2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The number one reason for all divorces is not cheating, financial problems, or irreconcilable differences in character. These are all just symptoms of a much deeper problem.
The main difficulty for participants in a love relationship is the unwillingness to invest in their marriage. There is endless debate on this topic. Are people interested in investing in marriage because they have stopped loving each other? Or maybe they stopped loving each other because of their laziness?
Anyway, numerous studies conducted on this topic prove that we can influence our feelings by deliberately investing more effort in them than usual.
As you know, we begin to love more what we have dearly inherited. If you've been saving up for a new car for two years, you will surely love it overwhelmingly. It's the same with relationships: the flame of love must be constantly supported by the "wood" of care and courting. We love everything we spend our time, energy and money on. Passion, interest, and attachment will never arise for something that has come to you freely and effortlessly.
Think about what this means for marriage. You will love your spouse more if you make the effort to live in harmony with him. The quality of your marriage is the result of the effort you put in. If you constantly quarrel and cannot stand each other, then most likely it is not that you have stopped loving. The point is, you didn't want to keep the flame of love alive.
On the other hand, it also means that if your feelings for your partner diminish, they can still be saved.
Every week I talk to a couple who have gone wrong. Usually after the first session, I give everyone the same advice: on the way home, tell each other stories about your first date. And about what attracted you to each other then. It is also helpful to think back to what dreams you had in common a few years ago.
It's like archeology. Sometimes you need to dig deep into the depths of your soul to find long-buried feelings and memories under the excavation. Simple memories of how good you once were will make you feel love and attraction for each other again.
But what if things are much more complicated?
I suggest that you repeat five simple procedures every day that can restore love between you and your spouse.
1. Ask your spouse how his day went
It is not for him. You need it. You must remind yourself every day that it is not only difficult for you. Show interest in his life. Be interested in what happens to him after he steps over the threshold of the apartment.
2. Always kiss him when meeting and saying goodbye
A kiss is a powerful stimulus for physical and emotional connection between people. It also serves as a reminder that you are still husband and wife. Kiss your spouse when he leaves for work and when he returns from it. Make it a habit. Even routine.
3. Write to him
Ask your spouse about their day. Perhaps right now he is feeling particularly depressed. And he needs an emotional union with those who support him.
Of course, the call may not always be appropriate. Therefore, do not hesitate to write a declaration of love to him by e-mail. Or write to him on Skype.
4. Talk. At least five minutes a day
Any relationship requires conversation. No time during the day? Talk for at least five minutes a day before bed. Or at breakfast: don't chew silently. Turn off the TV, hang up. Just talk to whoever you are with right now.
This can be difficult - especially when your children need your constant attention. And yet, you will have to find time for your partner - no matter how busy you are.
5. Hug
At least 30 seconds once a day.
Before leaving for work, sitting at a table, or going to bed, cuddle with your spouse. A physical hug forces your soul and mind to establish a deep connection with the other person.
Research shows that cuddling lowers blood pressure and also bonds you to the person you cuddle with. They even improve your memory! Physical touch isn't just about sex.
Your marriage requires nothing more than an intention to make things right. A happy family is one where both spouses understand how easy it is to lose what they have. Marriage is destroyed not by treason, but by apathy.
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