2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A manipulator is a person who cannot directly say what he wants from another, but does it by roundabout ways, hidden methods of influence, he hides his true inner position. Then the person to whom the manipulation is directed does what he was set out to do, inspired, not taking into account his own interests. The manipulator cleverly carries out the substitution of interests. If the initial desires and needs of two people coincide, then there is no need to talk about manipulation
Why exactly manipulation? Because a person is afraid that a direct open request will be rejected. Tyrants, dictators push through their decision, their will by force (threat, pressure, blackmail, up to physical pressure), which the manipulator does not have. A manipulator is, first of all, a neurotic, his credo: "I want to take (receive) from people what they do not want to give, but at the same time seem good."
So what does the manipulator use, use to get its benefit?
1) Feelings of guilt
"I put my whole life on you, and you are ungrateful, you can't call your mother once a week!"
"If I knew that you are, I would not have married you!"
"I thought you weren't like that!"
The non-verbal message is crying.
2) Flattery
"You are so wonderful, beauty, beautiful eyes, let's go drink coffee to me!"
"Pyotr Petrovich, you are such an intelligent specialist, could you take a professional look at my report?"
3) Pity
“I’m so tired of carrying these bags, my hands are tired, my legs don’t hold, my head is spinning, the pressure is jumping!”
"I am used to the fact that everyone refuses me, no one loves me, I am indifferent to everyone!"
4) The desire of the object of manipulation to be good (smart, beautiful, kind, generous, right)
"A real man must provide for his woman!"
"If you are a wise woman, you must understand how to behave."
"If you are a good person, then you will help me."
"We all rely on you!"
5) Fear
"Tomorrow will be too late!"
"You can lose everything if you don't!"
"Then I will not love you!"
6) Shame
"And if people find out …."
"What would your father say if he knew!"
"What would they think of you if they saw this!"
7) Expectation of happiness, pleasure
"As soon as you acquire this, you will see what a bliss it is!"
"Just imagine what pleasure you will get if you go there with me!"
"I know you want it!"
The main way to resist manipulation is to raise to the surface and speak out, voice the real motives of the manipulator. They are afraid of openness, truth. And track your real benefit and interest in what motivates you - do you really need it? Manipulators are excellent psychologists, they are good at calculating weak points, they know what to put pressure on. Therefore, it is best to raise your pain points to the surface on your own and work them out. If the manipulator has nothing to catch on to, you will no longer be interesting to him!
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