Insults! Instructions For Use

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

About Grievances !!! Instructions for use!

There is a saying: "They carry water to the offended!" Not at all … not at all, and not always! Let's try to figure it out, and understand who is on whom, and what is carrying!

Grievances are such a slippery topic, very, very multifaceted and controversial!

Resentment, of course, comes from childhood, so to speak, the foundation of all your subsequent grievances! And in general, the formation of how touchy and touchy you are, that is, how you are offended, and why (this is also important)!

And the most common offense, the offense of the whole life, for many, is an offense against their parents. This is exactly that rotting and sprouted potato (a parable about offenses) that poisons and distorts your perception of yourself, society and the world as a whole!

When I started my path in psychology, a professional path, I started working with myself, with my grievances. And there were a myriad of them!

It took me several years of intense work on myself in order to free myself, let go and clear all my potato fields!

I really had a painful relationship with my mother, I never saw my father, but my grandmother raised me, in general, fun!

But I understood that these grievances and claims are my main anchor, and it is in my interests to get rid of it! And I did it … absolutely … completely … and irrevocably!

I tried a huge number of different psychotechniques, and not only, some techniques pushed me even deeper, and some performed the effect of a plaster on a decaying wound, in general, in different ways!

What did I do? I tried to forgive, forgive the offenders, in all possible ways and techniques (and there are many of them)! And this is the most understandable and accessible tool for dealing with grievances! But, as a rule, my forgiveness was not enough for a long time, and gradually everything returned to normal!

I think this is familiar to many!

Because to forgive is not always letting go, it is not always a release from resentment.

Forgiveness:

- firstly, confirmation and even greater immersion in the fact that I am offended, I am a victim, I have suffered, I am so poor and unhappy, defenseless, I am good, and he … the one who offended me is bad, bad, guilty … and so on.

- and secondly, it gives a feeling of superiority over those whom you forgive! You evaluate, you judge and, according to the results, make a verdict: "You cannot be pardoned to execute." Who are you to judge?

And here, perhaps, it is necessary to explain what an offense is, in all its glory, so to speak!

- First of all, resentment is suppressed aggression, aggression directed inward into oneself!

When there is no way to openly express dissatisfaction with anger (for example, in childhood), these feelings are suppressed, but they do not disappear, but go inside in the form of grievances that accumulate, rot and germinate! Hence the psychomimetic!

That is, all this discontent, all aggression and possibly hatred does not manifest itself outside, but is directed inwardly, and destroys you … and it can be very painful. Here all sorts of protective mechanisms of survival (adaptation) appear, incredible pain and vulnerability can hide under the armor of insensitivity!

Can you imagine how destructive this feeling, the feeling of resentment, has!

- Secondly, insult is a means of manipulation! Such a means to achieve the desired behavior of others! Yes Yes exactly!

We saw how cute the kids pout their lips, taking offense, the parents are touched, and are ready for anything for their child! We learn to manipulate in this way, first with our parents, and then this model of behavior (as in the first case) passes into our adult life! We don't like something, we get offended, parents try to please us, and we get what we want!

That is, at first glance, these are completely different grievances, in the first case it is helplessness and suppressed aggression, in the second it is manipulation to achieve what you want!

- Thirdly, these are your expectations, your possibly inflated expectations, your requirements, the position that everyone owes me. The parents, the husband, the children must, of course, too, the environment as a whole, and so on. There are a lot of debtors, and there is just an endless field for grievances…. Because not everyone from this list, for some (for you incomprehensible) reason, thinks that they owe you, not all meet your needs and expectations. And so actually … Beware … I'll take out all the brain … I'll get sick for everyone … I'm offended !!!

This is a violation of communication and an absolute shift of responsibility!

- Yes, Another facet of resentment is responsibility! That is, not responsibility, of course, but irresponsibility! It would seem, what is common? But if you look closely, then …

Imagine a certain situation, and I was offended! I can't do anything about it, I am generally a victim (in the language of psychology), and in this situation, nothing depends on me (in my opinion), that is, it is not my fault (where there is an offense, there is automatically a fault), someone (the one who offended me) is to blame, respectively, it is his fault and his responsibility, for what happened, for what is happening to me, for all my suffering and possibly failures in the future!

Got a connection? Who thinks that your parents, for example, are to blame, that something does not go well in your life, or that you were not brought up correctly or loved incorrectly, or that you cannot love and educate correctly?

I myself thought so for quite a long time … Disliked, undersized, underdeveloped … But now you are already big (or big), you can look at the situation, for example, with your parents, in a different way! And I’m not about forgiveness, I’m about understanding … Awareness, as it is fashionable to say now.

Why did my mother not work out with my father, why did she never want to talk about him, why her fate did not work out, why did she not want to live in general and deal with my upbringing, why did she not need me? Try to look at the situation not from the position of an offended child (of course, this is sad), and not from the position of a consumer and an egoist to whom everyone owes, but simply, purely humanly!

And who loved her, and what was the relationship between grandmother and grandfather, and she was a desired child, or maybe she wanted, but did not know how, or maybe she was too young and afraid, and there was no one to tell and teach, maybe she was driven into a corner, maybe is she an even bigger victim than you?

How can you judge? After all, you cannot know everything and be objective in this situation. Everyone has their own birth trauma, and passing them on to your children or parting with them is your choice, it is within your competence and within your power!

So my friends, free yourself from grievances, they poison the life of any person! Let go of childhood grievances, it's time already, reconsider your history, rewrite your attitude towards it!

Understand your habit of being offended, just track down what you usually get offended for:

- you suppress something, you are afraid to express dissatisfaction, but you are no longer a child, it's time to learn to express your opinion and defend your rights, and not destroy yourself from the inside! Start answering, fighting back, defending! Be honest with yourself and others, and I assure you that it will become easier to live, breathe more freely, you will get sick less, and your mood will improve! Try it!

- if you are offended for the purpose of manipulation! Learn to negotiate, resolve issues and get what you want through open actions! And there are plenty of them! Grow up!

- and of course the responsibility, in any situation the responsibility lies with both countries, you are a full participant in it, and yours is right and good, in fact, it is not always so. Unfortunately, we do not know how to objectively look at things, this is always a subjective view, but there are compromises, in the same way your choice.

There are no hopeless situations, just sometimes you personally may not like this way out, and this is already your responsibility and your choice! You are no longer a child and taking responsibility for your life, for what happens in it, is important! Let go of the debtors, finally breathe freely !!! After all, responsibility is freedom!

But that's another story.

I hope I've shed some light on understanding resentment!

And this article will help you determine why you are offended and what you get from it, understand whether you want to continue cultivating offenses, be offended and pass these habits (programs) to your children, or start developing a new habit, living a free life, your own life, live without offense and accusations!

And as I think: "all is yours"!