My Man Has Girlfriends. What To Do?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many women are worried about the fact that their chosen one has friends-girlfriends. Whether it is an official husband or a boyfriend, the very existence of a girlfriend is alarming and makes you think. A girl who recently started a relationship came to me for consultation, and everything would be great if not for one thing: her man is categorically not going to stop communicating with former girls (with whom there was a close relationship or mutual sympathy). To her question about why he needed this, if now a relationship appeared in his life, he replied that he did not intend to change anything, and assured that this friendship did not hate anyone.

The first thought that came to my mind: “The guy is trying in such a very tough way, to check whether the girl accepts him as a whole, with all his“cockroaches”. The fact is that if a man has a negative experience of rejection behind him for one reason or another, he will provoke his partner to more and more sophisticated ways of testing: “accept - will not accept”. I asked the girl if this guy offered to take something else out of the ordinary from his life, it turned out that the list was very impressive and she agreed, almost unquestioningly, to all the points, but on this one related to her girlfriends, she stumbled and even decided to turn to a psychologist, to find the right solution and understand how to proceed.

According to the girl's story, I noticed that the feelings in the couple are mutual, however, the influence of negative experiences from the past of both, manifested itself violently. The subconscious mind periodically pushed them out of the relationship, inventing more and more new tests and provocations. I do not want to go into details, but the desire to be together fought for life and death with the desire to finish everything at any moment. This is how pain and fear behave, and the subconscious mind plays along, creating conflict situations. It is, of course, impossible to quickly deal with all this, and I decided, without plunging too deeply, to disclose so far only the current issue related to girlfriends. "How do you feel when you realize that besides you, your man needs communication with other women, by the way, whom he knows longer?" - I asked the girl. Since I use OX metaphoric cards in my work, a picture with a robber in a black mask and the words "fail" fell out to the question asked. The girl quickly got her bearings and saw this combination: “Of course, I see them as rivals and rivals, if not from the present, then from the past, so for sure! Moreover, I know that there was a relationship with them, intimacy or sympathy, these girls in "black masks", as in the picture, pose a threat to me. And not only to me, but also to the emerging relationship! Even though he can talk to them in my presence, I cannot know what is on the minds of these women and what to expect from them! But most of all I am worried about his desire to communicate with them. " I asked how she thinks why her man is so frank with her. Surely, he could assume that confessing to an ex might hurt her. To which the girl replied: "He wanted to be extremely sincere and honest with me, well, and to show what awaits me in the future … he is definitely not going to give up these connections."

The client was extremely savvy, she clearly realized that remaking a partner was a utopia, but she also could not accept what she came to me with. In such cases, the issue is considered only in two ways: either to accept everything as it is, or to turn around and leave, despite the feelings. Because further pain is possible even stronger than now.

I invited the girl to fantasize and imagine that her man communicates with his ex, that she knows about it … time has passed … her feelings, sensations? We used the cards again, this time the word "erotic" came out in combination with a picture: a mother is breastfeeding her child. The client slipped a little from the chair and grabbed her head, after a pause, gave out: “Ha, this is how he perceives me, first of all, as a mother! I am caring, affectionate, gentle, loving, at the same time strong and independent. Despite the fact that I am feminine and sexy, he feels my inner strength, sees in it support and reliability. If now our relationship is full of romance and passion, then sooner or later the mother will become a mother, and then girlfriends will enter the arena with whom it is easy and fun, carefree, there are no obligations, and he does not bear any responsibility for them, however they are in his life no matter what.

It turns out even if he loves me, then not as a woman-woman, but as a woman-mother. Hmm … "Here I had to make some adjustments:" The fact is that it was not he who described you as a mother, but you see yourself in a relationship as a mother, catch the difference? Of course, if you constantly broadcast this energy information to him and behave accordingly, then sooner or later he will begin to believe in it, however, it is in your power to maintain a balance between a woman - a child - a mother - a lover and be different. Being a friend, a girl, a lover and a mother sometimes, why not, all sorts of situations in life happen. I think that then he will no longer need friends from the outside, because you will be a more interesting interlocutor than they are. "But what about their past, with their closeness, sympathy?" the girl asked. You shouldn't worry about this at all, because you cannot return the past, and if there was potential in those relationships, then your chosen one would realize it, and not create new relationships with you. "So I have nothing to be afraid of?" the girl asked.

We got another picture: the word "attack" and a drawing in which a large man huddled in a corner, and a small fragile woman scolded him. This is how my client described what she saw: “I can't put pressure on him in this matter, he already opened up in front of me, shared, and I attack him, drive him into a corner. Perhaps, if I stop doing this, everything will be fine by itself. Trust, this is the word I have now, if I really love him, then I TRUST him, otherwise it cannot be! And if he loves me too, then he will never harm me, hurt or hurt me. We need to go towards each other, and not scatter in different directions, we need to sort out together the baggage from the past that we still carry on our shoulders. " I had nothing to add to what was said, that's nice. Love to all!