How To Make Friends With Anger? Part 2

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In order to deal with the anger that we have as a result of communication with people, it is necessary to answer 2 questions:

1. Am I doing the right thing? It's about whether my reaction will benefit the relationship.

2. Are my actions based on love? Are they aimed at the benefit of those at whom I am angry.

It is very important to learn how to deal with situations in which we feel anger, striving for positive consequences. Otherwise, we will only enter the path of destruction.

How to use anger for good?

Responding to justified anger is a five-step process:

1. Admit to yourself that you are angry.

2. Do not react in the heat of the moment.

3. Identify the causes of your anger.

4. Analyze the options for your reaction.

5. Take constructive steps.

Since anger flares up instantly, we often react immediately - by word or action, without having time to realize what is happening inside us. Our reaction would be more positive if we admitted to ourselves that we are angry.

In a moment of anger, try to tell yourself (preferably aloud and loudly), “I am incredibly angry about this. And what should I do now? These kinds of thoughts help to get the better of the situation and bring awareness into it.

When we are angry and just give in to the first impulse, we are more likely to respond in a negative and destructive way. For the most part, we repeat the pattern of behavior that we are accustomed to from childhood and observed in our parents or other adults. There are two options: either to act aggressively (by words, actions), or to withdraw into oneself. In order to change the behavior and expression of anger, the first two stages in which we bring in awareness are very important.

You can identify the root cause of your anger by asking yourself a series of questions. What happens to me? Why am I angry? What hurt me so? Why did this particular situation make me angry? Am I really angry with this person now, or maybe something else is upsetting me? Does it remind me of something from the past and am I scared to face it again? What exactly do I dislike and why? The main thing in identifying the causes of anger is to understand what, in fact, the person is guilty of.

Another goal of the third stage is to find out how badly they hurt us. Since each situation has its own level of "severity" of the offense, you can define it on a 10-point system. Sounding the ball to the offender, we declare how our dialogue will go further. For more significant grievances, more time is needed to communicate.

Sometimes it happens that the best way to deal with a situation is to leave it as it is. This happens in cases when the interlocutor (offender) cannot understand us and insists only on his own righteousness. However, not everyone has such a relationship. And the dialogue can be started like this: “Something worries me. I'm even mad at you. Perhaps I misunderstood the situation and want to clarify it. It is important not only to give yourself a chance to express your own resentment, but also to hear the opinion of the other side. It so happens that a person made a mistake and regrets his own mistake.

At the last stage, it is necessary to understand that a showdown does not always lead to the restoration of justice. However, it should be hoped that it will help to make amends for the incident. You can also just give feedback. How do you do with the way the person did. What's more important is to remember that you can stay with your opinion, and your abuser with his. Perhaps the truth is somewhere in between. You should not impose your righteousness, as you can cause anger in your address with it.

Based on materials from Henry Chapman's book "The Other Side of Love"