10 Wacky Mistakes Women Make In Relationships

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

If a woman repeats at every corner “I love him!”, She usually lies to others. In fact, it means: - I will never find anyone else who would put up with me. “I don’t want to be left alone. - It's better than nothing. - This is better than it was.

American psychologist Laura Schlesinger hosts her radio program. She is often called to ask a question about love or to ask for advice. After analyzing women's complaints, Laura decided to write down her impressions and advice in the book "Ten Wacky Mistakes Women Make to Ruin Their Lives."

This awesome article is based on this book and will tell you how women do everything in order to ruin their own lives.

Don't look at yourself through the prism of men.

The first mistake. Foolish attachment

Sadly, until now, the success of any woman is assessed by such a factor as "does she have someone." The other sex, of course. And poor things see themselves and their role in life only through the prism of relationships with a man. And what kind of man he is often does not matter.

How wrong it is! And how wrong are those who live with an alcoholic, a tyrant, a jealous person, a walking reproach, a drug addict who betray, lie, behave arrogantly or indifferently. How often women, in fear that they will not be able to find anyone else, marry the first person they meet, proving their usefulness to society.

Advice. No, this is not usefulness. Those who were allegedly "unlucky" with a husband or in love, themselves had a hand in this. Therefore, increase your self-esteem and do not humiliate yourself with unworthy relationships and marriages. We must learn from men to be bold, persistent and confident.

We are not cinderella

The second mistake. Foolish courtship

Millions of Cinderellas around the world are sadly looking into the dirty windows of their closets, but the prince is still gone and gone … But what a cute grimy gardener grumbled stumps in the neighboring garden!

If you do not have enough confirmation of the correctness of your behavior.

If you tend to say "thank you" to anyone who pays attention to you.

If you are content with what is offered to you, and do not choose what suits you personally.

If, meeting with a man, you are ready to shout to yourself: "Hurray, I'm not alone anymore!" - you are most likely making the wrong choice.

To connect oneself with a person just for the sake of getting rid of loneliness is an escape from reality. The question is not that a woman expects too much from her chosen one, but that she does not expect anything from herself.

Don't assume that men are so emotionally dumb that they can't tell the difference between the situation when you need them and when you are just desperate to connect with someone. And don't be surprised that after that they begin to think that they were used, turned into a bandage for a wound, a vest for tears or a lightning rod for tantrums. Men come into our life to share it with us, and not replace it with themselves.

Advice. Choose who you want to date yourself, and don't wait to be chosen. Do not settle for what was lying in your path of life. Go through the inevitable period of loneliness in this case, occupying your mind and heart - come up with a hobby, meet with friends - until you wait for a worthy you.

Don't kiss the toad

Error three. Foolish devotion

If a woman repeats at every corner “I love him!”, She usually lies to others. And myself, of course, too. These women are reluctant to admit that they are in a situation of obvious defeat. Often they gratefully (!) Endure such behavior or attitude towards themselves that no man could bear even for five minutes.

Strange, but for many women, love is something beyond the boundaries of reason (this is the model of behavior that fairy tales impose on us, where beauties fall in love with a monster and, pinching their noses, look for fleas in its neglected fur).

Have you paid attention to the disgusting double standards of society? Women agree not to notice balding heads, bellies, round from beer, checkered shirts with a polka-dot tie … But any man, sharing his impressions of a new acquaintance, will say to a friend: "She herself is nothing, but her legs are thick." Why do we put up with this and do not make a choice ourselves, do not treat men critically, call everything love? Because you never gained self-confidence.

As you say “I love him” at every corner, you think to yourself:

I will never find anyone else to put up with me.

I don’t want to be left alone.

It's better than nothing.

This is better than it was.

I'm already 19 (29, 39, 49, 59).

Doubt I'll find better.

Sometimes it’s not that bad.

In any case, I have nothing else to do.

I feel like he needs me.

Facing the unknown scares me.

Everything is not as bad as it seems to others.

It is difficult to find someone with whom it will be easy and joyful.

Advice. Remember that if you kiss a toad, it does not necessarily turn into a prince. A disgusting taste will remain in the mouth, disgusting memories in the head. Don't confuse feelings associated with a good relationship, your fantasies, book promises, sex - with love. Feelings distort reality; use your mind when evaluating your men. And true love will not exist until you learn to love yourself. Take action! You deserve the best.

You can't talk about it

The fourth mistake. Foolish passion

Obviously, men and women have different attitudes about sex. Women perceive him too romantic, they believe that "simple movements" impose some obligations on men, they believe that they sacrifice themselves and often demand reciprocal sacrifices.

In everything that concerns this side of the relationship, it is better to procrastinate than to rush. Let the "apple ripen", have time to assess the consequences of your step. Intimacy and sexual intercourse are too different things. Intimacy is when you can talk to your friend about everything. Therefore, never do something that you cannot talk to him about later.

Advice. No matter how old you are, sex cannot be a measure of your worth and the value of your relationship with a man. Rushing sex leads to the fact that you will reproach yourself even more, come to even more despair and a feeling of terrifying loneliness.

The cat still sits in the bag

Error five. Silly cohabitation

A hundred times, any of us have heard the opinion that “it would be good to live together before the wedding in order to get to know each other better”, and not to get a pig in a poke as a result of an official marriage. However, the "cat" is still there. According to statistics, the divorce rate among those who lived together before the wedding, compared to those who immediately went down the aisle, is much higher!

It's all about why a woman agrees to live together outside of marriage. This is a kind of surrender: a man is afraid of "official" responsibility, and she decides to meet him halfway. A woman settles with him not in order to find out what he really is, but in order to gain stability in a relationship, to keep him.

When he thinks: “I need to see if I will feel good all the time, from day to day,” she repeats: “You need to be very careful so that he feels good from day to day.” It is clear that such an attitude will not work for years, because both ideas are utopia.

Advice. To get a man to respect himself, never lower the bar on your requirements. If he cannot rise to the level you need, it is better to part with him.

What have you got yourself into?

The sixth mistake. Silly expectations

Think for yourself if you are good at re-education in your … twenty any year. That's how he is. When planning to get married, do not hope that he will become different only under your precious influence. Instead of thinking, "I can fix it," you should be dominated by "What am I pulling myself into?"

It often happens that the qualities that so attracted you in the groom become disgusting sweat. The secret of this lies in the fact that we unconsciously look for the features of our father in the chosen one, we want to relive traumatic events from the past in a new way, or to protect ourselves from the grievances inflicted on us once. And the chosen one is still different! And then you start to hate him. Although you really hate yourself.

Advice. If you got married to protect yourself from childhood grievances, end it as soon as possible. It is impossible to replay the past. If you are married and hate your husband, look inside yourself first to find the source of the hatred. And if you do not find the reason for your suffering, you will marry, hate and believe that all men are flawed.

Use your body correctly

Mistake seventh. Silly design

Not love. Not "that moment of life." Not "everyone expects this of me." Not proof "I can do it too". Not "I'll make him marry me." Not "and what remains for me" … And nothing else can be a reason to have a child. But just this: you have the interest, the ability and the means to give the child everything he needs: love, protection, material wealth.

None of your needs matter. Only the needs of the child are important. After all, he will have to pay for all your problems and mistakes. The main one here is always a woman. Of course, the man is also responsible, but your body belongs only to you!

Advice. Consider when and from whom to get pregnant.

Don't let kids hurt

Error eight. Related nonsense

It's terrible when women act against their maternal instinct. Even in the wild, there is no creature more furious than a female protecting her young. But with people … It happens that women allow them to beat their children, give them to be raised by others (just so that the husband does not run away). And one couple even sold their untimely child to start a business.

Advice. Remember that children will not forgive you if you have not protected them. Don't let anyone harm your children and don't sacrifice your little ones for a man's happiness or imaginary affection.

Don't be afraid to stomp your feet

Mistake # 9. Silly helplessness

Little girls often get angry if things don't go their way. But where does this anger go when they grow up? Women get offended, cry, suffer, and become depressed only because they are afraid to show anger, they are afraid of offending and angering others.

Depression is nothing more than a passive experience of the situation, while an active, short-term outburst of anger could well solve the problem and establish boundaries beyond which your abuser has no right to cross.

Stop driving anger deep inside yourself (it has been proven, by the way, that it causes illness).

Advice. There are painful moments in life, and overcoming this pain is the price to be paid to develop character. You, like any person, have the privilege, the right and the opportunity to be a person. This does not mean at all that you have to jump on others, banging your hooves; this means that you need to include yourself in the equation, but not as a remainder of a whole number, not as a by-product of calculus! Don't stay with those who abuse you.

Your swamp is no better

Mistake ten. Foolish forgiveness

Women are the most patient creatures in the world. They can come up with a million excuses, just not to break off relations with a man unworthy of them. How often do we think that a familiar swamp is still better than a swamp we don't know anything about. We repeat to ourselves: "If I leave, I will become unhappy." Yes, it may be so. But at least you will have the opportunity to build your own happiness, which you are deprived of with “your swamp”.

Advice. Don't live by the principle "How can I change this without touching it?" Look inside yourself - there, inside you should find courage, independence and initiative. Be realistic! You always have a choice!

What you think does not seem to you. And there is

The secret of feminine charm

It is known that women laugh much more than men. Especially in mixed companies. It seems that men like to laugh more than to laugh themselves, and this asymmetry has been observed since childhood. Remember who was the number one jester in your class - probably a boy. Isn't the difference between male and female laughter an essential factor in creating a harmonious union?

German psychologists observed the reaction of women when talking to strangers, and then interviewed both. It turns out that the more a woman laughs, the more interest she feels in her interlocutor. And men are nicer to laugh. An indicator of a healthy, harmonious relationship in a couple is female, not male, laughter. Men may or may not laugh, but if a woman's laughter does not sound in the family, it’s bad.