The Only Reason To Get Married

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I have a son and I have daughters. And I have my own personal nightmare. It concerns the moment when my beautiful daughter, whom I carried in my arms, whom I changed diapers and with whom we looked at the lights outside the window in the evening, will one day bring some, excuse me, idiot and say: “Dad, now this hedgehog will live with us.

More precisely - to live with us and sleep with her.

For some reason, it almost certainly seems to me that this guest I have not invited will be slovenly, poor, badly brought up, he will have long unkempt hair, and his attitude towards my baby will not be as chivalrous as I would like. Yes, and he will have a lot of disgusting household habits.

In a word, it will be my exact copy, adjusted for age.

And in order to slightly reduce my own anxiety, while the eldest daughter is only eight, not to buy another Mauser and an angry dog, I will try to say out loud - why, in fact, she should suddenly get married. By the way, for the son, who so far only knows how to crawl and bite with three teeth, it will probably not be harmful either to read this opus some twenty years later.

Although my esteemed father would have tried to write something similar for me, I probably would not have understood him. But still I will risk it.

Let's start from the opposite. What are the reasons for getting married / getting married are categorically unsuitable.

Minor reason number zero. You should not marry someone because he really wants to, because he feels sorry for him or because of any other desires of others. However, dear children, I am aware that you are not idiots and I will not tell you in detail why you should not.

Bodily attraction

I know not one, not two, or even four couples who got married - if you take away unnecessary words - because they wanted sex, and without a stamp in the passport and ritual in the temple, beliefs or strict parents would not allow. All these couples either broke up, or, as they say, "live very badly."

Simply because sex itself, generally speaking, gets boring pretty quickly and is not intended for a long time. Moreover, if it is simple and natural like lunch, then it gets boring even faster. For the sake of bodily pleasures, you can be together for a while, but not for a very long time. If you plan to spend life together, then you should look for a more serious reason for this.

Any external circumstances

Age, pressure from others, instructions of a confessor, will of parents, successful events, “signs from the Lord” and other fast-flowing tinsel. All of these reasons for marriage are insufficient, because they remove the responsibility for their choice from those entering into marriage. And in the future, when it becomes salty, they will certainly want to play back and hide behind an impenetrable wall “I didn’t decide that, it came about by itself”. The only question is who will lose nerves first - but it will be bad for both.

By the way, marriage "in flight" refers to the same. With the amendment that it will be bad for at least three.

Economic considerations

Marrying a rich man in the hope of his wealth and further carefree life is an act of sale, not love, and it is not worth doing it - some things do not belong to us strongly enough for us to sell them. This kind of thing includes, in particular, our soul, and marriage is more a union of souls than bodies - any two people can run a joint household or sleep together, and two friends are unlikely to be able to be a husband and wife.

However, if you still decide on such a deal, then it should be formalized as a deal, with all the shameful details like a marriage contract. Otherwise, your counterparty has too strong a position legally, and morally too, which, again, will end badly in a conflict situation.

Loneliness and a sense of unfulfillment in life

Usually, in such a situation, something opposite of a "fair deal" happens, and the person entering into this kind of relationship initially plans to lose. When selling oneself for material goods, a person tries to get more and evaluate himself as highly as possible, because the night is dark, the road is far, and the prospects are vague, and you need to have time to get your income while it is possible. If a person is pushed to marriage by loneliness and fear, then he does not try to get the maximum, but “takes what is,” that is, he is content with the minimum. "It's better this way than nothing at all."

Don't be fooled by this snag. It's not any better. To a difficult situation, when it is difficult, when it hurts, when the nights are cold and joyless days, such an alliance will not add anything - but it will take away the available minimum of freedom and greatly reduce comfort. And since the resulting union will not be a union of two free ones, united by mutual agreement, but rather an act of mercy from one to the other, putting people in an unequal position, then the hopes for full respect will have to be seriously reduced.

It is worth getting married only in a situation where all these considerations are irrelevant. When the fire in the body is extinguished, when no one depends on anyone and will not depend materially, when everyone has, in which case, what to do besides marriage.

Simply put, you should only get married when, when you don't need to. Marriage should be a luxury and a whim, a whim and an adventure, and not a solution to current or anticipated problems, except, in fact, the problem of "that we are not married." If two people have decided to complicate their lives so much that they not only settled together, but plan to live together all their lives, then this decision must be motivated exclusively from within.

By the way, keep in mind that a spouse or spouse is almost the only person in your entire life who will be a person with you. Everyone else will enter and leave your life with this or that functionality - a friend, colleague, drinking companion. Your contact with all other people will be limited, and in marriage you will have to deal with the whole person in its entirety, almost certainly unsightly. Therefore, do not make your decision until the moment when you realize that you see a person in front of you, and not his body, his brilliant prospects, his intellect, or your own comfort in his presence.

In marriage, as such, in general, there is no purpose, except for the unity of people with each other - that mysterious unity that is possible only between a man and a woman who make up a family, and which cannot be replaced by anything. Two friends are not marriage, and lovers are not marriage. And even friends who sleep together, or lovers who run a joint household - again, something is not right.

Therefore, dear daughter or dear son (well, suddenly you still read this), I can give only one clear advice - connect your life with a person only when you want to connect life with a specific person, and when this desire is free and clear.

Or like this:

Once upon a time, a woman asked her man: "Why do you love me?"

At first he wanted to say that she is beautiful. But I realized that this was not enough: there were thousands of beautiful women. Then I wanted to say that it was because she loved him, but that was not enough - not only this woman loved this man. Then he tried to talk about intelligence and a sense of humor, and about delicious borscht - but the borscht in the restaurant was even better, and smart ironic interlocutors at that time could pave roads - there were so many of them. And even thoughts about how good he was with her turned out to be incomplete truth - in the end, you can always find a thrill in life and stronger. Moreover, the words that it is bad without her did not help either.

And there is only one thing left.

He replied: "Because you are you."

That's when you can repeat it, without self-deception and the desire to please someone - probably it's worth getting married already.

However, you, dear children, probably will not read all this reasoning.