Tame A Psychopath

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

God knows I didn't want to write this text. This topic is painfully close to me. Recently, however, my feed is simply replete with posts that portray psychopaths as some kind of universal evil, endowed with the powers of superheroes. I would like to make some adjustments to this myth.

I was married to a psychopath, I was very close friends with a psychopath, I worked with a person diagnosed with psychopathy for some time. We can say that I saw this state in different guises and from different angles. So, in a way, I was lucky to understand and see what these people allowed me to understand and see. When I hear words like “I have comprehended the inner world of a psychopath” from some gurus, it makes me laugh. To truly "comprehend a psychopath," they have to be.

I will make a reservation right away that this text will focus on primary psychopath - highly functioning psychopaths with a congenital disease - about those who perfectly mimic the environment, who are very difficult to recognize in everyday life and who often occupy leading positions in various fields of science, economics and politics. … Sometimes these highly organized individuals have fun by helping the police to catch and recognize their fellows, whose mechanism is not so complex and perfect. After all, the fisherman sees the fisherman from afar.

And let us leave alone the stylized and replicated Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Lector, as absolutely symbolic highly organized psychopaths with plus and minus signs, respectively.

Psychopaths are feared, extolled, superintelligent, and demonized in every way. The psychopaths themselves are certainly flattered by such a wording, but they, like no one else, understand that such a description is far from reality. In fact, everything is quite simple. And transparent. And everyday.

Psychopaths are not enchanted princes who must be loved to a certain condition so that they finally thaw out and show the world their beautiful face. The official definition of psychopathy according to ICD-10 is "a severe violation of the characterological constitution and behavioral tendencies of an individual, always accompanied by personal and social maladjustment." Some studies define psychopaths as people with a mental disorder caused by a defect in the structure of the brain at the genetic level. That is why psychopathy is incurable and inherited. But nature does not tolerate emptiness - therefore, instead of the ability to experience and recognize emotions, she endowed psychopaths with a more pragmatic mindset, a high ability to survive, adapt and educate. Whether a psychopath grows up - a soulless killer or a sophisticated manipulator - determines his upbringing (family and social environment). These people perfectly manipulate others, thanks to the ability to calculate the reactions of gullible simpletons purely mathematically and the complete absence of brakes in the form of conscience. The highly functioning psychopath has the right mask for every occasion. In fact, these people have no face, no complex inner world, no need or ability to love. These are computers with a black hole inside, sucking the missing resources from the outside world. But at the same time, the psychopath does not feel the need to fill this void. He feels good and comfortable in this state of rest. And if anything annoys him, it is the vivid emotions of those around him, directed at him from outside.

Recently I read another heresy about psychopaths, where the author draws a parallel with vampires suffering from their nature and trying to drown out their inner hunger with the fresh blood of a gullible victim. The psychopath does not suffer from his own nature. And in general, reflection and suffering are not about him. If there is a feeling of discomfort in him, then it is the need for control and irritation, if you cannot break and crush a new toy. So, if he drinks the blood and energy of those around him, it is not because of an irresistible need, but for the sake of a whim - a game that can at least a little entertain the bored, high-functioning brain of a computer. If we compare psychopaths with anyone, it’s with artificial intelligence, capable of self-improvement and adapting to any conditions, without experiencing either love, compassion or pity.

If you are in a relationship with a psychopath, it is very important to understand that neither psychiatry, nor psychology, and even more so your love, can not cure him. Just take it for granted. But that doesn't mean you don't have the right to try the addicting game of tame the psychopath. When a beautiful woman comes out with a tiger on a leash, it's so stylish. Just do not forget that in the end it is not him, but you dangling on the other end of the rope.

People get pythons, pit bulls and tarantulas - they kiss them, let them run around their bodies and put them in bed with them. Just doing this, you need to understand that one day you may wake up bitten, poisoned, strangled, or even not wake up at all. But you are adults - you know what you are getting yourself into. Just before the reality of communication with a psychopath in all its glory falls on you, learn some materiel. You may not stock up on a first-aid kit - most likely you will not have time to use it anyway.

When I hear that psychopaths are "shameless bastards", I am jarred. In general, I am jarred by this division into "us" and "them" as "good and bad." It seems like we are all in a white coat, and they are creatures of evil. In fact, psychopaths are ordinary people - they are simply made differently. There are a lot of people among us without a sign "Beware, psychopath!" Who also lie, manipulate, use and humiliate. Only unlike psychopaths, they have a choice. They understand that they are doing wrong. And you can appeal to their conscience - however, I'm not sure it will help. Psychopaths, on the other hand, have no such choice. They are not shameless - they are really without conscience - without an appropriate mechanism in charge of this complex aspect of the human personality. Just for God's sake, don't think that psychopaths “don't know what they are doing” and that they, poor things, should be pitied. Psychopaths have an excellent connection with reality, they think rationally and are fully aware of both their actions and their consequences. I am only saying that the "demonic" component often attributed to psychopaths has nothing to do with it. These are ordinary people with antisocial personality disorder, unusual in that it does not fall under the traditional definition of a disoriented "mentally ill," suffering from hallucinations.

It never occurs to anyone to define the tonality of autism spectrum disorders in terms of good or bad, or to divide people with Down syndrome or Asperger's into good and bad. They are "different" and that's enough. Highly functional psychopaths, on the other hand, became hostages of their adaptation mechanism. They blend in so well with the crowd and imitate emotions that it is difficult for us to believe that the brain of these people is structured and functions differently. Or, on the contrary, they stand out so strongly from the crowd, thanks to the deliberate promotion of one of their strengths, that people again do not believe that such an excellent specialist, politician, scientist can be mentally ill. Many psychopaths are bright personalities. They may deliberately replicate their diagnosis, relying on candor. "Look what I am!" - they seem to shout from the podium, proclaiming themselves a psychopath, but at the same time demonstrating excellent manners, a sharp mind and impeccable style. Once again, people line up, ignoring not only the obvious signals, but also direct messages, voluntarily blinded by the glare of psychopathic charm.

“Be afraid of your desires” is the first rule of dealing with a psychopath. He sees your weaknesses and actively uses them. And again, I want to emphasize that this is not a manifestation of his "dark" side. Well, it's stupid not to use the device while holding the instruction in your hands. We push buttons on a gadget in an effort to achieve the desired result. The psychopath pushes buttons to get what people want. And he, by nature, does not have those brakes with which healthy people measure and limit their actions and emotions. And he also has no emotions in the usual sense of the word. The psychopath has a "feeling" of possessiveness, a desire to possess, subjugate, and a desire to "disassemble" his living toys. What happens if I do this? What if I click here? Wow, how merrily the mouse jumps if you cut off its tail in parts. And the fact that the "mouse" is painful and scary is a concept inaccessible to a psychopath. He can learn to recognize your signals and conclude that if the mouse jumps in a certain way, then in the mouse world it means “painful” and must stop … or not, depending on the psychopath's mood. He may even learn to shed tears in the right situation, but by definition, a psychopath is unable to UNDERSTAND what the mouse feels or to FEEL its pain the way an empath does. And don't try to get milk from the goat. This is not provided in the terms of reference for this product.

There are different types of psychopathy. And psychopathic disorders have different manifestations: narcissistic, explosive, sadistic and others. Depending on what type you are faced with, in the relationship you will expect surprises of one kind or another: from emotional abuse to physical abuse. Again, this is not because he is "bad." He doesn’t know otherwise. It's like a child pulling a cat by the tail or a rider whipping a horse with the reins to gallop faster. Are they sadists? No, they just want to get what they want by any means they can.

I was very lucky with one of the partners, if the word “lucky” generally applies to a relationship with a psychopath. A highly educated psychopath with a psychological and psychiatric education, an interesting conversationalist, he opened up to me a whole world that is not written about in textbooks. Of course, he only allowed me into the hallway, and even then not for long, but I am infinitely grateful to him for all the lessons I have received. And although in my case, I was initially well educated and ready for a certain algorithm of actions, there was also a gap in my defense. I expected emotional swings, behavioral changes, manipulation and even emotional abuse, and received support, admiration and deliberate frankness. I can't say that I was "led", but I was pretty confused. My natural narcissism was ecstatic. “Be afraid of your desires” is the first rule of dealing with a psychopath. I got everything I wanted, and the psychopath got a reliable leverage. Who said that you can only train with a whip? Psychopaths are great at using gingerbread.

The basic principles of manipulation were voiced by the fox Alice in the cartoon about Pinocchio. A fool really doesn't need a knife. Also, there is a special approach to the greedy, the braggart and other "wormholes", in one way or another, characteristic of each of us. Psychopaths are great at recognizing these traits in others and masterfully using them. Unlike us constantly trying to REDUCE or CURE our partners, psychopaths do not reinvent the wheel. They use what they have, and they always work flawlessly, for they are firmly embedded in our personality.

The most common methods of manipulation used by psychopaths are phrases containing the word "if" and the prefix "you are me." "Tyzhezhenina" - put on a skirt. "Tyzheumnaya" - guess yourself."I love you" - bend under me and do what I ask. You don't have to wring your victim's hands. Unlike psychopaths themselves, we have emotions and concepts of love, pity, and conscience. It is these levers that they use very successfully. A psychopath is incapable of loving - no matter how well he has learned to imitate it. So all his "don't go away - I will disappear without you", "if you do this and that, everything will work out for us," "if you really loved me, you would …" - these are just excellent means to achieve what you want - especially from a partner who refuses to admit the obvious. Namely, that he is dealing with a person with a mental disorder, whose logic and behavior cannot be analyzed or predicted from the perspective of a healthy person.

You can prove your love and devotion to the psychopath as much as you like by all means available to you. You will not prove it. He will come up with new and new conditions and quests, demanding new evidence and constantly changing the rules of the game. He will change and break you, rebuilding your psyche for himself until he gets tired of it. Note - to him, not to you. Getting out of psychological addiction is not easy, and getting into it is as easy as shelling pears. It goes unnoticed. Like a swamp, this relationship drags you in gradually, and when you are confident that you can get out at any time, the bog will swallow you whole.

Don't play games with a psychopath. You cannot win. And the longer you stay in this relationship, the higher the stakes. At some point, your own life and the lives of your loved ones may be at stake.

If you feel like you're in control, you're right. Not under your control. The only person in control of the relationship with the psychopath is the psychopath himself. And there is no demonization in this. It's just that the actions of these people are subject solely to their own logic, and there is no way to foresee or predict at what point the game will become unsafe. Anyone who has seen a fire once will not play with matches. Anyone who has seen a psychopathic rage will never enter into a relationship with a psychopath.

Every second material in women's magazines warns of the deceitfulness of psychopaths, their superficial charm, irascibility, narcissism, promiscuity in sexual relations, cruelty and manipulativeness.

I will deliberately not write tips from the series "10 ways to recognize a psychopath" or "20 signs that your partner is a psychopath." A lot of books and even more articles have been written about this (including mine.

I will tell you only one thing: if the relationship does not bring you joy, does not allow you to develop and does not bring the desired pleasure, such a relationship is not needed. And it doesn't matter whether your partner is a highly functioning psychopath or a simple asshole, you have the right to live your life without proving anything, without bending under anyone or breaking yourself in any way. The happiness gained through suffering is good only in books. Life must be lived in such a way as to have time to enjoy it, without subjecting your personality to vivisection. Relations with a psychopath, no matter how bright they are, alas, do not contribute to this. Therefore, do not go into the jungle and do not try to analyze who, in your opinion, fits the description of a psychopath. Limit your thirst for adventure by watching films about Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Lector. Not all experiments are worth repeating in real life. Take care of yourself and be happy.