How To Maintain Passion In A Marriage?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How to maintain passion in marriage and reduce the risk of cheating? Working as a family psychologist, every day you receive information not only about various mistakes in the behavior of spouses, but also those features of family relationships that have a positive effect on marriage and which are very useful for all men and women to know. Communicating with those married couples where for ten, twenty or even thirty years of marriage, not only there was no betrayal, but the spouses also managed to maintain a vivid sexual attraction to each other, I always try to understand "what is their secret." Hence, a list of ten useful recommendations was born, which I will now share with you.

But, before I list them, I want to immediately respond to possible statements, such as: “Does this require any special recommendations and secrets, because our ancestors have lived in happy marriages for centuries and did not think about this topic at all, they just loved and had sex, and that's it! The fact is that the world has changed a lot over the past fifty years. Thanks to the Progress, men and women began to work less, get sick and age. If earlier, after forty years, a clear extinction of men and women began, they were clearly not up to sex, now at this age people look great and want to indulge in anything in sex until the age of 60-65. Accordingly, the requests have become higher. In addition, the spouses, even thirty years ago, did not have such a wide communication with representatives of the opposite sex, as it is now. They didn’t have a large assortment of sex, but now they all have it - in offices, on public transport, in high places and social networks. And to sleep now without any obligations is a piece of cake, and earlier all this was accompanied by great difficulties. Therefore, the set of inexpensive and free erotic offers, and therefore the competition in the field of sex, has become tougher. Yes, and those role models in appearance and sexual liberation that are now imposed by mass culture (that is, TV and the Internet) make men and women to be much more demanding of each other in the matter of intimacy than was the case with spouses from the past. Therefore, I advise you not to think that sexual happiness in your family and the absence of cheating are guaranteed to you simply because you once loved each other very much or you have a child together. I advise you to take into account the sexual realities of the modern world and correspond to them. Remembering to learn from those who have a lot to share from their happy family experiences. So:

10 tips from Andrey Zberovsky on how to keep passion in marriage:

First. Keep track of your figure, not be overweight … All those happy married couples that I observe are skinny or, at any rate, slender people. Or sports couples, where both spouses go in for sports at once, and, more often than not, it is together, in the same gym. (Moreover, without personal trainers, with whom love triangles often arise). Or if they adhere to some peculiarities in nutrition (such as religious fasts, Mediterranean, protein or vegetarian diets), then again, just two of them. A sagging belly, cellulite, or a triple chin rarely makes someone more desirable or sexually active.

I want to emphasize: it is not necessary to spend a lot of money on a silicone bust, removal of ribs or liposuction of fat: it is important just not to transfer, to devote time to physical or sports activity and you will already be youthful and interesting men and women. And your spouse will definitely appreciate it. Plus, it is important to remember: sport helps to better develop male and female sex hormones: hence sex from "disgusted marital debt" will become your own desired need and a daily source of good mood for you.

And of course, I advise you not to save your family on that beautiful underwear that will only emphasize your slimness. Because saving on sexuality in the family always leads to additional spending on lovers and mistresses.

Second. Avoid long interruptions in sex. Human psychology is arranged in such a way that if a tradition arises in the family when there is no sex for more than a week or two (no matter what the reasons for this, it is important that it takes place regularly), then one of the spouses has resentment, and compensation mechanisms begin to work for some. Resentment of the type: “Well, why ignore me! Well, okay: if you don't want me, don't! I will remember you! When you yourself start to pester me, I will also pretend that I do not need anything! . Compensation by type: A husband or wife takes personal sexual needs into their own hands and starts watching porn and masturbating regularly, after which they no longer need anything from each other in the family bed. Or they have lovers at work. And there is also adaptation, that is, getting used to such a reality and even an incorrect explanation of the situation. When a wife is simply very tired or offended by her husband for something unrelated to sex, and he suddenly decides that after childbirth she has lost interest in sex and it is better not to bother her about this. Or the husband was not active towards his wife for a month because of problems at work or for health, and the wife decided that her husband did not need anything by age and therefore it is better not to touch him, so as not to put him in an offensive position if he cannot provide an erection etc. In all these logical, but fundamentally wrong schemes, treason is already close. Hence, I directly advise: do not allow interruptions in family sex for more than three to four days. Once family sex becomes an event once a week or two, chilling and cheating is almost guaranteed.

Third. Go to bed with the family until 23 o'clock. Immediately I foresee that someone will say: “What are we, pensioners? It's very cool to watch TV shows at night, read a book, surf the Internet … "I will answer:" Practice shows that many of those couples who regularly fit in after midnight, by this time are already tired and tuned in to sleep, sex in such couples simply does not happen, nobody needs it anymore. At my reception every week there are dissatisfied spouses who complain that during the weekend they watch TV shows and eat delicious food all night, but they can't wait for sex. " But those couples who put their children to bed until 22 o'clock wait until they fall asleep, retain their strength and mood and have regular family sex. Because there is no equal sign between the attitude “to go to bed in the family before 23 o'clock” and “to fall asleep without sex”. But the fulfillment of the first principle helps the second to take place.

Fourth. Find opportunities to lead an intimate life when children are not at home. The problem with many families is that their intimacy occurs only when children or their own parents are sleeping behind the wall. In this situation, bright sex is practically excluded: no moans in a full voice (half-strangled intimacy), no visual contact (sex in the dark), neither stockings nor lace lingerie work, erotic films are not turned on, sex toys are not used, etc. … As a result, bright and sensual sex becomes technically possible only with lovers and mistresses. Therefore, smart spouses literally work miracles, but from time to time they find opportunities or have sex in the morning, when they take the children to kindergartens and schools, or make sure that in the evening the children are still busy in sections, are on an extended day or be busy with something else. …Either the husband and wife set aside a special time to meet at home for sex at lunchtime, or stop by each other's office during working hours, or have sex in the car, or rent hotels or apartments on a daily or hourly basis. As practice shows, sex life in this mode is brighter in the family, leaves behind long-term positive memories and forms the correct mindset for the continuation of such meetings in the future. And the need for left ties is immediately less.

Fifth. Spend time (and weekends) without children on a regular basis. There are a lot of married couples where moms and dads, due to conflicts with parents, banal laziness (not a desire to carry children far) or an exaggerated sense of paternity and motherhood (motto: weekends only for children!) Spend absolutely all their free time and weekends together with kids. This leads to the fact that there is simply no regular interesting sexual life in such couples and, most importantly, it is not expected! Hence, the psychological readiness of the husband and wife is formed to have sex "on the side" with almost anyone, if only it would somehow differ from the boring routine imitation of sex in the family. Therefore, the experience of happy married couples clearly shows: if the spouses are not retired yet, it is important to find opportunities to spend time without children at least two or three days a month! Even if (if there are no grandmothers) with the use of a nanny. Otherwise, at first you will be left without sex, and then without a husband (or without a wife). And then there will still be a risk (after a divorce and moving to other cities and regions) to remain without contact with children. Therefore, the scheme here is simple: If you want to keep in touch with children forever - find an opportunity at least sometimes to spend time without them and celebrate it with excellent bright sex!

Sixth. Take the initiative yourself in the sex that your spouse likes. Many books and articles have been written where it is recommended: "It is important for spouses to make it a rule not to be shy in discussing their sexual desires and preferences." And it is written, in general, correctly. Another thing is that in practice there are two problems: firstly, many spouses are still very shy about discussing their sexual "wishes", and secondly, even having plucked up the courage to declare them, then they stumble upon the fact that their half is not very good. then they are in a hurry to rebuild family intimacy in the direction of the expressed wishes. After that, resentment and cooling naturally arise for an understandable reason of wounded pride. The person thinks to himself: “I said that I want to get in sex, but I didn’t get it. More precisely, it happens, but only on my initiative, it looks like a humiliating begging, as if it is only me (oh) who needs it! I won’t ask, and nothing happens in sex, as if I hadn’t said anything. Either my partner shows that he (she) is disgusted with what I offer, or I am not worthy of being happy in bed. I don't need this kind of sex at all! I will get those types and techniques of sex from the person who will be really interested in it himself (oh) and who will take the initiative himself. " Therefore, for spouses who are happy in the family and in family sex, it is characteristic that they have the following attitude: “If my partner said that he (she) wants something spicy, then it should become important for me as well. I need to take the initiative in what sounded from my "half". Then, in response, my initiatives will also be supported, and sex in our family will be bright and varied. And everyone will be even bolder in expressing their wishes. " Take this approach for yourself and you won't regret it.

Seventh. Make it a rule to praise each other in sex … It is important to understand that sex is a sphere of heightened, I would even say - naked pride. Therefore, if a husband or wife does not receive feedback from their halves in the form of praise for their sexual abilities, their activity and initiative, this significantly reduces activity. The principle of "no feed for a horse" is manifested here very clearly. “I try, but they don’t appreciate me and they don’t say“Thank you”for orgasm, but they don’t even kiss during sex or after it.” The era of "spousal sexual stagnation" often begins with about such offenses. Therefore, follow the example of successful families - be sure to praise each other in the family bed. Remember: Praise inspires, criticism discourages all desire. And the desire in the family bed should remain at any cost. Let me be blunt: Even at the cost of simulating an orgasm. Today we will correctly imitate and praise, thereby inspiring our partner to make even greater efforts, tomorrow we will still get him! And more than once.

Eighth. Be ready for spontaneous sex and sometimes bring your partner to orgasm with your hands. Many men and women forget that there is no equal sign between the concepts of "intimate life" and the actual "sexual intercourse". Husband and wife will always enjoy receiving sexual attention in other ways as well. For example, in the form of manipulation of hands and lips, etc. That will add warmth and tenderness in a married couple, regardless of the length of their family life and age. Many successful families say this at the consultation: “It was the constant readiness of my half for spontaneous sex anywhere and in any way that always stopped me from cheating, even if I felt attention to myself from other people. Because in this case it was always not clear to me: why should I have something on the side, if I can get everything in my family, and often unexpectedly! " Consider this in your family: an unexpected orgasm, even without full intercourse, is the strongest defense against cheating.

Ninth. Do not save in the family at your leisure … Observations of successful families show that vivid intimate relationships are usually observed in those couples where the spouses are active, and most importantly, spend weekends, holidays and vacations together. They do not sin at home, go to public places, other cities and countries, go on hikes and take motor rallies, climb mountains and dive into the seas together. The secret here is simple: vivid impressions of varied and interesting family leisure provide spouses with topics for communication and discussion, and communication, in turn, allows you to melt any ice that arises from ordinary domestic family conflicts. The ease of communication in the family is the basis for ease in intimate relationships, the ability to go to intimacy without long preliminary negotiations and waiting for a "convenient opportunity". And what you can get easily is what you usually get. Without resorting to the services of a substitute husband or wife "for the sexual part."

Tenth. Never insult or beat each other … Most of those families who have passed the sad cup of betrayal and sexual chills are couples where spouses do not raise their hands against each other and do not offend their "halves". Because heavy grievances never contribute to the activation in the family bed, and any heavy disagreement is almost guaranteed to lead to a sexual strike, when one of the couple explicitly or covertly avoids intimate relationships.

Do you want to increase the degree in family sex, Learn to cool the temperature in family disputes.

It seems to me that there is even nothing to comment on. Just accept it.

Actually, that's all. You have learned ten tips that will not only help to make your family sex brighter but also … in general, make it a reality! Because most of the betrayal of husbands and wives is the result of minimal sex in their families, or its complete absence for many weeks, months or even years. And the dying of sex in the family is most often a consequence of the fact that the spouses did not know or did not apply in the family the recommendations that were given in the article. If you use them, the likelihood of the risk of betrayal of your half and yourself (s) will noticeably decrease. Which is what I sincerely wish you.