Why Do You Find Fault With Yourself All The Time?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-15 16:05

The brain of most people is arranged in such a way that it always finds ways to find fault with a person, especially in moments when something does not work out. Here's an example, you are looking for a job, you work hard at interviews, and you don't understand why you can't get a job. You definitely start to find fault with yourself, self-esteem falls. The brain finds a bunch of things that aggravate your condition even more. He seems to be shouting: "You know little, you are not a tough specialist, why did you not develop fully before, you are not worthy of the money you want." It is impossible to stop such a word mixer. And then despondency and depression

One small nuance is that you can be an arbitrarily cool specialist, be with great potential and fit the corporate culture, but no one canceled the subjective opinion. As an HR and a person who has gone through many interviews, now I am sure that I liked it or did not like it, this is the first and main factor. Therefore, the main advice, do not be sad, but simply look for “your flock”, your company, where you will be needed the way you are.

Yes, we can also by objective factors, for example, knowledge not reach a specific position, but the first factor will be whether the manager liked you or not. There are times when an employer hires a person, simply because someone needs to be hired and someone has to do this work. And then a person is taken who did not like it very much and does not fit the corporate standards. As a rule, such people do not stay long.

There are a lot of other examples, when parting with a loved one, how long then one of the partners can blame himself for what happened, and look for shortcomings in himself. It was me who didn’t understand, I’m a bad wife, I’m hysterical, I didn’t earn much, I’m a slobber, etc. But… all the same subjective factor, and all the same work of the brain to build unflattering judgments about myself. People are parting because someone has ceased to be liked by someone, such a simple alignment.

It is beneficial for the brain that we engage in self-flagellation and look for shortcomings in ourselves. And with enviable professionalism they found fault with themselves. So what's the point? And the bottom line is that looking for flaws is a learned program, passed on by our parents. Anyone who is so eager to find fault with himself, on any successful occasion, as a rule, was often criticized by their parents. The brain and psyche have learned these mechanisms, and automatically began to use them already in adulthood. After all, once upon a time such identification marks as criticism gave us an understanding of the love of parents. Which meant, do something, correct something in yourself and I will immediately love you, support, help you.

How can we help ourselves now in adulthood:

Accept some beliefs without proof:

- Even if something does not work out for me, it does not characterize me as a person.

- I'm good enough for everything I want.

- I am the only censor to myself.

- I cannot suit everyone (partners, places of work). Everyone can't fit me.

- All people are different. And each has its own flock.

2. Your past victories will help to weaken the censor inside yourself. … And in order not to forget them, just write them down in a notebook. And come back to reading them as soon as necessary.

3. Learn to let go. If yesterday was bad, this does not mean that tomorrow should be bad too. Yesterday was yesterday, and today is today. Remembering yesterday's unpleasant event, you can say within yourself: "This is not and never was."

4. Sometimes not getting what you want (a partner or a job) is already good luck. After all, in any case, you do not know for sure how everything would have turned out. Perhaps you have been saved from something, or there is not enough readiness for this yet. So, remembering that everything is for the best is one of the important aspects in self-help.

5. God has only three answers to your requests:

1. Yes

2. Yes, but not now.

3. I have something better prepared for you.

And, remember, than hammer nit-picking into your head about not yourself. Wouldn't it be better to take the time to think positive thoughts about yourself in your head? Elapsed time too, but the effect is cooler!

Author: Darzhina Irina Mikhailovna