2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
ABULIC SYNDROME
A generation of parents didn't know how to want
and the generation of children does not know how to wait.
I don't like to make predictions …
This is a thankless job. I will express only some of my therapeutic observations, in no way pretending to generalize, but rather indicating some tendencies.
Recently, more and more often we have to meet with requests from clients (I will call them conditionally the Generation of Parents) who do not know what to do with their (often already adults) lack of initiative, weak-willed children (I will call them Generation of Children).
Understanding all the conventionality of the temporal boundaries of age, nevertheless, it is possible to draw some generalized portrait of parents and children.
In general, the generation of parents can be characterized as “narcissistic” (not in the clinical sense of this term). For the generation of parents, the balance “must - want” was significantly shifted towards “must”. The result of this kind of situation was hypertrophy of the will. This is a strong-willed generation. They are characterized by purposefulness, perfectionism, the ability to set goals and achieve them - on the one hand - and a weak sensitivity to their self and his desires - on the other.
For the Generation of Children, the balance “must - want” is significantly shifted towards “want”. As a result, we can often observe their inability to volitional efforts or abulic syndrome. The emphasis on "I want" and the urgent satisfaction of desires leads not only to an inability to wait, endure, make efforts, but also paradoxically, over time, to the absence of desires themselves.
The generation of parents does not know how to want, and the generation of children does not know how to wait
And the reason for this is often that parents are trying to give their child what they themselves did not receive in childhood.
I think that very soon we will have to work en masse not with the problems of the deficit of desires, but with the problems of the deficit of self-effort or will. And we, as therapists, will soon face this very seriously. And this is not an easy challenge for professionals. Colleagues know how difficult it is to deal with mental deficits. But this is not so bad. An additional complication is that we are dealing here with an unmotivated client who, in the true sense of the word, is not a client either.
Boris Sergeevich Bratus, in one of his lectures, which I was lucky to hear live, expressed the following thought: “Getting pleasure without effort is the way to an“alcoholic psyche”.
A deep thought that explains a lot …
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