly my husband starts drinking again, they transfer me to another city, suddenly the new boss fires me, and my mother does not survive the operation; suddenly the son will go to the hospital again, suddenly the daughter will go to study, and will stay there … suddenly, suddenly, suddenly … here's an old cat, what if it dies the other day?"
As strange as it sounds, behind every fear there is a desire for it to be so. And the brighter, more “exciting” this fear, the more energy invested in it, the stronger this desire. Only it is not from the category of those in which they admit to themselves.
“Every time the door opens, I wonder if he came back drunk again? I listen to his voice in the corridor, to his steps … No, sober. It's strange … Hasn't been drinking for a long time … Really quit? At all?! - and it is incomprehensible whether it disappoints the woman or makes her happy.
“My mother is preparing for the operation, the whole family is on the ears, heart surgery, and we have only been talking about it for six months now: how difficult it is, how scary that more operations will be needed. I'm afraid … she won't survive the operation. The family is tired of mom, what can you say. How many relatives can be terrorized by talking about your death, and about diseases.
“I don’t want to be transferred to another city. These are constant business trips, strangers, long journeys …"
"I'm afraid of getting cancer.."
"I am afraid that my legs will be taken away, and my husband will carry me in a wheelchair, no, not a wheelchair, of course, but in a wheelchair …"
every terrible and unwanted event has a second side of the coin. these are the bonuses we get if this happens
It is these bonuses that underlie our excitement, beckon and excite us.
Remember the anecdote about the cat: “Yesterday I went to the neighboring yard, the cats were caught and raped. Where the world is heading! God, how terrible it is to live! I’ll go tomorrow.”
no matter how hard the loss is, there is always gain in it
If you find it difficult to see and recognize what you are getting, if all the horrors that your fantasy paints still happen to you, then use the auxiliary exercise. It is known as Cartesian Coordinates and is used to make difficult decisions. helps to see hidden nuances. And that's exactly what we need.
Divide the sheet into four sections. Head each part with one of the questions:
- “What will happen if this happens in my life? Or what will come into my life with this event."
- “What will not happen in my life if this happens? Or what will leave my life with this event."
- “What will happen in my life if this does not happen? Or what will change in my life, come into it or be present in it, if this event does not happen."
- “What will not happen in my life if this event does not happen? What disappears will leave my life if this event does not happen."
As a result, you will have a complete list of losses and gains that so attracts and scares you at the same time.
Fear is not something that is produced from outside, it is our own thoughts and fantasies about what might happen. These are dreams of the bad.
Maybe it's enough to dream?
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