2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A girl's relationship with her mother determines her future, as well as the way of building her own family. In addition, problems in interacting with the mother can cause the development of "female" diseases in adulthood, cause problems during pregnancy.
In a "normal" course of events, the relationship between a daughter and a mother goes through 5 stages:
- First stage. Early childhood
The mother and the girl live one life, the child fully reflects the mother: a joyful mother is a joyful child, an anxious mother is an anxious child.
When a child grows up, he begins to realize his individuality, to separate himself from his mother. During this period, the next stage begins.
- Second stage. Riot
The girl begins to resist against the lifestyle imposed on her by her parents. This is very pronounced during adolescence or adolescence. The girl needs to show herself in all possible ways, to "win back" her territory, to make it clear that she herself chooses how to live. The task of the mother is to show the future woman that she has the right to do so.
- Third stage. Separation of the daughter from the mother
During this period, a young girl leaves her parents - she studies, gets married, and travels. If she stays in the "nest", then she begins to actively designate her territory - to rearrange her room, change her daily routine in accordance with her needs, and not the rules of her family, and makes new friends. It is prohibited to violate the boundaries of “her world”.
If the separation was successful, the daughter demonstrates successes, high achievements, thereby saying that everything is fine in her world. When everything is shown and the girl realized herself as she wanted, then gratitude comes to her mother, the woman who brought her into the world and showed love as best she could. Thanks to this, the daughter realizes her role as a mother and her self-worth. The parent begins to be perceived as a separate woman who continues to live her life. This stage can be called the fourth the stage of a wise look at mom.
- Fifth stage. Female-female relations.
The last stage of the development of the relationship between the daughter and the mother is characterized by the presence of deep, wise friendships.
What happens in the opposite case?
When a woman has not gone through one of the above stages of relationship with her mother, she hangs up at one stage or another, which negatively affects her life.
Among the main manifestations of violations of relations with the mother, it is worth noting:
- Problems in family life. The woman begins to act out the stage that has not been passed with her man. So she always rebelles or tries to prove her self-sufficiency to her partner.
- Problems in raising children. A woman who has not gone through all the stages will not allow her children to develop further than she developed herself. Her children can also get fixated, and remain "eternal children" or "rebellious teenagers."
- A woman who herself has not developed to the stage of adulthood will keep a man in the appropriate state, demanding from him adulthood, awareness and "behave like a man."
How do you solve the problem?
To begin with, you need to figure out at what stage the "freeze" occurred, which stages were passed by the woman, and which were not.
Look at your mother, most likely you are her reflection, she is "stuck" in the same place.
Start by analyzing your relationships with men. Is there a child near you or a mature man, or perhaps a teenager? Try to understand how you behave in this relationship.
Further, it is recommended to go through the "skipped" stages, allow yourself to rebel, separate from your mother, create your own world and brag about it, and all in a row, until you come to gratitude. If mom is no longer alive, you can write her a letter, and when it plays its role, dispose of by burning, or just throw it away.
If you cannot solve the problems on your own, I recommend that you seek help from a psychologist.
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