Adultery

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Who's guilty?

The relationship between men and women is predetermined by the fact that libido (life, energy) is usually directed at a person of the opposite sex. For about 50 years, this energy fills the body, excites the senses, is accompanied by sexual attraction, although not always associated with sex.

Two halves are when there is resonance and contact at all these levels. Such a relationship is very rare, but love triangle phenomenon is extremely common and even normative … It's just that some manage to work out the polygamous style of relationships in adolescence and youth, and for some it drags on until old age.

Adultery and the appearance of a love triangle is when a third person in the form of a lover or mistress is required for the full circulation of vital energy. When they talk about sexual intercourse, then, oddly enough, sexual attraction, lust and lust play here far from the main role. An example of men who pay prostitutes to talk.

In addition to sex, men and women are connected by joint recreation and entertainment, partnerships (business, money, children, leisure), emotional closeness (friendship, trust, security, love), as well as mutual values and meanings. Relationships only at the level of possession “you are my woman, I am your man” are the lowest frequencies in the music of relationships. Sexual intercourse, if only about sex, is the most short-lived. But the connection on the side damages all other relationships in the couple.

It is wrong to believe that someone specific, a husband or wife, is to blame for the emergence of a love triangle. Moralizing on this topic is also meaningless. Either no one is to blame, or both are to blame. The point is not that someone is licentious, but someone is chaste, just a couple for some reason cannot exist without the "help" of the third.

Meanwhile, it is difficult for the injured party to accept such an alignment. The feeling that you have been thrown away and betrayed, the experience of depression, uselessness, inferiority, resentment and hatred are quite real. They have tremendous subjective credibility.

What to do - get divorced, endure, forgive?

Firstly, you need to understand that your couple went to this not a single day and not a single month. The hidden problems in your relationship have become apparent. And you can congratulate yourself that it happened.

Secondly, you need to understand that after the adultery has occurred, the family will never be the same. The relationship that preceded this ended forever, you cannot enter the same water, the ship of love crashed on pitfalls, and the travelers sit and dry up on the shore.

Thirdly, you will experience difficult feelings, the strength of which is often underestimated. You really need additional resources and strength to survive them and enter a new round of life. If these feelings are not lived properly, the person will unconsciously reproduce the traumatic ones in subsequent relationships. “To change husbands, to waste time” - say women “wise” by life experience.

Fourth, it is useful to understand that the love triangle is always a confusion of love and parent-child relationships. A villain or a villain breaking into other people's families is a lost child who is looking for mom and dad. At 30, 40, 50, everyone is looking for their parental family. Most likely, you resonated with his childhood feelings - you saw in him this adorable child, or, as it also happens, you met in his face the ghost of his father or mother. In an amicable way, ideally, you will need to learn to live without such hallucinations, leave your childhood or parental projections in the past and return to reality.

And fifthly, there are psychologists and psychotherapists who help in such cases to accept the illusory nature of the previous self-perception and their relationship in a couple. You were deceived by your parents, aunts and grandmothers, you were deceived by your partner in the process of courtship and charm, you were deceived at a wedding, in books and films. You deceived yourself all the time. But all this is no longer important if you intend to achieve greater psychological maturity.

Working with a specialist will be useful in order to

1. Parting is relatively painless, meaningful, emotionally prepared, with self-preservation and the likelihood of building new relationships. In the presence of joint children, protect them from stress as much as possible.

2. Get professional help to create a new relationship with an old partner. However, your new relationship can be more mature, more realistic, closer and even more trusting.