How To Make Friends With Your Child

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Children always feel what you really feel for them. Is there an acceptance of the child for who he is. Children read everything unconsciously no matter how you smile at him.

If you notice, then children are drawn to some people, and the person has not said or done anything yet, and they try to distance themselves from others. And it's not that the child is capricious, as parents often think. The fact is that the child considered the internal state of a person, with what emotions, feelings he came. And if he did not feel good, joy, acceptance in these feelings, then he simply distances himself from this person.

Often, by reproaches, fears and anxiety for the child, as well as excessive guardianship, parents want to show how they love the child.

They love as they can at the moment, but neither custody, nor reproaches, nor fears are love, and therefore are rejected by the child. The more reproaches a child hears in his address, the more he moves away from his parents. Any reproach carries with it the feeling that "I am not what I should be", "I am not loved the way I am."

There is one important condition to befriend your child.

It is to accept him as he is. With those manifestations and emotions, that appearance and weight, that character and desires.

To accept. It means allowing the child to be who he is.

Any reproaches and condemnations of the child lead to his closeness and distance, and only acceptance leads to friendship.

Acceptance does not mean you have to face up to any child misbehavior.

To accept means to say: "I understand your feelings, but I want to share with you my vision of this …". And without reproaches from the I narration to share with the child my vision and feelings.

I feel angry when you do this….

I feel that in this situation it is possible to do something else to make it easier and more comfortable for you …

I see that it is difficult for you, tell me, can I share with you my vision and ways to change it …

Speak for yourself

Forget the phrases: You are to blame, You make me angry, You are stupid, You behave disgustingly, etc.

Forget what a child's assessment is, do not assess his appearance, behavior, friends. There is nothing good or bad. You can only talk about what you see and how you feel.

Children are a reflection of their parents. Therefore, everything that you do not like in your child is simply a reflection of your inner state, conflict, rejection of yourself and your emotions. Children as a source of development for parents. If the child is lying, then it is worth looking inside yourself, and where you yourself are deceiving yourself. If a child shows aggression, anger, then there is a possibility that you yourself are clamping yourself, do not give out your aggression, the child unconsciously feels this and show you what is in you.

The most effective way to change your child is to change yourself. It all starts with ourselves, and the relationship with our children is the same as we have with ourselves. The more tolerant we are of ourselves, accept ourselves, love ourselves, the better our relationship with our children and not only. With what attitude we are to ourselves, with the same we are to our children.

If a mother is used to looking for flaws with herself, blaming herself, reproaching herself, finding fault with her, then she will be the same for her child, always dissatisfied, and the child will never reach the mother's high level of ideality, because she herself, too, does not live up to her own.

Support your children in their endeavors and desires … Let the children try whatever they want, sometimes even forbidden. Children explore this world and look for their own. Give them the right to make their mistakes. Accept them with mistakes without reproaches "I told you", "I warned you." There are no mistakes, there are experiences, and children are entitled to their experiences. And, of course, the more pleasant the atmosphere at home, accepting and kind, the less likely the child will want to try something that will harm him.

Be a support to your children, not a judge

You can say that you are thinking about the child's action, but not about his personality. Separate actions from the child's personality. After all, if you repeat five times a day that he is a donkey, do not be surprised that one day he will bleed.

Want to make friends with your child?

Accept, support, refuse to evaluate his personality.

Dot.