Breaking Up Doesn't Mean Ending The Relationship

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

You broke up with someone, removed from your friends, do not call or write, but you can continue talking with this person in your head for many days or even years.

3 reasons to end a relationship

It is worth clarifying right away that by "parting" I mean a change in the relationship in the role structure, were a couple - no longer a couple, were friends - no longer. The external form of relationships.

And by "complete" I mean a finer construction.

Example. I had a client who broke up with her boyfriend more than a year ago, or rather, he broke up with her. And there was nothing more between them. But she continued to be in a relationship with him. She thought about how everything could have been if she had behaved differently in situations preceding the breakup, she followed his life on social networks, she fantasized about what would happen if they met by chance in the city. They broke up? Yes. Has my client ended her relationship with this guy? No.

Why end a relationship?

1. For the possibility of a new meeting

If you broke up with a person somehow not definitely, the relationship was rather broken off, then it is not clear at what point you can meet again.

Everyone in life has such a person.

For example, you were a couple, and then he said “we'd better break up,” and it's not very clear who is better for this. Or you were friends for several years, and one conflict suddenly crossed out everything important in your relationship. Or something else.

Imagine that you accidentally saw this person on the street. You will surely be overwhelmed by a wave of mixed feelings. Then you will be confused and will quickly decide what to do. Try to hide, cross the street, turn away? Say hello and walk by? Pretend that you are all the best and exchange a couple of meaningless phrases? Come up and hug because you miss you?

And what will the other think at this moment, how will they react? Dont clear. We parted without dotting all the i's.

The end of the relationship helps to create relief within, in this case, chaotic tension does not appear, throwing you from side to side. And with a new chance meeting, everyone understands at what point the relationship stopped and from this point you can start a new meeting.

2. For yourself

If you broke up with someone and you know for sure that you do not want a new date, you still need to end the relationship.

Example.

You broke up with someone, deleted from friends, erased numbers, do not call or write, but … you can continue talking with this person in your head for many days or even years. Scroll through memories of how good it was or how disgusting. Thinking about the perfect answers in case he (she) ever calls you. Anything.

If you recognize yourself, know that you continue to remain in a relationship with this person.

To end a relationship means to live all the difficult feelings associated with parting and completing what was and is no more.

3. For the possibility of new relationships

If you do not experience the feelings associated with that person, they will reappear again and again in new relationships. And a real meeting with a new person will never happen.

Example.

You are in a second marriage or in a new relationship, but you feel the invisible presence of a third (ex or ex). He often pops up in your memory, is present in conversations, you live with an eye on how it was then with him (her).

It's like trying to write a new story on a piece of paper that already has quite a lot written on it. We need another sheet.

How to end a relationship?

Complete 4 steps:

1. To tell what is not said

It happens that this can be done at the time of separation, and sometimes you need to mature for this. And finish it. A week later. A month later. Through the years. Does not matter. It is important to finish.

2. Interrogate

Ask the questions you are tormented and finally get the answers.

Here, as luck would have it, a person may not want to answer - but it's worth trying.

3. To apologize

Usually there is something. Surely you, too, somehow messed up during your relationship.

4. Thank you

Yes, thank you for the good things that happened between you in the relationship.

At each stage, strong feelings of loss will arise. Don't scroll. Feelings are born to be lived.

That's all. End. There is nothing else left. You can go live your life letting go of the past.